Jensen's message from Fangasm "Family is more than just blood." Aryan family When a child is a trophy

The concept of family for the Aryans is beneficial both in the biological sense and in the mathematical sense. In biological terms, family is a continuation of the Family, and in mathematical terms, it is seven selves, that is, seven personalities: me, my father, grandfather and great-grandfather, as well as my son, grandson and great-grandson.

With difficulty, but many Ancient Traditions of the Aryans have survived to this day in the form of Sumerian, Slavic, Iranian, Indo-Aryan, Araratian, Greek, Scandinavian legends.

The Aryan understanding of family is not limited to the instinct of procreation. Family is also the preparation of favorable conditions for rebirths (subsequent incarnations).

In the Ararat legends about rebirth in the Aryan family it is said that the Spirit of the Great-Grandfather is again embodied in the son, therefore the Aryans have the same respect for their descendants as for their Ancestors. The person who is born is named by the name of his previous life, and if a person acquires new qualities of perfection, then he is named by a new name, expressing the state and greatness of his Spirit. He will be given the same name at his next birth.

With the help of his father, Arius gains not only the experience of his current life. To it is added the experience of the lives of his father, grandfather and great-grandfather. In the end, experience accumulates and is comprehended so much that it leads to the Treasured Wisdom.

Those Aryans who comprehend the Highest Truth, after life, move to the world of Rule (the spiritual world of the Most High Progenitor and his eldest children - the Aryan Gods, located beyond Space and Time). They no longer need rebirth in our Explicit World and help their Family from the world of Rule.

In addition to kindred souls, Spirits of the World of Glory* are born in the Aryan family, belonging to other ancestral branches of the Aryan World Tree of our Universe, if they correspond to the Image of the Spirit and Blood (genetic code) of this Family.

It happens that the Spirit of the Ancestor refuses to be born in his Family, or stops helping if the Family violates the Family Foundations and the descendants degenerate, violating the rule of non-violence. Depending on the degree of the violation, the Ancestor either waits for the correction of his relatives, or looks for another family for his improvement in a new incarnation.

The Aryan family is ruled by God and Goddess - the ancestors. Lad and Love, respect and mutual understanding reign in it. According to the Aryans, “patriarchy” is an underestimation of women, and “matriarchy” is an overestimation.

The Aryan family is a fusion of masculine and feminine principles in a unity of opposites.

Each Aryan family is a small Iriy on Earth - the path to the Heavenly Iriy.

Jensen's message is small, so I decided that it could be translated, although the book has just started selling, but I still won't attach a scan. (I ordered the book, and since Jared’s chapter (according to rumors) is about 30 pages, I will already take permission to translate there).

So, Jensen's message...

“How much has my experience working on Supernatural and interacting with the Supernatural fandom changed me? A lot.
I'll give you just one example. Before Supernatural, the idea of having a private meet-and-greet - which I now have all the time at Cons, where a small group of twenty or so fans ask me questions - would have scared the crap out of me. Before such an experience, even on family events, I was incredibly worried. I remember at my brother's wedding, when I had to give a toast, I was so nervous that my mouth was terribly dry. I couldn't even speak! I remember sitting and thinking: “What’s wrong with me?” But I was already a professional actor then, and I didn’t understand why I just couldn’t get up and make a toast. As if it was some other Jensen, from another reality!
The thing is, on set you have a script. You don't have to be yourself when you play. Unlike that wedding. All in all, it was pretty terrible. And then there was my first awards ceremony, where I had to present an award. I was so nervous that I felt like I was going to pass out on stage. Despite the fact that I knew all the lines perfectly well - and even saw them on the teleprompter! It didn't matter. I felt like I would faint just trying to do it.
Fast forward ten years. Supernatural and my experience with the fans and the convention changed that for me. And it's all because of this interaction between us. I think Jared and everyone else will tell you the same thing. It all stems from the love between us. We get so much energy from you. It's like fuel. This exchange of emotions between us is like fuel that charges me. And these emotions are absolutely sincere; they are real. It changes everything.
Jared and I recently presented an award at the Saturn Awards ( note translation. - On June 22, 2016, Jensen and Jared presented Eric Kripke with the Dan Curtis Award for Lifetime Achievement in Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror at the 42nd Saturn Awards.), and it was a completely different experience than my first ceremony. It felt comfortable, as if we were at the Convention with all of you. We were so comfortable that we even went off script and started making jokes - even with William Shatner himself! What you and I have, fandom, has influenced the rest of my life. This feeling of comfort was passed on. You see, we are no longer strangers. You are not strangers to me. Of course, we are all a little bit strangers - and we take that little bit in each of us, and we mix these little fragments together, and that's why we love the relationships that we have. You are family. And you changed me."

