I'm going to visit what you need to know. We go on a visit: what to take with us from food, to the table, what to take, boy and girl, what to buy for a child? Guest etiquette rules for adults and children. What to buy when you visit

Everyone comes to visit, but not everyone thinks about how to do it right. But even this area has its own peculiarities of etiquette, which will help you understand how to go on a visit correctly and make sure that you are welcome in any home.

Early warning

If you are going to visit not by invitation, but on your own initiative, the owners of the house must be warned in advance. Fortunately, today this can be done without difficulty, for example, by contacting them by phone or e-mail. It is not necessary to confront the owner with a fact, but to clarify whether he will be able to receive you and when he is ready to do it.

If for any reason you have to cancel your visit, try to warn the hosts as early as possible and do not forget to apologize.

Punctuality and tact

You need to come to any place on time, even if you are going to the closest people who will be completely calm about being late. If for any reason you have to be late, be sure to warn those who are waiting.

When and how to visit, how much time to spend on it? In this matter, it is necessary to be guided by a sense of courtesy and tact.

• They do not go to visit early in the morning or, conversely, late in the evening. Ideal times are weekday evenings and weekend afternoons.
• In case of a friendly dinner, it is better to leave the house no later than 22-24 hours.
• If you were invited to a party, try to leave with the main stream of guests.
• A business conversation or other formal visit should not last longer than 2 hours. In most cases, even a quarter of an hour is enough for this.
• The visit should not be shorter than 15-20 minutes, even if you “just dropped in to say hello”.
• Holidays are not the best time for spontaneous visits.

If the hosts invited only you, you should not bring third parties with them - colleagues, friends and acquaintances. There are exceptions, for example, if there is no one to leave a child with or relatives who suddenly appear. But such a "group" visit should not come as a surprise to the hosts. Under no circumstances should you take animals with you.

Not empty handed

It has always been believed that visiting someone's home is worth a small present that doesn't have to be expensive. A bottle of wine, chocolate or a modest bouquet for the hostess is perfect. If there are small children in the house, you can purchase something for them too, for example, a small toy or sweets.

When we come to visit, especially to unfamiliar people, a lot of questions arise. The answers to them are not always obvious: what to do if you accidentally broke the master's service, how to behave when you are persistently asked to take away the remaining treats, is it decent to ask for more? AiF.ru helped to understand them teacher-consultant on etiquette and business protocol Tatyana Nikolaeva.

1. Is it decent to come with your drinks and food for a visit, if for some reason you have not coordinated them with the hostess's menu?

There is one important rule: all drinks (food) that guests bring with them should be put on the table by decent people. Naturally, a situation may arise that your alcohol (dish) simply does not fit into the already created menu. For this reason, I would recommend choosing versatile drinks such as cognac. Another option - you can bring something and tell the hostess that it is for her personally, her family. Then she has the right not to put your food presents on the table.

As for some dishes that you spontaneously decided to take with you, it is better to refrain from such an idea. Suddenly, your salad will be the same as the hostess, and the guests will start comparing them. Hardly anyone will like it.

2. Is it decent to ask for supplements?

If there is enough food, your request will only please the hostess, for her this is a kind of praise. But when the last spoon remains, she herself must either distribute it among those who wish, or offer it to someone who has been especially heavy on the dish.

In general, there is nothing criminal in such a request. For example, there is the last piece of cake left. You can easily share it in half with your neighbor or the one sitting opposite. If they do not support your initiative, voice the following phrase out loud: "Since everyone refuses, I, with your permission, will eat this piece of cake."

3. How to give up alcohol if you do not drink for some reason?

Refer to the doctor's ban. But this can provoke another question from others: "What happened to you?" Therefore, this option is suitable for unfamiliar companies, where you are unlikely to be asked about the details.

In the event that you do not drink for your ideological convictions, it is absolutely not necessary to voice them to the assembled guests. Just limit yourself to the phrase: "I do not drink."

Also, in order not to attract attention to yourself, you can always pretend that you are drinking (moistened your lips with champagne - put a glass on). However, there is another danger here - in any company there are people who consider it their duty to water everyone around. It is unlikely that your little lies will hide from their eyes.

4. If you are not eating a salad ingredient, can you gently take it out and leave it on a plate while eating the rest of the dish?

