What is the price of an “A” - or the excellent student syndrome that interferes with life. What threatens the excellent student syndrome (complex) and why does it occur? Excellent student syndrome

Date of creation: 06/23/2004
Update date: 09/30/2016
The material was written in collaboration with M.P. Naritsyna.

It is generally accepted that being an excellent student is good. A person is drawn to knowledge and all that. But if you observe other excellent students a little more carefully, including after graduating from school, it may seem that they are not drawn to any knowledge at all. They have no time for this. They spin like squirrels in a wheel, with all their strength. And in most cases it doesn't seem that way at all. Most often this is the case in reality.

It is generally accepted that being an excellent student is good. A person is drawn to knowledge and all that. But if you observe other excellent students a little more carefully, including after graduating from school, it may seem that they are not drawn to any knowledge at all. They have no time for this. They spin like squirrels in a wheel, with all their strength.
And in most cases it doesn't seem that way at all. Most often this is the case in reality.

A future carrier of the excellent student complex (or syndrome), going to first grade, usually receives an external program: “There is no grade except an A. Everything else is not a grade.” The reasons for such programming may be different, but in the end the child finds himself trapped in a binary two-point system: either the highest score or... zero. Not a two, not even a count, but a zero! In any case, it is the child who lives within the framework of such a program and brings home something less than an A that ultimately feels like a zero. Because for his “programmers” this a priori means that he tried poorly, taught little, showed his knowledge with a defect, with a crack, with a chip. The attitude, in essence, is the same as with dishes: either the cup is whole, or it’s cracked, bruised, and it’s inconvenient to serve to guests.

Here, perhaps, we can hypothetically mention one of the reasons for such programming: they plan to “serve the child to guests”, somehow demonstrate it, and be proud of its successes. And the concept of success is quite clear: either an A or... again, a zero. Because you can't be proud of non-A's. Inconvenient. There can always be another contender for pride, whose child received an A. This means you need to demand that your own child try harder! And I didn’t even think of disgracing my parents with non-excellent grades.

But such programming is not the fault of the “programmers”, but their own great misfortune, which has been passed on by script for more than one generation. Back in 1947, the still-famous film “First-Grader” was released. One of the episodes of this film is where the heroine, first-grader Marusya, comes home with her first school grade.

What other news? - asks her grandmother.
“Very good,” Marusya reports joyfully. - I received a mark!
- Which one?
- Four!
Grandma turns around and leaves.
- Grandmother! Why aren't you happy? After all, a four is very close to a five!
“Hmm,” says grandma. - Well, not very much!..

Not only does the grandmother not share her granddaughter’s joy about the first grade as such, but she also reports that her granddaughter is still very, very far from getting an A—that is, until the moment when the grandmother is happy with her.

In general, the system of “taking on obviously impossible obligations,” like the “five-year plan in three years,” accompanied Soviet reality from the very beginning: along with the idea of “raising a completely different person, a person of a new formation,” contrary to all the laws of logic, physiology and Maslow’s pyramid. But be that as it may, the binary system “either a five or a zero” is present in the internal censorship of many generations of people, transmitted at the level of life scenario.

Logically, the requirement to constantly receive only excellent grades is virtually impossible. In the end, there are different children with a penchant for different subjects, different personal characteristics of these children, and in the end - different health conditions for the same child! However, censorship installations are scary because they do not use logic. And the initial impossibility of the undertaken obligations provokes another scenario connection: “we had to do something - we couldn’t do it - but we had to be able to - then our children should do it for us.” That is, if there are certain obviously impossible tasks in the life scenario, the pressure of such an obligation intensifies with each new generation and with each new turn of this scenario. And thus, the scenario-transmitted neurosis grows like a snowball.