Informative

There is an opinion that for a woman there is no difference between her children: mother's love and there is enough attention for everyone. Ideally, a mother should love and care for all her children equally. But we know a lot of examples when one of the children in the family experienced an acute lack of parental love, and someone was a favorite who was spoiled by everyone.

In fact, there are many more such families than we can imagine. As is known, the maternal model of behavior is inherited. And those who suffered from a lack of parental love in childhood have to make great efforts to break this circle. But, according to writer Peg Streep, mothers’ “favorites” also have a hard time in life. In her article, she writes about what the unequal attitude of parents towards children leads to.

When a child is a trophy

There are many reasons why one of the children turns out to be the favorite, but the main one can be highlighted - the “favorite” is more like the mother. Imagine an anxious and withdrawn woman who has two children - one is quiet and obedient, the second is energetic, excitable, constantly trying to break boundaries. Which one will be easier for her to raise?

It also happens that parents treat children differently at different stages of development. For example, it is easier for a powerful and authoritarian mother to raise a very young child, because the older one is already capable of disagreeing and arguing. That's why youngest child often becomes my mother’s “favorite.” But often this is only a temporary position.

“In the earliest photographs, my mother holds me like a shining porcelain doll. She is not looking at me, but directly into the lens, because in this photo she is showing off the most valuable of her things. I am like a purebred puppy to her. Everywhere dressed to the nines - a huge bow, elegant dress, white shoes. I remember these shoes well - I always had to make sure that there was not a stain on them, they had to be in perfect condition. True, later I began to show independence and, even worse, became like my dad, and my mother was very unhappy with this. She made it clear that I had not grown up the way she wanted or expected. And I lost my place in the sun."

Not all mothers fall into this trap.

“Looking back, I realize that my mother had much more trouble with my older sister. She constantly needed help, but I didn’t. At the time, no one knew that she had obsessive-compulsive disorder; she was diagnosed with this as an adult, but that was the point. But in all other respects, my mother tried to treat us equally. Even though she didn't spend as much time with me as she did with her sister, I never felt unfairly treated."

But this does not happen in all families, especially if we are talking about a mother with a tendency to control or narcissistic traits. In such families, the child is seen as an extension of the mother herself. As a result, relationships develop according to fairly predictable patterns. One of them I call the “trophy child.”

First, let's talk in more detail about the different attitudes of parents towards children.

The effect of unequal treatment

It will hardly surprise anyone that children are extremely sensitive to any unequal treatment from their parents. Another thing that is noteworthy is that rivalry between brothers and sisters, which is considered a “normal” phenomenon, can have a completely abnormal effect on children, especially if this “cocktail” is also mixed with unequal treatment on the part of parents.

Research by psychologists Judy Dunn and Robert Plomin has shown that children are often more influenced by their parents' attitudes towards their siblings than towards themselves. According to them, “if a child sees that the mother is showing more love and care for his brother or sister, this can devalue for him even the love and care that she shows for himself.”

Humans are biologically programmed to react more strongly to potential dangers and threats. We remember negative experiences better than joyful and happy ones. This is why it can be easier to remember how your mother literally beamed with joy while hugging your brother or sister - and how deprived we felt at the same time - than those times when she smiled at you and seemed pleased with you. For the same reason, curses, insults and ridicule from one parent are not compensated by the kind attitude of the other.

