Relationship between an adult man and a girl. Relationship with a man who is older. What is the love of a mature man
Young girls and women often willingly enter into love relationships with men who are much older than them.
Why is this happening?
As psychological studies show, it is with older (10 or more years older) men, often married, that young girls who grew up without fathers enter into love relationships. This manifests a craving for fatherly love, which these girls lacked in childhood. In this case, the girl sincerely loves “her” man, values her relationship with him, and even, having gotten used to her father’s inaccessibility in childhood, agrees that the man, for example, is married and can spend only a small part of his time with the girl. These relationships, in which there is undoubtedly both sex and romance, for girls are not in the full sense what is commonly called a relationship between a man and a woman, a love relationship. Because Girls and women in such relationships are still attracted not by romance, not by sex, not by love. And the support and help (not only financial) that they expect from such a man.
A woman likes to feel like a “girl” - to be capricious, to feel care and support from a stronger and older man, to receive gifts. Next to a man who is much older, it is easier to feel young and irreplaceable and incomparable. This gives women confidence and a feeling of calm.
Many young girls and women enter into relationships with older and married men because they need the financial support of such men and their connections. At the same time, successful, wealthy and generous men are selected. In such relationships, “everyone understands everything correctly” - both girls and men. Everyone knows who owes what to whom and for what.
Men sometimes marry their young girlfriends. But more often - no! Because Many “adult” men have families, which men often do not see the need to destroy. Or they have children from previous marriages, ex-wives and former lovers, with whom they often continue to have a sluggish relationship.
At the same time, older and more mature men have sufficient common sense and they manage to keep that distance with young women that gives hope for a long and lasting relationship, but does not allow them to demand anything.
Is this love? Is there love in such a relationship? If we talk about the feeling of love, then - yes, it happens! Undoubtedly. Both men and women are attracted to each other. If we talk about relationships, then depending on how you look at it.
We, psychologists, know well that women and girls who have been in relationships in which they had to put up with the “second” role - not daring to demand, depending on the desires of a man, being afraid of being abandoned, waiting and enduring pain - they get used to being in such a situation. And they lose the ability to be happy.
And yet - then all their lives it seems to them that it is impossible to love them with unconditional, faithful, sincere love. After all, the people closest to them never truly loved them! And such women get used to pleasing others, satisfying other people’s needs and desires, pleasing, living someone else’s life - after all, this is precisely why they were praised and “loved.” They often don’t believe in true love, although they really want it. They suffer greatly from the fact that they are sure that there is no love in their life because they themselves are “not very good.” And they don’t understand that they simply need help in finding themselves and learning to love again.
I'm not a moralist, I'm just a psychologist. And I speak precisely from this position – from the point of view of psychological health and the factors that destroy it.
In any case, if a woman decides to enter into a relationship with an older man, you need to know that:
The older a man is, the more he likes in a woman, in addition to femininity and beauty, decency, intelligence, good taste, and good manners.
This man, most likely, has already had in his life everything that a woman so wants to get for the first time in her life - a wedding, a family, a first child, etc. It is possible that he now values freedom and lack of obligations more. Therefore, a relationship with him can bring a woman a lot of pain and disappointment.
Men love the more strongly the more they “invested” effort, money and time into a woman! So don’t be shy and take as much as you can from your man! If he marries you, everything invested will become the property of the family. And if he doesn’t marry, everything he has done for you will help you not feel completely worthless and unnecessary after breaking up with him.
At the same time, it is important to remember that true love exists in the world! And, as we know, all ages are submissive to her. True love is also possible between young women and men who are older than them. These people, when there is true love, get married, give birth to children, and live happily. Everything is possible here. It is important to always, in any relationship, remember what you want and build with people exactly the relationships you want. And don’t agree to others.
Then there will be happiness.
In an atmosphere of universal freedom of morals, it is high time for society to realize that the love of a girl and an adult man has much more grounds for approval than vice versa. After all, believing and following a man from your parents’ generation is much better than destroying your best ideas about love in a relationship with a peer.
When studying this topic, or trying to learn for yourself the principles of intimate relationships between an adult man and a little girl, you should not transfer into reality the images of Humbert and Lolita from the novel of the same name by Vladimir Nabokov. At the moment, world critics are inclined to trace acute manifestations of pedophilia to this work.
It is not appropriate to discuss criminal topics - they are prohibited and the law does not give them two interpretations. The purpose of the study is the psychology of love of different ages. We can talk endlessly about the attraction that arises between representatives of different generations. She is attracted by his status, probably material well-being, freedom of action, experience and admiration for her, which an adult man is not inclined to hide from his young lover.