Parents often say that they themselves were excellent students in their studies, and it seems natural to demand the same from their children. But at the same time, consciously or unconsciously, some factors are not taken into account:
- showing a certificate with straight A's or a diploma with honors, they naturally keep silent about what grades they received in the course of their current studies, while they demand A's from children every day;
- they forget that over the years the program becomes more complicated, the number of requirements for children increases, and sometimes the children themselves physically cannot keep up with these complications;
- and finally, the parents who say “we were excellent students - and you should” themselves still remain in the binary system “5-0” and drive their own children there.

So, a child with such a program begins to study at school. And then, as a rule, the situation develops in approximately two ways:
- either the student understands that the conditions of this program are impossible to fulfill - and gives the reaction “I don’t want to study at all”;
- or he accepts these conditions at great cost to himself, because he understands that otherwise he will not see parental stroking. Now he can only get strokes, approval, and expressions of parental love for straight A's.
And in the second option, a real addictive neurosis, or dependence neurosis, usually develops: the child begins to depend on excellent grades and strives to do everything only in the criteria of “will they give me another A for this?” He can’t even think about getting anything below an A. Because it's very scary.

Teachers often encounter paradoxical reactions to a “B” – a “good” rating. Students come up after lessons and literally beg to ask again, ask tomorrow, ask whenever, just don’t put a “four” in either the diary or the journal. They say that their parents will scold them at home. But in reality, if the “5-0” program has already begun to operate and is accepted by the child’s internal censorship, one can observe a variant of the so-called contamination (infection) of the subpersonality of the internal Parent: in other words, at home the child may well be shamed for getting a B (he tried poorly), but for now he will reach this house - he himself (more precisely, his internal infected censorship) will already eat himself to the very bones: because he did not pull out five. And if he didn’t pull it out, then in his already internal binary paradigm he is a zero. Nonentity.

Once is zero, twice is zero, three is zero... over time, this may well turn into impostor syndrome. Especially if it’s seasoned with parental “You can’t really do anything, even study for straight A’s!”

Alas, from the point of view of many parents, the school curriculum, especially in elementary school, is elementary and does not require any effort. Well, how difficult is it, for example, to learn the multiplication table or write the letter “A”? And if a child brings something below an A in “such easy subjects,” the parents really think that their offspring is a loafer and a quitter, and instead of working in class, he counted crows. And then the teacher will be unhappy with him, and will call his parents to school and scold them.

By the way, this is another possible reason why a child is programmed “either an A or you’re a nonentity.” The child is actually conveyed his personal fear: “If he does not study well, they will scold us, the parents, at school.” It is likely that such parents have the same excellent student syndrome (transmitted at the level of life scenario), and imagining that they will be called to school and given a reprimand for their child’s poor academic performance is one of their personal nightmares. Therefore, the child needs to be bugged and bullied, generously sharing his neurosis with him, but so that there is as little chance as possible that they themselves will be scolded by the teacher!..

The main difficulty of the excellent student complex is essentially that the child, growing up, begins to depend on straight A’s in the rest of his life, not only at school. More precisely, to experience a constant fear of “not getting an excellent grade.”

Such a person cannot take on any task unless he is sure that the result will turn out “excellent”. But it’s difficult to be sure of this, especially when it happens outside of school and there can be many quality criteria, both objective and subjective. And it cannot be said that such a person “certainly wants an A.” Rather, he is terrified of getting a “not an A.” Because it is zero. And the fear of once again being convinced of his own insignificance prevents him from doing anything in principle.

A person with excellent student syndrome will not engage in any business, because these are risks and ambiguous situations, and here it is even more difficult to rely only on excellent grades.

And also a person with excellent student syndrome - a paradox! – is often afraid to learn something new: any learning of something new is naturally associated with mistakes, and he has no right to make mistakes for a long time. After all, any mistake is no longer an “A”.

In general, he is afraid to somehow independently build and manage his life, in general he is afraid of situations when he needs to make independent decisions: what if he decides wrong? After all, he does not have clear criteria for this correctness issued from above, or rather, criteria for what and how he should do in order to once again earn an excellent grade. We can say that people with excellent student syndrome are eternal subordinates, slaves of these very external criteria: and as another bold hypothesis - isn’t it because for some generation there has been some kind of external feeding of this scenario, that subordinates are more beneficial to the hierarchical system, and it is much easier for them manipulate by simply threatening to “reduce the grade by a point” if something happens.