In families where there were favorites, the likelihood of depression in adulthood increases not only among unloved, but also among beloved children

Unequal treatment on the part of parents has many negative effects on the child - self-esteem decreases, the habit of self-criticism develops, the conviction of being useless and unloved appears, a tendency to inappropriate behavior arises - this is how the child tries to attract attention to himself, and the risk of depression increases. And, of course, the child’s relationship with his brothers and sisters suffers.

When a child grows up or leaves the parental home, the established pattern of relationships cannot always be changed. It is noteworthy that in families where there were favorites, the likelihood of depression in adulthood increases not only among unloved children, but also among beloved children.

“It was as if I was sandwiched between two “stars” - my older brother, an athlete, and my younger sister, a ballerina. It didn’t matter that I was a straight A student and won prizes in science competitions, obviously that wasn’t “glamorous” enough for my mother. She was very critical of my appearance. “Smile,” she constantly repeated, “it is especially important for plain-looking girls to smile more often.” It was simply cruel. And guess what? My idol was Cinderella,” says one woman.

Research shows that unequal treatment by parents affects children more severely if they are of the same gender.

Podium

Mothers who view their children as an extension of themselves and proof of their own worth prefer children who help them appear successful—especially to outsiders.

The classic case is a mother trying to realize her unfulfilled ambitions, especially creative ones, through her child. Examples of such children include famous actresses - Judy Garland, Brooke Shields and many others. But “trophy children” are not necessarily associated with the world of show business; similar situations can be found in the most ordinary families.

Sometimes the mother herself does not realize that she treats her children differently. But the “podium for the winners” in the family is created quite openly and consciously, sometimes even turning into a ritual. Children in such families - regardless of whether they are “lucky” to become a “trophy child” - with early age understand that the mother is not interested in their personality, she only cares about their achievements and the light in which they present her.

When love and approval in the family have to be won, it not only fuels rivalry among children, but also raises the standards by which all family members are judged. The thoughts and experiences of “winners” and “losers” don’t really bother anyone, but it’s harder for a “trophy child” to realize this than for those who happen to become a “scapegoat.”

“I definitely belonged to the category of “trophy children” - until I realized that I could decide for myself what to do. Mom sometimes loved me, sometimes was angry with me, but mostly admired me for her own benefit - for her image, for “show off”, in order to receive the love and care that she herself did not receive as a child.

When she stopped receiving from me those hugs, kisses and love that she needed - I just grew up, and she never managed to grow up - and when I began to decide for myself how to live, I suddenly became for her the worst person in the world.

I had a choice: to be independent and say what I think, or to silently submit to her, with all her unhealthy demands and inappropriate behavior. I chose the first, did not hesitate to openly criticize her and remained true to myself. And I'm much happier than I could have been as a trophy child.

Family dynamics

Imagine that the mother is the Sun, and the children are the planets that revolve around her and try to get their share of warmth and attention. To do this, they constantly do something that will present her in a favorable light, and try to please her in everything.

“You know what they say: “If mom isn’t happy, no one will be happy”? Our family lived by this principle. And I didn’t realize that this was abnormal until I grew up. I was not the family’s idol, although I was not the scapegoat either. The “trophy” was my sister, I was the one who was ignored, and my brother was considered a failure.

We were assigned such roles and, for the most part, we lived up to them throughout our childhood. My brother ran away, finished college while working, and now I'm the only family member he has contact with. My sister lives two streets away from my mother, I don’t communicate with them. My brother and I have settled down well and are happy with life. Both started good families and keep in touch with each other.”

Although in many families the position of the trophy child is relatively stable, in others it may constantly shift. Here is the case of a woman in whose life a similar dynamic persisted throughout her childhood and continues even now, when her parents are no longer alive:

“The position of the “trophy child” in our family constantly shifted depending on which of us was now behaving the way the mother thought the other two children should behave. We all developed animosity towards each other, and many years later, as adults, this growing tension burst out when our mother became ill, needed care, and then passed away.

The conflict resurfaced when our father fell ill and died. And to this day, any discussion of upcoming family meetings is not complete without a showdown.

We have always been tormented by doubts about whether we are living correctly.