With him, she bathes in the luxury of the buds of her favorite flowers and drowns in attention and care. In most cases, she can always hope for magnanimity in relation to her minor offenses - he can allow her relative freedom, confident that he is completely in control of the situation.
He goes crazy about her young body, from the freedom from the prejudices that burden his long-time wife, from the ease of judgment, from the lack of everyday stress and from the desired feeling of youth next to a young girl. It gushes with emotions that were forgotten to him, makes it possible to feel an unprecedented surge of strength and energy, and does not allow him to give up and not give a damn about himself.
The psychology of love of different ages, in its main postulates, insists that when choosing a young girl as a companion, a mature man does not demand responsibility and seriousness from her, although often such a boat of love can be destroyed by his claims of frivolity towards his girlfriend.
In such relationships, the man often looks youthful, and the eyes of his girlfriend are burdened with courage and impudence. In this look, anyone can detect falsehood and lack of selflessness, except a man in love. The man is blind with self-confidence, which creates euphoria and pushes possible disappointment into the background.
The key factor in the formation of a style in a relationship between two people is the chance through which lonely hearts find each other, and the psychological types of both. Where can a young girl meet an older man? Often her chosen one is her boss, a university teacher, an experienced driving instructor, or her friend’s father.
In this case, it is possible to determine the first psychological type of such a relationship, with several options for the development of events. Fatherly or patronizing relationships that characterize the relationship between an adult man and a little girl are now becoming the norm and are found not only among representatives of different generations, but also among peers.
This is all due to the painful legacy of the 90s, when many fathers of the family failed to cope with the role of leaders and went down the slope of unemployment and drunkenness, dooming their family to poverty. The authority of such a father in the family is completely lost, and the growing girl subconsciously looks for a person who can make up for the shortcomings of childhood.
Just as physically she strives to eat ice cream until her throat hurts, psychologically she is looking for a patron who, along with a negligent parent, will form stable soil under her feet and will not leave unsolvable questions. And most importantly, it will give her a reason to justify herself to those around her who saw her in hastily sewn tights.
This model of relationship is quite successful if the man is generous, accepts all the burdens of obligations in a relationship with a young companion and is not afraid to stand up for her in front of all-knowing advisers. And the girl, in turn, understanding the full power of an adult man’s love and realizing the full degree of responsibility that she bears for his care and selfless dedication, pays in the same coin, without causing her patron to be disappointed.
An adult man and a little girl can choose a different model for developing relationships. It is also shaped by the characters of the participants. If she is a rebel at heart, and feels the need to become a spark of freedom and disobedience in the life of an adult man, and he preaches the image of a wandering artist, a restless scoundrel, or, as it is fashionable to say now, a typical freelancer - the adult man and the little girl also feel like ways.
Such people are united by a common idea: if it is art, they usually meet at an exhibition, if they have a passion for rock, at a biker rally, and finally, if they have a thirst for freedom and change, they usually meet near a monument to an idol in the nearest park. In such relationships, all roles are placed diametrically opposite to the first model. Unlike the case described above, here the man is exempt from liability. Even he himself cannot predict where his new day will begin and end.
The wording “you must” puts him in a permanent stupor and makes him run headlong from the needy. In this case, a young girl, with the tenacity of a Decembrist, has to take on the role of a leader and become a convenient rear for a seeker who is no longer middle-aged. Is it worth mentioning that she also becomes the breadwinner in the family?
Contrary to the advice and criticism of others, she firmly believes in the uniqueness and success of her chosen one and often, by making a deal with her conscience, spoils relationships with parents and close friends. Bearing responsibility for her man, she, like Marina Vladi, searches for and brings her “Vysotsky” to his senses; how, free from parental oppression and besotted by the handsome Sean Carr, Evgenia Timoshenko, instead of decorously waving her hand from a wedding limousine, rides a two-wheeled Harley; and how, until recently, the revolutionary Sobchak wanders to a rally behind her Yashin, seized by the idea of saving a dying Russia.
But, using the example of those same well-known women, is it necessary to summarize how such relationships tend to end? The only pity is that actual disappointment sets in long before the young lady has time to figure out that the love of an adult man does not get along with the consumer attitude. m
Probably, true love is valuable because it does not tolerate any “buts” and “ifs”, is not divided or grouped according to any criteria, and resists any difficulties. The true love of a girl and an adult man is a subject of admiration, and at the same time inevitable envy. Such relationships do not fit into a framework, which means they attract and attract with bright exotic fruits.