Moreover, even if a person makes some attempts to move away from the system of external criteria, his internal contaminated censorship pulls him back, literally forcing him to look for more and more external evaluators. Because only they supposedly have the right to give a person grades: for example, the concept of “self-esteem” can literally make someone with excellent student syndrome feel physically ill. How is it to evaluate yourself, it’s impossible, it doesn’t happen.

Moreover, these fears are present even when in some tasks a person formally does not have an external evaluator. But there is always an internal one: that same internal Parent infected from the outside, which a person constantly carries with him. And accordingly, everywhere he has a personal pocket censor who undertakes to evaluate all his affairs.

The excellent student complex, by the way, can be called one of the varieties of perfectionism and one of the reasons for procrastination.

With excellent student syndrome, a person usually has problems adapting to the surrounding society both during his school years and after graduation. In the classroom, and in any society, as a rule, excellent students are not liked: more precisely, those who strive for A’s at all costs are not liked. Sometimes from the outside it seems that such a student is trying to stand out from the rest; but these others are usually unaware that the unfortunate person is once again trying to escape from the fear of “turning out to be zero.”

In general, dependence on A’s, like any addiction, has a general destructive character for the addicted person: such a student’s health suffers (because all resources are devoted to achieving excellent grades), he is simply overloaded (after all, such an excellent student is usually required to get A’s not only in school) , he has to please his parents with his achievements in various circles and sections, and definitely plans to enroll in a prestigious educational institution). Against the backdrop of a banal lack of sleep and accumulating chronic fatigue, fears of “not getting an A” intensify, and the situation doesn’t just go in circles, but rather twists into a tight spiral.

Plus, the excellent student complex is often accompanied by pressure from parents and grandparents: “Don’t you dare disgrace us! We will be ashamed of you!” It’s even worse if the child is constantly informed that as a result of any mistake and any “not an A”, someone close to him will have high blood pressure, a heart ache, a stroke, and so on. Guilt is an excellent means of manipulation, and quite traumatic at that. As a result, the child literally feels like he is in a minefield, when one wrong step and he will explode: but it is better for him to explode than for people dear to him to suffer. In fact, the child is made a real hostage to the problems of adults. And the fact that he fully earns his own neurosis (or actually inherits an existing one) - at this stage, unfortunately or fortunately, he does not yet realize.

Usually, at the end of articles about certain psychotherapeutic problems, conclusions/results/suggestions on the topic “what to do now with these problems” are expected.

Here we note, first of all, that this article is not talking about the fact that the excellent student complex is downright bad and bad (as one or another bearer of the excellent student complex would probably read). If a person is comfortable within these frameworks—one might even say, within these life supports—then there is no point in taking away these supports from him. There are many people who feel satisfaction from the fact that they know in advance the criteria and requirements by which they will be tested and according to which they will be assessed. If this assessment must certainly be excellent, and for the time being this is also not annoying, such a person can be called to some extent ambitious, having his own high goals. If he lives comfortably in this system, he has the right not to change anything. And no one has the right to push him to change.

If the “5-0” system becomes a burden for a person himself, if he is thinking about how to jump out of this squirrel wheel, then first of all it is important for him to find out that this is possible. But that this is connected with analysis and one’s own awareness of everything that happens to him. With a systematic study of the entire situation in which he finds himself. And that for such an analysis, especially a systemic one, you will need an assistant - a psychotherapist, whose main condition of work is

Excellent students are invariably the joy of parents, role models, the pride of the class and the school...