Mom herself was one of four sisters - all close in age - and with early years I learned to behave “correctly”. My brother was her only son; she had no brothers growing up. His barbs and sarcastic comments were treated condescendingly, because “he didn’t do this out of malice.” Surrounded by two girls, he was a “trophy boy.”

I think he understood that his rank in the family was higher than ours, although he believed that I was my mother’s favorite. Both brother and sister understand that our positions on the “podium” were constantly changing. Because of this, we were always tormented by doubts about whether we were living correctly.”

In such families, everyone is constantly on guard and always watches, lest they be “outdone” in some way. For most people, this is difficult and tiring.

Sometimes the dynamics of relationships in such a family are not limited to assigning the child to the role of a “trophy”; parents also begin to actively shame or belittle the self-esteem of his brother or sister. Other children often join in the bullying, trying to gain favor with their parents.

“In our family and in general among relatives, my sister was considered perfection itself, so when something went wrong and it was necessary to find the culprit, it always turned out to be me. One day my sister left the back door of the house open, our cat ran away, and they blamed me for everything. My sister herself actively participated in this, constantly lying and slandering me. And she continued to behave the same way when we grew up. In my opinion, in 40 years, my mother never said a word against her sister. Why, when there is me? Or rather, she was - until she broke off all relations with both of them.”

A few more words about winners and losers

While studying stories from readers, I noticed how many women who were disliked and even scapegoated in childhood said that now they are glad that they were not “trophies.” I am not a psychologist or psychotherapist, but for more than 15 years I have regularly communicated with women who were not loved by their mothers, and this seemed quite remarkable to me.

These women were not trying to downplay the significance of their experiences or downplay the pain they felt as an outcast in their own family - on the contrary, they emphasized it in every possible way - and admitted that in general they had a terrible childhood. But - and this is important - many noted that their brothers and sisters, who acted as “trophies”, were never able to escape the unhealthy dynamics family relations, and they did it themselves - simply because they had to.

There have been many stories of “trophy daughters” who have become replicas of their mothers – equally narcissistic women prone to control through divide-and-conquer tactics. And there were stories about sons who were so praised and protected - they had to be ideal - that even after 45 years they continued to live in their parents' house.

Some have cut off contact with their families, others maintain communication, but do not hesitate to point out their behavior to their parents.

Some noted that this vicious relationship pattern was inherited by the next generation, and it continued to influence the grandchildren of those mothers who were accustomed to viewing children as trophies.

On the other hand, I heard many stories of daughters who were able to decide not to remain silent, but to defend their interests. Some have broken off contact with their families, others maintain communication, but do not hesitate to directly point out their inappropriate behavior to their parents.

Some decided to become “suns” themselves and give warmth to other “planetary systems”. They worked hard to fully understand and process what happened to them as children, and built their own lives - with their circle of friends and their family. This does not mean that they do not have mental wounds, but they all have one thing in common: for them, what is more important is not what a person does, but what he is.

I call this progress.

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At some point, many of us try to figure out how to find relatives and whether reunification with our “native blood” is possible. In any case, it’s nice to know that your family is not limited to you and a couple of other people, that there is some kind of continuation and community. But you shouldn’t take this seriously either; now relatives living on neighboring streets may not see each other for years, let alone distant relatives.

Lost connections with relatives

Boundless open spaces force periodic relocations:

Relatives are often thousands of kilometers away.
Distant relatives or acquaintances can be found in almost any region.
Few people try to restore previously lost connections.
People remember each other only when they need something.

You can really forget about such a relationship - you have never met a person and until recently did not even suspect the very fact of his existence. A small common part of the genetic material is wonderful, but it is far from a fact that this “community” included exactly good qualities. It’s a different story when it comes to once-lost contacts.

Seeing an old acquaintance with whom you are also related by blood is always interesting. Especially if decades have passed since the last meeting. But it’s not always possible to meet again - age, distance and busyness do their dirty work.

How to find relatives by last name?

Let's assume that out of all the data we only have the last name:

Go to any search engine and type it in.
Check the results, look at all the news and indexed documents.
Add a possible middle name or region to get more accurate information.
Make sure that the information received is not particularly valuable.

Sometimes you can find a note or news about a person, sometimes databases with numbers or addresses are indexed.