In the world's love stories there are many examples of relationships between an experienced husband and a young mistress. And all modern girls, taking this path, trying to brush aside the negative outcome, try on the role of the young opera diva Callas, intoxicated by love for the decisive and charismatic Onassis, who is still the ideal of the male mind and indestructible willpower for women all over the world.
The relationship between two people is one of the most pressing topics in society. Love is reflected in art in all its forms. For example, the well-known painting “Unequal Marriage” by the artist Pukirev reflects the reality of those times. At that time, the issue of forced marriages and settlements was acute. It was normal to give your daughter to a rich old man. Today, the relationship between an adult man and a young girl raises eyebrows. It would seem that she could be attracted to. It goes without saying that one answer suggests itself: benefit. Material or otherwise. Is love possible with
Why does a young girl date an older man?
In fact, it is difficult to explain the reasons for actions. Many people are even confused about their motivation, let alone others. However, there are several reasons why a girl may prefer an old man. The first and perhaps the main one is material well-being. Starting an independent life is often associated with serious financial restrictions. This is especially true when a woman cannot correlate her desires and capabilities. Hence the desire to find a patron. In this situation, the couple binds themselves to the usual deal: youth, sex and beauty in exchange for money. Let's leave out the moral side of the issue.
A less common reason why an older man and a young woman date is because of life experience. For a woman, marriage is a new experience, a new stage in life, raising her to a serious level in the eyes of society. A respectable man emphasizes the beauty and youth of his wife. Plus, when living together, he is the bearer of life advice and has a lot to learn from him.
Is it possible for an adult man to love a young girl?
It's easy to judge without knowing the ins and outs of the situation. But are true feelings real? Quite. The ordinary mind cannot explain such a reverent feeling as love. Therefore, a sincere basis for the relationship cannot be ruled out. In any case, try not to judge or discuss such couples. Young girls - grown men, relationships are strong and honest? Yes, that may be the case.
Relationships and prospects
It doesn’t matter what motivates a girl when choosing such a relationship. The age inequality that occurs when an adult man and a young girl decide to form a union entails certain inconveniences. Therefore, it would not be a bad idea to think about the prospects.
The first characteristic of older men is their reluctance to adapt to their significant other. A person may disappear for days at work, get up too early or late. In other words, lead a normal lifestyle. True, he will demand complete adjustment from his life partner. Therefore, do not be surprised if you are required to attend parties, even if you have to work early in the morning.
The older a person is, the more conservative he is. Therefore, such a man is unlikely to want to meet your friends. And in general, doing something for you is a burden to him. It is important for him to simply live the way that is convenient for him. In severe cases, the husband may prohibit his young wife from meeting friends.
In general, relationships built on age differences are fraught with difficulties. For example, it is rare for a man to share the interests of his wife. At his age, clubs and parties were unattractive. The same applies to active types of recreation. Elderly people begin to take care of themselves and fear injury.
It is unlikely that a man will understand his wife’s problems at work. He has his own responsibilities and difficulties, the rest is of little interest to him. Especially if his chosen one does not work in his field.
Is sex part of life?
Men and women have different physiology.
That's why women feel the blossoming of their intimate life after forty years. And for men, the peak occurs in their teenage years. Hence, disagreements often arise in marriage over dissatisfaction with sex life. As men age, they become conservative, and therefore they often refuse any experiments in bed. Plus there are problems with potency.
Can an adult man and a young girl become happy in marriage, especially in its intimate sphere? Quite. It all depends on how willing both partners are to meet each other halfway.
How to please an older man?
If a young girl only wants an older partner, then she should ask herself how to attract him. A miniskirt and neckline do not work on men in this category; other tactics are needed.
So, a girl’s appearance should not be provocative. Therefore, it is better to give preference to classic clothes with soft makeup. The main thing is to hide flaws and highlight advantages, and leave red lipstick and a short belted skirt for another time.
How to behave with an older man?
It is important to maintain a middle ground in conversations. Try not to get bored and not go into deep unconsciousness. Try to find out what topics are of interest to a man and support them. At this stage, refrain from any kind of criticism. A woman, especially a young one, should play the role of a muse, an inspirer. Her task is to support any endeavors, dreams and goals of her spouse.
An adult man and a young girl - their love is often overshadowed by communication. Many ladies begin to call their chosen one by you, since there is an age difference. Such behavior will only alienate a man, since emphatically polite communication cuts off any attempts to transfer him into the intimate sphere.
Why do they choose each other?