It’s great if A’s are not an end in themselves for a child, and he calmly accepts defeats, but there is another category of excellent students, no matter where they study: at school, at college, they are haunted by the fear of falling from the height to which they have risen, they perceive even the most painful minor failures, at the cost of their own health, they strive to ensure that everything is “excellent”, they set deliberately high goals for themselves, on the way to achieving which they get nervous disorders, insomnia, loss of appetite, they react sharply to the slightest comments and are offended if they are not singled out, not praise.

In this case, the child becomes fixated on school grades and almost completely refuses entertainment, which gives rise to a lack of ability to communicate with peers.

But in life it does not happen that success always accompanies. Sometimes failures happen. Often the excellent student syndrome, as perfectionism is also called, manifests itself later in adult life as dissatisfaction with one’s achievements, work, boss, and others. These people are determined to succeed, to succeed at any cost. Perfectionists are sensitive to criticism and tend to place great importance on their mistakes; they view their own worth in terms of achievements and productivity, their credo is “all or nothing.”

Excellent student syndrome can be a consequence of:

Parents want their child to succeed where they themselves have failed. The success of a son or daughter is an opportunity to take revenge for one’s own failures and confirmation of the social success of the parents themselves.
Children often try to earn parental love with grades.
Often the desire to be first in everything, oddly enough, arises due to low child's self-esteem.

But self-confidence, stable positive self-esteem, activity and initiative are more important for happiness than natural ability and diligence.

How to get rid of perfectionism.

It is necessary to explain to the child that he will encounter grades everywhere and always, and not just in school life. However, they cannot completely determine the mood, state and self-image. The goal in itself is self-confidence and the full disclosure of natural inclinations; assessments are only an accompanying link. If they “harm” self-esteem and self-confidence, then this is the wrong guideline, you need to look for another one, one that would strengthen self-confidence and self-esteem.

Convince your child that you value and love him for who he is, regardless of his academic success, whether he got A's or not. When a child is sure that he is loved for nothing, it is easier for him to learn and live, to become successful. Be sure to praise for achievements. Let your child realize that it is in his interests to study well, but do not put pressure on him.

Often in a situation where studying “at any cost”, all the time is scheduled for clubs, courses, development of versatile abilities, the child does not have time to just be a child, and childhood will never happen again. And an unsatisfied need for it can last a lifetime.

To prevent your child from growing up as an insecure, complex, dissatisfied person who is afraid of risks, mistakes, and failures, cultivate in him independence from other people’s assessments.

A story from the childhood of the famous inventor of the light bulb, T. Edison, also famous for his phrase “I found 1000 ways not to make a light bulb.”

Thomas Edison recalled: "I heardHowteacher withI told the inspector who visited the school that I would be of no use, and there was no point in keeping me at school anymore. I was so upset by his words that I burst into tears and rushed home to complain to my mother." Edison's mother brought her son back to class and told the teacher that Thomas had more brains than him. She took the child from school and began to teach him at home. The future great inventor spent only three months at school.

Not only excellent and good students suffer from the notorious excellent student syndrome. The desire to be the best and demonstrate only positive academic results can be equally inherent in inveterate C students. Educators explain this paradox by saying that the fear of getting a bad grade at school or hearing negative feedback about themselves forces children to become more actively involved in the “race” of school achievements.

A child’s desire to “always be on top” and demonstrate his success to others is often a manifestation of his deep lack of self-confidence. The reasons for this uncertainty can be very different. Usually these are complexes about one’s appearance, lack of friends, and, in the child’s opinion, family status that is not high enough. The child may also believe that his parents do not love him enough. In this case, the desire to get good grades can be a way to attract the attention of adults and prove to them your worth.

Children often become an extension of their parents' ambitions. Many of them believe that in order for a son or daughter to achieve something in life, they need to completely devote themselves to the child. It has long been proven that the behavioral and psychological problems of children are a reflection of the internal attitudes of their parents and the patterns of behavior that are accepted in the family. Fathers and mothers who place high demands on themselves unconsciously transfer their own qualities and problems onto their children, forming in them the so-called “excellent student syndrome.” At the same time, parents may not make specific demands on the child. Children subtly sense the mood of those around them, intuitively tuning into their “wave”.