If all else fails:

In this case, you can immediately communicate with the supposed relatives, finding out all the facts of interest. When “OK” and “VK” first appeared and began to gain popularity, this was the way many people restored lost connections.

But the Internet is not limited to social networks and search engines. There are many services and resources offering search for relatives, drawing up pedigrees and other services of a similar nature. There are many scammers among them, so check reviews carefully before starting cooperation.

And the remaining offices use public archives and databases; anyone, or almost anyone, can send a request.

Reconnecting with family

Don't expect a warm welcome:

You are talking to absolutely strangers, even if you are related.
The huge number of scammers forces us to increase our level of vigilance.
People may think that the only reason you are trying to "get back together" is because you need something. And there is logic in this.
Kinship does not guarantee good character and friendliness. Sometimes it's more the other way around.

It is better to start communication or restore it gradually - social networks, calls, rare meetings. You shouldn’t impose yourself on people or pour out all your problems at once. It doesn’t hurt to ask about the rest of your family, inquire about their successes and failures. By and large, we are talking about forming a new acquaintance, the rules are exactly the same. Don't force things and don't demonstrate emotional stupidity, then everything will be fine.

You definitely shouldn’t dump any requests on your newly found relatives immediately after the “meeting”. This will immediately form a negative image that will be difficult to get rid of. No one can be pleased when they are remembered only in case of emergency.

How to find relatives of a deceased person?

To establish the inheritance order or fulfill the last will of the deceased, you can:

Check out the house book.
Contact the passport office.
Send a request to the police.
Use the archive.
Send a lawyer's request to the registry office.
Go to the information desk.

Not everywhere they will be happy to provide you with information, especially if you yourself are not a relative of the deceased. But persistence, correctly formulated requests and the willingness to wait work wonders.

If you don’t have the time or desire to get on your nerves, contact a detective agency. For them, this work will not be difficult; in addition to publicly available “channels,” they can also use their own. The efficiency of the result obtained will have to be compensated for by an amount that is not so significant.

You can also resort to help social networks, you will have to ask all the individuals found if they are relatives of this person. Considering the reach of the audience, the probability of success in this case is quite high. And most importantly, it’s completely free and you won’t have to wait for a response for several weeks, if not longer.

We are looking for relatives in any city

Searching for relatives is a dreary, sometimes doomed to failure, but still an interesting activity:

You should take advantage of all available resources.
The younger generation can be found on social networks.
The registry office, archive and information desk will help you obtain information about all your relatives.
A request to the police can be regarded as one of the last resorts.
Many companies offer their services in this area.

If you want to get to know your ancestry better, you will have to spend a little money. Even having found relatives, you can only obtain data about their closest relatives, going deep into the “roots” family tree always get lost. Archives should help in this matter, but even they cannot always have the last word. War, fires and rats are the main enemies of documentation.

Many families “left” small towns or villages. You can go to your native land, visit relatives and collect information about other family members. The relatives themselves will tell you some things, other information can be obtained from neighbors. Local archives, in this regard, can rarely help in any way.

It is not difficult to find out how to find relatives, even this process itself is not that burdensome. It is difficult to establish contact with the “lost” branches of the family, to find mutual language and don't lose touch again. The main thing is not to remember at the most inopportune moment why exactly you stopped communicating.

Video: Guide to Finding Relatives

In this video, presenter Dmitry Isaev will talk about a new online database that helps you find a relative:

The family, as we know, is not limited to spouses, parents and children. Those people who are constantly nearby, participate in the upbringing, maintenance and development of their relatives also have the right to assistance in maintenance in case of disability and other life situations.

At the same time, persons united by the concept of “other family members” are obliged to help family members in need, regardless of whether they live together or not.

The law includes “other family members” as brothers, sisters, grandparents, grandchildren, stepsons and stepdaughters, as well as “actual” pupils. Their alimony obligations are alimony obligations of the second priority; they can exercise their right only if it is not possible to receive funds for maintenance from parents, children, spouses or ex-spouses. The named persons may enter into an agreement on the payment of alimony, which will stipulate the amount, conditions and procedure for paying alimony. If there is no agreement on the payment of alimony, then the interested party can collect alimony in court.