Many girls wonder why they like older men? In fact, psychologists consider all this in terms of relationships with one’s own father. In other words, it is worth turning to psychoanalysis. Its founder, Sigmund Freud, identified several stages of child development. In one of them, children experience a feeling of falling in love with their parent of the opposite sex. This is necessary for sexual self-determination. So, for girls during this period, the father figure is important. Therefore, if he was absent or he behaved badly, the daughter will try to make up for the lack of male warmth. Hence the desire to find an older partner. Sometimes the opposite situation happens: the girl loves her father very much and strives to find an identical figure. Because he wants to feel safe.
What then dictates the love of an adult man for a young girl? As a rule, this is a desire to show oneself as a daring lover and Casanova. On the other hand, a person can be driven by banal complexes. Young fans are usually not spoiled by attention and gifts, so they are easy to win over.
Prospects and outcome of such relationships
As a rule, you cannot know in advance how happy a marriage will be. The age difference does not matter - an adult man and a young girl can be happy. The main thing is how much the couple is ready to give in to each other and make compromises. It is better for young ladies to clearly understand the prospects of such relationships: no one gets younger over the years and the risk of becoming a nurse for an already elderly spouse is extremely high.
At the same time, the spouse is also under threat. If he had any health problems, the young wife would immediately file for divorce. It is worth soberly assessing the union: in times of trouble, few people are ready to selflessly go to improve the life of another person.
You should also be careful when it comes to having children. Since the quality of sperm deteriorates with age and this complicates conception. Plus, the wife at any time risks remaining in the status of a widow and with minor children. This is also worth keeping in mind.
In general, love between an adult man and a young girl depends on themselves. Only time can tell how successful a marriage will be. Therefore, determine the motives for your behavior and move towards achieving your goal.
A mature man often becomes an object of “hunting” and flirting for ladies of different ages. An adult woman is attracted to stability, financial solvency and a low likelihood of cheating. Young women are attracted to the wisdom, forbearance, rich life experience and material prosperity that most men achieve in adulthood. In addition, a man “in his prime” is, as a rule, a gentle and experienced lover who knows a lot about pleasure.
However, winning such men is not easy. They value freedom, and are most often discerning, distrustful and suspicious (“she only needs my money, apartment, social status...” and so on). How to charm a mature man?
Becoming the life partner of a mature man, oddly enough, is much more desirable for a woman of “Balzac’s age” than for a young lady. In matters of living together, a man trusts his partner, who has lived and suffered grief, more than the young charming woman. The age difference scares a man, and there are many reasons for this. There are many reasons for fears: he is afraid of betrayal, insincere attitudes, material claims and differences in worldview, he is afraid of sexual failures in bed, deception and betrayal on the part of a young applicant for the role of life partner.
Intellectual communication is essential for a mature man in a relationship. This does not mean that the applicant for the role of life partner must at least have a PhD. But the ability to be an interesting conversationalist and a good outlook will be a definite advantage, and flirting with an intellectual “note,” a slight mystery, a little mystery, the ability to listen and hear the interlocutor will dramatically increase the chances.
A huge disadvantage in the eyes of an adult man can be the habit of arguing about any issue. Trust in the words spoken by a man is one of those qualities in a woman that can conquer the majority of men’s hearts.
Harsh criticism, excessive capriciousness, hot temper, fixation on one’s appearance and other advantages, as well as attempts to manipulate a man with the help of conditions can do harm. Adult men do not like endless bargaining for a woman’s favor, rightly believing that it takes time, nerves and lowers their mood.
In general, if a woman in a relationship from the very beginning claims exclusive attention to her person, the man may be disappointed, since no one wants to lose the feeling of independence and freedom at the first female demand. By insisting on her demands and fulfilling conditions, exerting psychological pressure or throwing tantrums, a young woman risks remaining “in her own interests.” Grown men forgive young women a lot, but emotional discomfort in a relationship can destroy any charm, and very quickly.
A mature man is not afraid to take responsibility for the relationship and will gladly take part in solving problems for a potential partner, especially if he sees a future together and a long-term perspective. Therefore, you should not strive to look like some kind of super-independent young lady in his eyes. On the contrary, slight defenselessness will only attract him, and the opportunity to help the woman he likes will allow him to increase his own self-esteem. Therefore, you should not neglect his help, it brings you closer together. While refusing help may disappoint him and sow doubts about his own need for the relationship that has arisen.