It is better to refuse the dish altogether. Picking out onions, peas, any other ingredient based on your taste preferences will ruin the appetite of others.

Another question is when a person has medical contraindications (for example, allergies). It is better to voice them quietly at once to the hostess. And she will already tell you what you can eat and what not.

Again, you don't need to tell everyone that you are vegan or are fasting at the moment. This is personal information. By the way, let me remind you that fasting is not only a refusal of food, but also a refusal of some kind of entertainment. Since you have decided to limit yourself in food, stay at home, you do not need to visit guests.

5. How to behave if you see a dirty spoon or hair in a salad?

Of course, in such a delicate situation, you don't need to demonstrate either one or the other. A good hostess is always looking to see if the guests are eating or sitting back. In the latter situation, she will certainly ask: "Is something wrong?" At this point, you should quietly say: "Please replace me a portion." This phrase is enough for the hostess to fulfill your request without asking unnecessary questions.

Also, you yourself can take the initiative and quietly, without attracting the attention of guests, ask to replace the plate.

6. Is it possible not to finish eating a dish?

Yes, each of us has our own taste preferences. The hostess cannot know them. But a well-mannered person will never say that, for example, he does not like fish (any other product), so he will not eat it. He will agree to try the dish, he will simply ask you to put in a very small portion, for example, saying that he is already full. In addition, it is very important to praise the hostess, so you show respect for her efforts.

7. Is it necessary to warn the hosts that you will not come to the celebration alone?

Necessarily, because people calculate a certain number of servings, seats, and so on. Without the permission of the owners, you cannot bring anyone with you, not even children. Such points should be discussed. To clarify the situation, you can use the phrase: "I would love to come to visit, but, unfortunately, I have no one to leave the child with." If the owners tell you - it's okay, come with the children, then you can do it with a clear conscience.

8. Is it appropriate to offer your help to the hostess, for example, bring food to the table, wash the dishes, etc.?

It all depends on the degree of intimacy with your host. When you are not very close, of course, it is worth offering help, but in no case should you insist. If the hostess said: "Thank you, myself." Don't contradict. Also, you cannot dispose of someone else's kitchen, climb into the refrigerator, lockers, etc.

I will note one more important point: it is wrong to wash dishes in the presence of guests. This is a kind of hint that it's time for everyone to leave. The only thing that can justify you in such a situation is the lack of utensils for serving the following dishes.

9. How late is it acceptable?

It is allowed to be late only 15 minutes. This is the time when the guests arrive. They cannot all appear exactly at the appointed hour. By the way, keep in mind that arriving early is also ugly. The maximum that you can afford in this case is 10 minutes (before the start of the celebration).

If, for some reason, you are late for more than 15 minutes, call the hostess and tell them to start the feast without you.

10. If you accidentally broke (broke) something in the house, how to get out of this situation?

Any material damage must be compensated. But this does not mean that you should drop everything and run to the store for new glasses. Offering money is also not always correct. In such a situation, it is better to then bring in what you accidentally smashed. I want to emphasize that the owners must behave with dignity in this situation. If your favorite glasses have accidentally turned into shards because of a guest, there is no need to lament about this.

11. What is the correct way to ask for a dish that is far away from you?

It is quite correct to ask the person who is sitting closest to him to pass the dish. You can also give your plate in order to be put to you. But there is a slight complication here - it is transmitted with devices, and this is not always convenient.

When it comes to a lady, she refers to the man who is on her left. Let me remind you that ideally the guests are seated through one: man - woman, man - woman. The guest turns to him: "Could you, Ivan Petrovich, ask them to give me that salad over there." And already Ivan Petrovich is acting according to the scheme I mentioned above.

12. Is it appropriate to take shoes and slippers with you when you are invited to visit?

To begin with, it is inappropriate to shoe the guests. It is not right. But, you see, few people want to sit at the New Year's table in winter boots and boots. Therefore, taking a change of shoes with you is a great solution.

Of course, when you dropped in to a friend's for a cup of coffee, you may well walk around her apartment in socks (tights), but if we are talking about some kind of gala dinner where ladies wear evening dresses, this look is inappropriate. It's important to choose removable shoes to match your outfit. This rule applies to both men and women. Only shoes, no slippers!