There are alimony obligations:

a) brothers and sisters for the maintenance of brothers and sisters (Article 93 of the RF IC);

Minor brothers and sisters have the right to alimony when brothers and sisters need help:

Adult brothers and sisters have the right to alimony if they are disabled:

If they cannot receive maintenance from their able-bodied adult children, spouses (former spouses) or parents,

They have the right to receive alimony in court from their able-bodied adult brothers and sisters who have the necessary means for this.

b) grandparents for the maintenance of grandchildren (Article 94 of the RF IC);

First of all, their parents (if the needy grandchildren are minors) and their spouses (former spouses), parents (if the needy grandchildren are adults) are obliged to provide support to needy grandchildren. However, if needy grandchildren cannot receive maintenance from the persons who are primarily obliged to support them, then they have the right to receive alimony from their grandparents in court (if they have the necessary means for this).

Minor grandchildren have the right to alimony when they need help:

If it is impossible to receive maintenance from your parents;

Adult grandchildren have the right to alimony if they are disabled:

If they cannot receive maintenance from their spouses (former spouses) or from their parents;

They have the right to receive alimony in court from their grandparents who have the necessary means for this.

Disabled grandparents in need of assistance have the right to receive maintenance from their grandchildren:

If it is impossible to receive maintenance from your adult able-bodied children or from your spouse (former spouse);

They have the right to demand in court to receive alimony from their able-bodied adult grandchildren who have the necessary means for this.

d) pupils are supported by actual educators (Article 96 of the RF IC);

The obligation of pupils to support actual educators manifests itself when disabled needy persons who actually raised and supported minor children do not have the opportunity to receive maintenance from their adult able-bodied children or from spouses (former spouses) or have the right to demand in court the provision of maintenance from their able-bodied children. pupils who have reached adulthood.

These responsibilities are not assigned to persons who were under guardianship (trusteeship), or to persons who were raised in foster families.

An actual caregiver is any person (a relative of a child or a stranger to him/her) who voluntarily took in a child for permanent maintenance and upbringing, but who has not formalized adoption, guardianship (trusteeship) in the prescribed manner, or who has not entered into an agreement with the guardianship and trusteeship authority on the transfer of the child. for education.

The court has the right to release pupils from the obligation to support actual educators if the latter supported and educated them for less than five years, as well as if they supported and educated their pupils in an improper manner. These facts are established by the court taking into account all the circumstances of a particular case.

e) stepsons and stepdaughters for the maintenance of their stepfather and stepmother (Article 97 of the RF IC).

Disabled stepfathers and stepmothers who are in need of help, who raised and supported their stepsons or stepdaughters, have the right to support from their stepsons and stepdaughters:

If it is impossible to receive maintenance from your adult able-bodied children or from spouses (former spouses);

They have the right to demand in court the provision of maintenance from able-bodied adult stepsons or stepdaughters who have the necessary means for this.

A stepfather or stepmother is the spouse of a person who has a child from another marriage (or an illegitimate child) in relation to this child. The child himself is called (depending on gender) a stepson or stepdaughter.

The court has the right to release stepsons and stepdaughters from the obligation to support their stepfather or stepmother if the latter raised and supported them for less than five years, and also if they fulfilled their duties in raising or maintaining their stepsons and stepdaughters in an improper manner.

Common to all considered alimony obligation relatives are:

The amount and procedure for paying alimony can be determined by agreement of the parties;

In the absence of an agreement between the parties, the amount of alimony collected in court is established in each individual case by the court based on the financial and marital status of the payer and recipient of alimony and other noteworthy interests of the parties in a fixed amount of money payable monthly;

If several persons are required to support a family member requiring alimony at the same time, the court, depending on their financial and marital status, determines the amount of participation of each of them in fulfilling the alimony obligation. When determining the amount of alimony, the court has the right to take into account all persons obligated to pay alimony, regardless of whether a claim is brought against all of these persons, against one of them, or against several of them.

Tikhomirova L.V. Alimony: a practical guide. - Published by “Tikhomirova M.Yu.”, 2004