A perfectionist child, as a rule, experiences even minor failures very acutely. The pursuit of success and achievements can result in depression for him. After all, being always the best is hard both physically and mentally. Such children lose their childish spontaneity and ability to enjoy what is good in their lives. They have problems communicating with peers.

The fear of doing something wrong prevents a perfectionist from learning. The child is very worried about academic failures, gets upset when he makes a minor mistake, is afraid of making a mistake when answering in class, and when he receives a C, he suffers. There are cases when such children dropped out of school altogether.

They will learn how to do homework correctly by watching the next video lesson on the “I am a Parent” portal. Child psychologist Ekaterina Tsukanova gives advice.

How to help your child get rid of the excellent student complex?

Good performance in school is not a sign that your child is susceptible to excellent student syndrome. He may be really interested in learning. However, if behind the price of an A there is a lot of effort and fear of punishment, and school failures are perceived as disasters - this is a symptom that the child needs the help of a parent or psychologist.

The “I am a parent” portal gives five that will help your child get rid of the excellent student syndrome.

Parents should continually adjust their expectations to match their children's abilities. Think about how they relate to your child's capabilities. After all, the maximum grade is different for each student. For one it is an A, and for the other it is a C. If you want to change something in your child, start with yourself. Lower the bar on your requirements for your son or daughter, giving up your ambitions to raise an “ideal child.” And most importantly, reconsider your attitude towards your child’s academic performance - success in life does not always depend on grades in school!

2. Cultivate the right attitude towards grades

Explain to your child that he will encounter grades everywhere and always, and not just in school life. However, they cannot completely determine his mood and self-image. Reassure your son or daughter that you value them regardless of their performance in school. Show them your love and care, regardless of the marks in your diary.

3. Don't compare your child with other children.

If you do not want to raise a loser who is offended by the whole world and has lost confidence in his abilities, stop comparing your son or daughter with other “successful and talented” children. By scolding one child and praising another, imposing him as an example on the first, you contrast them with each other. The very fact of assessment seriously traumatizes the child’s psyche and deprives him of confidence in parental support. By doing this, you provoke your child to engage in competition with stronger students, which is not always to his benefit.

4. Give room for error.

Expecting a child not to make any mistakes is to be too harsh towards him and give a wrong idea about life. Explain to your child that he has the right to make mistakes. Knowing this will help him overcome his fear of saying or doing something wrong.

5. Develop a sense of humor in children

Children who react very strongly to other people's opinions should be reminded that they do not have to be perfect in the eyes of others. Try. An optimist experiences life's adversities more easily, gets along better with peers and is popular with them.

Nadezhda Malinkina

Take the test on the “I am a parent” portal and find out if you understand your child.

Raising a child is a very important and responsible matter. Parents influence what their child will be like, what traits will be most developed in him. The future of the child, his attitude to life and aspirations depend on the parents. Therefore, parents need to have knowledge in the field of psychology and pedagogy, because the fate of their future family depends on this.

Excellent student syndrome or perfectionism

For all parents, a child is a source of pride. They want him to be the best and achieve success in everything, including his studies. And in order to achieve what they want, parents make strict demands and want to see only excellent grades in their children’s diaries. But in this case, parents and their children may be in danger in the form of excellent student syndrome.

Psychology defines excellent student syndrome or perfectionism as a mental state in which a person initially sets the highest goals for himself and strives to achieve them in any way, at the same time, striving to complete the assigned task exclusively perfectly, often forgetting about other things in life - for example, entertainment, rest, food and communication.