13. When you are invited to visit, can you ask the hosts who else will be present at the evening?

Asking such questions is ugly. However, good hosts themselves must make it clear to the guests what kind of party they are planning. Of course, no one will give you the names of all the invitees by name, they will just outline the picture in general terms. For example: there will be colleagues from work, my mother, relatives, etc. Thus, you will understand the level of the upcoming event and choose the appropriate outfit and image.

14. When we go into the bath to wash our hands, do we need to ask the hostess for a towel, or is it better not to bother her?

Drying yourself with master's towels is bad form. Never do this. To avoid such situations, you need to prepare for them. Prepare a stack of clean towels for guests with an urn (basket) to throw them away. As a last resort, use for the same purposes thick, disposable napkins (also with an urn for disposal).

15. How to behave when the hostess insistently invites you to take away something from the treats?

If we are talking about close people, then it is quite possible to agree to such a proposal. But when we are dealing with a relationship of a completely different level, the hostess should not offer such things, and you have the right to refuse. The main thing is that you yourself do not ask for anything from the festive table.

16. What topics are better not to bring up at the festive table?

It is definitely not worth raising topics that will lead guests to disputes, discussions and quarrels. I mean politics, sports (if fans of different teams have gathered). Do not discuss bad news, even when it is socially significant, health issues. Of course, you shouldn't gossip about other people.

17. May I ask the hostess to serve tea or coffee before the sweets are brought?

Remember, you don’t need to show your habits in someone else’s home. It is better to follow the program of the owners, because anything that goes against their plans, delivers certain inconveniences. Even if you really feel like tea or coffee, the most you can do is ask for a glass of water. A request like this is easier than making a hot drink.

18. When is it appropriate to leave and how to react to the persuasion of the owners to stay and sit a little longer?

If you know that you will have to leave early, discuss this point in advance. And since you are leaving the event critically early, it's best to only say goodbye to the hosts.

The serving of tea and coffee indicates that the program has come to an end and after about 15-30 minutes after that you need to get ready for home. As for persuasion to stay: if you decide to leave, leave. Do not give in to requests to stay for another half hour. Otherwise, you might just get bored with people.

Kotya Sapovich continues his weekly etiquette column on Kitchenmag.

Hosting receptions, presentations and dinners, hosting the evening is a favorite part of my job. And although I am not the most desperate housewife, I also know how and I love to receive guests at home. All you need to do is buy fresh produce, which will become gourmet appetizers, and order the main course in a safe place. Plus wine and good mood. No, really, going to visit is so natural and so great.

All girlfriends and friends are very fond of visiting me. Drink tea and coffee from porcelain cups, eat outlandish sweets from a vase, where one hundred and one varieties of sweets are mixed - even without serious meals. But there are such housewives who will bake the duck playfully, in between times. But the main thing is that there is etiquette describing private visits, which are still relevant to this day.

Just imagine yourself in the shoes of a hostess who wasted time and money, who was looking forward to meeting you and getting ready, and to whom half of the guest list did not come. Disgusting.Therefore, if you already know that you are busy on the proposed date, refuse, do not reassure. Accept the invitation - change the rest of the non-fatal (and not related, for example, with urgent foreign or business trips) plans.

The second question is simply monstrous. If you could appear accompanied by a partner or friend, friend, colleague, you would be called "plus one" anyway. Until the host of the evening has done this, you can only gratefully accept the invitation and enjoy the evening. Answering the mute question of married couples like "lovebirds" - yes, this is normal. If a certain meeting is of a one-time nature (birthday, wedding, presentation, promotion), one of you accepts such an invitation and goes to visit without the other. And, by the way, children are invited to visit only if you were invited with them.

I think there is no point in talking separately about punctuality in our time. At the same time, being late is as undesirable as a false start. Any housewife will prefer to change the apron for shoes without witnesses. If you plan to offer your friends or girlfriends the same thing (I mean to change your shoes), you should warn them about it. The team of bare feet and heels is traumatic.

Guests should not be wandering around the apartment alone. The hosts must show the guests the house themselves and offer to sit down. And when you are shown an apartment, you should not take objects from the shelves and turn them in your hands. The only exception is books if they can be taken from the shelf without hindrance. Asking what was bought where, if we are not talking about souvenirs from the trip, is also not accepted. And, of course, the apartment should be a compliment.If up to six people meet at a party, the seats are allocated and indicated by the inviter, if there are more, the guests are occupied by the vacant ones.