A very delicate issue is the physiology of sexual relations. The sensuality of a young woman, which has not yet blossomed, at first easily harmonizes with the sexuality of a mature man. He is in no hurry, devotes more time to his partner (unlike his hypersexual peers), does not torment his partner with excessive demands, and his experience only enhances harmony in the process of physical intimacy. However, when deciding to marry a man who is significantly older than his partner, one cannot ignore the difference in sexual appetites. In such a marriage, there is a possibility of disharmony in the future, when the man’s sexual desire begins to fade away, and the woman will be in the “prime” of sensuality. Of course, this problem may not be so acute, but both should be prepared to solve it.
You should also not overestimate the importance of sexual attraction in a relationship with an adult, sophisticated man. Do not forget that there is a huge difference in worldview between a young man and a mature, accomplished man. A mature partner cannot be seduced by a sexual challenge; unlike young guys, such men are not so susceptible to liberated behavior and open flirtation. A display of sensuality will not have the desired effect if it is out of place. Getting an experienced man into bed in this way will not be difficult, but further relationships will most likely turn out to be unpromising from the point of view of a full-fledged union and marriage.
Flirting with a mature man should be aimed at full communication, at gaining trust in each other, and not at simple physiological seduction. Then the relationship will be deep and strong, and the marriage will be stable..
For many it remains secret. because of which a beautiful young woman, still very young, begins to see an adult man who is balding and obviously does not possess external beauty. At a time when he is rich, this can still be interpreted by the fact that the woman has found a permanent sponsor in him. Perhaps she is so very lacking in money at this period of her life that she is ready to realize her youth instead of material well-being. But since quite often there are cases where a man is not rich at all, but a woman still sees him, not paying attention to the condemnation of friends, acquaintances and, of course, relatives.
In fact, look back and you will realize that this is not the case at all. For many of the men we interviewed, an affair with a girl fifteen to twenty years younger than themselves is considered entirely possible. The difference in age, of course, leaves its mark on your relationship. But, roughly speaking, your affair is no different from an affair with a peer. There is a man and a lady, and they like each other. This is the main thing.
Myth 2. He will always see you as a small girl.
In fact, this is the case, due to the fact that, in any case, you are younger than him. But isn't that good? There should be something of a child in a lady, and your youth and carefree nature will give your relationship a special piquancy. And the fact that he will treat you like a little girl does not at all indicate that he will not really accept you. Perhaps a man 20 years older, due to his age and experience, will not always agree with your opinion, but if your relationship becomes important, he will take it into account.
I decided not to tell everyone about who my new boyfriend is and how old he is, but to simply enjoy the relationship. My greatest fear was not that my friends and family would judge me, but rather that they would name compelling reasons why we would need to separate. For myself, I clearly found out what I wanted from this relationship, and I took what I wanted. And with you, beloved reader, I share the advantages of a relationship with an older man.
1. One of the main advantages of dating an older man is his life experience. This was evident in everything: he knew how to plan his day, set the right priorities and understood how to build relationships.
Under no circumstances could they imagine how very interesting it would be to communicate with a mature man. He will show her not only that true love, but will also allow her to feel that she is completely safe with him, and will help her in difficult times. It will allow you to feel small, very adored, and no matter what happens, you will not let go anywhere and under any circumstances.
What is the love of a mature man?
We, psychologists, know well that ladies and girls who have been in relationships in which they had to put up with the second role - not daring to demand, depending on the thirst of a man, fearing being abandoned, expecting and enduring pain - they get used to being in this position . And they lose the ability to be joyful.
And yet, later all their lives they think that it is unrealistic to adore them with absolute, faithful, sincere love. Since their closest people under no circumstances truly adored them! And such ladies get used to pleasing others, satisfying other people’s needs and thirsts, pleasing, living someone else’s life - since this is precisely why they were praised and adored. They quite often do not believe in true love, despite the fact that they really desire it. They suffer greatly from the fact that they are sure that there is no love in their life due to the fact that they themselves are not very good. And they don’t know that they just need help in finding themselves and learning to love again.
Watch the video: What to do if a man is older than you
Article creator: Nurgul Sultanova
Source of materials: Internet
You need to realize that a lady for an adult is, first of all, internal fulfillment. It should be very interesting to be with her, she should have a soul and the kind of temperament that suits a man. Adult representatives of the stronger sex value intelligence. Many girls become disappointed in such relationships when they begin to feel that an adult man is behaving like a dad. And his love will truly resemble a father’s.
If your chosen one is much older than you, then it will be difficult to get him out somewhere in public, evenings at clubs will be replaced by home gatherings, fun will no longer consist of noisy companies. If a young woman is ready to give up all the beauties of youth and devote her life to creating domestic happiness, then a relationship with an adult of the opposite sex will be suitable for her.