Portrait of a child with excellent student syndrome

A child with the following symptoms has excellent student syndrome:

Self-esteem is unstable. Praise causes excessive confidence, while criticism can cause self-doubt when moving on to the next task.
The desire to get an excellent grade in all ways available to him. There may be manifestations of deception and lies. A child is able to slander a classmate who answered better, and hide bad grades from his parents.
Zealous attitude towards the successes of other children. The child rejoices at other people's failures. This way he thinks he is getting closer to success.
Emotionally unbalanced. For example, if parents or teachers do not praise, hysteria begins, leading to tears. The child has the feeling that no one wants to appreciate his successes.
Inability to overcome simple obstacles along the way. A student is able to stop a task right in the middle of a lesson only because he made a mistake and it seems to him that everything is now lost.
The child is not able to perceive criticism and comments.
Child for the sake of good academic performance may constantly sacrifice entertainment and communication with friends.
Failure to perform academically can cause apathy. The child can withdraw inside himself and plunge into a state close to depression.

Excellent student syndrome manifests itself as the inability to adequately respond to one’s own failures, even minor ones.

The dominant motive in educational activities for a child is to achieve the highest grade, by any means, as well as approval and praise from others.

As the child grows up, the excellent student syndrome develops into perfectionism. Perfectionism is a psychological personality trait with a complex structure.

The main symptoms of perfectionism:

The level of aspirations is higher than normal. Extremely high demands on oneself;
The highest standards in carrying out activities with a focus on the “most successful”;
All people are perceived as demanding and critical;
A person constantly compares himself with his surroundings;
Evaluates and plans his actions according to the principle “either all or nothing”;
Attention is fixed on actions that are not entirely successful.

The desire to perform excellent work, polishing every detail. Perfectionists constantly criticize the level of task performance, are very susceptible to the words of others, and are almost unable to enjoy the results of their work due to the belief that it was done at a less than excellent level.

In reality, the constant striving for the ideal often results in loneliness, lack of normal rest and entertainment, as well as mental illness due to frequent nervous tension.

Causes

There is both congenital and acquired excellent student syndrome. But it is formed and becomes obvious precisely in childhood, most often when the child enters school.

Excellent student syndrome can develop in a child for several reasons:

Low self-esteem. Children think that for some reason they are not full-fledged and do everything to offset this with good studies.
An innate need for praise and recognition. Often this is a natural character trait that needs to be identified in a timely manner and try to smooth it out.
The need to receive parental attention.
Fear of punishment. These children tend to be timid and very disciplined; they do not want to upset their parents or teachers.

Children with excellent student syndrome often lack self-confidence

How to get rid of excellent student syndrome?

The best treatment for excellent student syndrome is the unconditional love of their children by their parents. Love just like that, for what he is, a child - for what he simply is. Such treatment must be permanent.

In children, excellent student syndrome most likely appears from a lack of attention and love. With excellent grades, the child unconsciously tries to earn additional praise from his parents.

When you see a student’s unhealthy reaction to his grades, try to show your love openly:

after all, you need to hug your child more often, for no reason;

smile at him and look into his eyes when he excitedly shares something with you;

speak words of love and understanding to your child;

calmly tell him that you love him only because you have him;

spend more time together, do not isolate yourself, citing work, if he needs your help and advice.

Give your child love and affection

If you notice that your child spends a lot of time on his lessons, invite him to go for a walk, invite his friends over or visit them.

You should try to replace thoughts about studying with things that are more interesting to him:

sign him up for sports or creative classes;

take walks with the whole family;

spend more time with him playing board games.

Spend more time with your children

How to overcome the excellent student syndrome, watch the following video.

What situations a perfectionist may encounter in the future and how it begins with the excellent student syndrome, see the following video by psychologist Veronica Stepanova.

The saying “perfect is the enemy of good” could not be more apt for a perfectionist. The desire to bring everything to the ideal makes a person dependent on the opinion of society and blocks the disclosure of his own “I”.

The excellent student complex is evil, but it can be completely eradicated by discovering a new quality of life and an abyss of possibilities.

If a person cannot fall asleep, knowing about unfinished business, and the expression “will do for the countryside” is not about him, then inside him sits an alert student who vigilantly observes his life and constantly compares it with certain standards.