Dear readers, on this page of our site you can ask any question related to the life of the Zakamsky Deanery and Orthodoxy. Your questions are answered by the clergy of the Holy Ascension Cathedral in the city of Naberezhnye Chelny. We draw your attention to the fact that it is better, of course, to solve questions of a personal spiritual nature in live communication with a priest or with your confessor.

As soon as the answer is prepared, your question and answer will be published on the site. The processing of questions can take up to seven days. Remember, please, the date of submission of your letter for the convenience of subsequent search. If your question is urgent, please mark it with "URGENT", we will try to answer it as soon as possible.

Date: 28.11.2015 18:03:52

Elena, Naberezhnye Chelny

Is it possible to visit fasting, at least on weekends?

answers priest Evgeny Stupitsky

With the beginning of the Nativity Fast, my son and I decided how we would spend it, with what sin to fight. At the same time, they talked about restrictions, in particular, about visiting parties. I say that you need to limit yourself to this time, but the son is very upset. Is it possible to visit during the post on weekends at least sometimes.

We do not live in a monastery, but in the world, and we have certain obligations to our relatives, friends, work colleagues and others around us. And they may not fast, be non-Christians, or even be atheists. But we, as true Christians, must learn to love our neighbors as ourselves. And this means not to offend them with a refusal to be invited to visit, to a birthday, and to treat yourself to what will be served. But the next day, fasting more strictly, and at the next confession, mention the unintentional violation of the fast. Of course, one should behave at a party more modestly, not cheekily, try not to indulge in unrestrained dances. And if you treat yourself to dishes with meat, do not overeat, eat a little, only in order not to offend the owners with a refusal. And listen to the voice of conscience. She will always tell you where you are honest with God, and where you cheated.

All peoples have proverbs and sayings about hospitality, and these sayings sound something like this: "A guest in the house - joy in the house." But here it is very important to determine which guest and in which house.

You can come to visit without warning only in case of emergency or urgent business. Even the closest people should not appear "like snow on their heads." Of course, our relatives and close friends are happy to see us at any time, but with our unplanned visit we can disrupt their plans, cause inconvenience and put ourselves and the owners in an awkward position. There is another saying about such guests: "An uninvited guest is worse than a Tatar." Therefore, you always need to warn about the visit by calling at least half an hour before your arrival (or better yet, even earlier) and ask if it is convenient for the hosts to receive guests. And if you go to visit on your own initiative, you should definitely bring something for tea.

But in order to come to visit unfamiliar people, just a warning is not enough. You must have a specific invitation, agree on the time of your visit and know exactly the nature of the event, so as not to show up for your birthday without a gift, but for a country walk in a ceremonial suit.

But how to behave if you nevertheless came without an invitation and without warning? First, you need to apologize for the unexpected visit. The second is to ask if the hosts can spare you time. Third - be prepared for the fact that they have other plans for this day and you will have to leave in 10-15 minutes, and without any offense. Even if the owners smile politely and warmly invite you to tea, but you see that you have come inappropriately, you need to leave immediately. You can come up with an excuse and remember an urgent matter, but the best and easiest way is to apologize for your concern and arrange a new meeting at a more convenient time.

If an unscheduled visit falls at lunch or dinner time and the hostess invites you to the table out of politeness, it is best to thank and refuse, referring to the fact that you recently ate. But if the hostess is persistent and puts another appliance on the table, you should not persist. And leaving immediately after eating is indecent - it will look as if you just came to eat, like in a cafe.

In general, you should try not to come during lunch or dinner. They also don't visit too early or too late. If a specific time has not been named, it is worth arriving no earlier than 12 noon and no later than 8 pm.
From time immemorial, the Russian people were distinguished by their hospitality, this was noted by all foreigners. Even according to the strict "Domostroi", hosting, that is, visiting and receiving guests, was considered a respectable occupation. Moreover, it was the only acceptable entertainment for respectable people since the Middle Ages.

But the attitude towards uninvited guests was ambiguous. In many countries in ancient times, the guest was considered a messenger of God, and he was received with joy and respect. But, for example, in England, the idea of ​​intruders is completely different: intruders are very undesirable, especially on Easter and Christmas, because, according to ancient beliefs, they can bring trouble to the house. It is customary to celebrate these holidays in a close home circle.