And when reality differs from the ideal, a person either rules it endlessly or falls into depression. Perfectionism can significantly ruin the quality of life and block its best opportunities.

What it is

The latent desire to polish oneself and one’s activities to an ideal result and painful experiences from any failure to meet high standards is a manifestation of the so-called pathological perfectionism, which among the people has acquired a more associative name - the excellent student complex.

Such “excellent students” grow up from children who have learned the axiom: unconditional love does not exist, it must be earned.

How does it originate?

Every child needs selfless love. Feeling a lack of warmth, the baby will at first unconsciously try to attract attention with tears and screams, just like that, not for a beautifully told poem. And having become convinced of the futility of expectations, he begins to look for the reason within himself: if they don’t love him, it means he’s unworthy.

Having matured, he will continue to try to earn public recognition (and his own), bringing his activities to the ideal, a mark that gives the right to be loved.

What generates?

The excellent student syndrome is insidious. A person in whose brain the “achieved - loved” attitude is ingrained begins to make inflated demands on others, which fosters new perfectionists among his children and loved ones.

After all, failure to fulfill his demands causes disappointment and alienation in him, which is why insecure people easily take the same path, trying to look for the reason in themselves and earn love by achieving the heights necessary for this.

Symptoms

There is sometimes a fine line between healthy ambitions and an excellent student complex. But there are signs that help determine the presence of painful perfectionism in the embryo, and many of them are clearly visible in both children and adults.

So, you can confidently diagnose an excellent student complex in a person if he:

reacts painfully to criticism and even minor remarks;

is jealous of praise received by another;

suffers from self-criticism due to constant comparison of oneself with others and cannot forgive oneself for the slightest mistakes;

is subject to fluctuations in self-esteem, which depends on the opinions of others and the results of his work;

falls into apathy after the first failure;

without hesitation, sacrifices social benefits and entertainment for the sake of achieving success;

The motivation for achievements is considered not by the experience gained, but by third-party assessment - meeting the expectations of society.

How does it harm

If healthy perfectionism is a quite useful property that helps a person’s self-realization, then the excellent student complex is precisely neurotic perfectionism, and it does not pass without a trace for a person:

Dispersion of attention. People suffering from this syndrome lose the ability to direct energy in the right direction. Instead of concentrating on the task, they spend emotional energy constantly monitoring the correctness of each step and time polishing it until it shines.

Limiting your own capabilities. The range of prospects for an “excellent student” is narrowing, since it is difficult for him to overcome the pathological fear of new beginnings: what if he fails? He does not give himself the right to make mistakes and often, instead of promising responsible positions, which he could handle quite well, he remains in simple ones, which more often give him the opportunity to be guaranteed to do the job perfectly. “Excellent students” are more comfortable driving a tram perfectly than exposing themselves to the risks of entrepreneurial work.

Difficulties in personal relationships. Making high demands not only on yourself, but also on others complicates relationships with the opposite sex. Before a date, the “excellent student” will play out the future dialogue ten times in her mind, rehearse brilliant answers for all occasions, think through her wardrobe to the smallest detail, but behind this parade she will never be able to reveal her true soul to her interlocutor. There is no place for risk in the life of perfectionists; they do not know how to let a situation take its course, trying to control it down to the smallest detail.

Conflict. The desire to conform results in permanent irritation. What is the norm for others has a negative connotation for a perfectionist: they see freestyle in clothing as sloppiness, the presence of unpopular hobbies as idleness, and the lack of bright achievements in a person generally diminishes his importance to the tiniest. By pointing out to others their shortcomings and imperfections, “excellent students” achieve absolutely nothing but a hostile attitude.

Health problems. Constant self-criticism and dissatisfaction with the result leads to deterioration in physical health, since frequent emotional disorders are a direct path to cardiovascular disorders, insomnia, headaches and neuroses.

Losing yourself. The excellent student complex leads to the fact that a person simply lives someone else’s life, gradually losing his “I”. Finding idols for himself (after all, they are so ideal!), a person copies their demeanor, repeats words as the ultimate truth, completely blocking the revelation of his own individuality.

Excellent student complex

People infected with healthy perfectionism discover leadership qualities in life, enjoy the process of achieving difficult goals and, most importantly, do not depend on public opinion.

The psychology of a pathological perfectionist manifests itself differently: achieving the ideal becomes an obsession, which gives rise to constant dissatisfaction with life.

So, if for the first type of “excellent students” failure is a reason to get down to business even more actively and reach new heights, then the second type moves towards the goal not for the sake of pleasure and ambition, but out of fear of being rejected.

However, the development of the syndrome is not always due to the peculiarities of upbringing and parental love.

The child has

The excellent student complex in children can be not only acquired, but also congenital. If in the first case we are talking about an inferiority complex developed by parents, teachers and other people authoritative for the child, then in the second genetics are to blame.

Recent research conducted at the University of Michigan on 292 twins has shown that the tendency to develop perfectionism is a hereditary factor.

The results also revealed that the external environment also has a great influence: the development of the complex is determined not only by upbringing, but also by the influence of the street, especially during the formation of the child’s self.

In adults

The excellent student complex is not always rooted in childhood. Life situations can also contribute to its development in adults. A series of successive failures breaks a person, cultivating in him the thought: if I were better, everything would have turned out differently.

Usually, overly responsible people, who are accustomed to looking first of all for their own fault in any problem, are more prone to such conclusions.

And although this is nothing more than a black streak that does not depend on one’s own ideality, the connection “imperfection - failure” is reinforced.

How to get rid

You shouldn’t wait until your body reaches complete exhaustion because you can’t do everything you set out to do perfectly. The number of hours in a day is a constant, but health is not unlimited. If perfectionism does not allow you to live fully, then treatment is necessary.

Just a few simple measures will help overcome this socially dependent complex:

Giving unconditional love to a child. To make adjustments in the child’s consciousness, it is necessary to make him feel that he is loved regardless of the circumstances. It is necessary to explain to him that the assessments of others should not determine his mood, and achievements are only needed for him to gain life experience. However, the use of this method is complicated by the fact that often an excellent student is a real gift for parents, and they do not see any harm in this.

Allow yourself to be careless. Psychologists advise starting to break stereotypes with small manifestations of negligence, restraining yourself from correcting them. Not checking the letter again before sending, not putting a period at the end of the sentence, not ironing the sleeve of the blouse. Despite its simplicity, this therapy is not easy for “excellent” students, but after a while they understand: no one cares about their mistakes, and life does not end there!

Learn to enjoy the process. A good way to overcome perfectionism is to split a global goal into several small ones. And even if they are less significant, but by rejoicing in their achievement, a person learns to experience pleasure from the process, without chasing the final result.

Delegate responsibilities. “Excellent students” are used to pulling everything on themselves. They are simply sure that no one can cope with the task better than them. By transferring small responsibilities to other family members or colleagues and relieving yourself of responsibility for their results, you can gradually train yourself not to set too high standards for yourself or those around you.

Change your attitude towards criticism. To develop immunity to criticism, the practice of “replacing a minus with a plus” is used. This means that any reproach should be rephrased for yourself in such a way as to emphasize your merits. For example, if the boss reproaches an “excellent student” for taking too long to complete his work, his translation should sound like this: “But I carefully weigh the pros and cons before making a decision.” But this is already a reason for pride! It doesn’t hurt to develop a sense of humor, which helps you easily get out of unpleasant situations.

And in general, as a big secret, every “excellent” student should know: what seems not good enough to him, for others is the height of perfection, and such people are the overwhelming majority!

Therefore, you should not be afraid of mistakes, engage in self-flagellation and put off dreams for later. You just need to appreciate your uniqueness, and then it will miraculously turn out that for love and public recognition it is enough to be yourself.

Video: Psychologist speaks