"Overheard" stories from life. Overheard - invented stories from the web
Here are overheard stories proving that life is sometimes much more interesting than fiction.
The wife told. A young woman came to her reception. It was a difficult case, we talked for an hour and a half. We discussed everything, the patient understood everything. My wife is setting the date for the next appointment. Turns back to the calendar on the wall: “In three weeks. The numbers of the eighth. Conveniently? The patient replies: - Could you repeat to me what you said? I read lips. Deaf. He speaks superbly. Reads lips. For an hour and a half, my wife did not suspect anything, although deaf people often come to see her.
***
My friend loved the singer Bilan very much. I even met my husband at one of his concerts. And so, on some holiday I was among those invited to visit them. Now imagine my face when I heard that their daughter's name is (!!!) DIBILA. In honor of the aforementioned Dima Bilan ... Seriously. I allowed some tactlessness, sincerely believing that I was being played, and asked to see the birth certificate. Fuck ... I'm still confused
***
She was born in the late 80s, when pharmacies did not have such an assortment of different drugs. Then it was customary in the first days of a newborn to bathe in a slightly pink solution of potassium permanganate to disinfect water and skin. But my mom went too far with the dose and after bathing I turned into a negro (potassium permanganate gave a shade to the skin). This trouble happened just a couple of hours before the arrival of my grandmother, who was preparing to see me for the first time. And here it is! In general, for a long time my mother made excuses and explained what was what))
***
We arranged a mini-bachelorette party with my friends, ordering a sea of sushi at home. The next day, I had to throw away the boxes of all this, which had accumulated as many as two bags. Right next to the container, one of the packages burst and all the contents lay in the snow. Then, from behind the forest, from behind the mountains, grandfather Yegor came out. Or rather, a bum Anatoly crawled out from behind the trash can, as he later introduced himself. He stretched out his palm and said: "Madam, let me take it all away, don't bother!" and began to throw everything into the trash. All the knights are here!
***
I say that chess is my favorite game, although I only know how the pieces move. Several classes of music schools, but in many pictures I am at the piano in a large hall. I paint a little, but the edited portraits say I'm just a talent. I read books in abbreviated form, so that there are more pseudo-knowledge in my arsenal, I memorize scientific facts, skillfully weaving them into a conversation. I'm pretending to be a dick and I can't stop! It's very scary to run into someone who digs deeper and realizes that in fact I am a bunch
***
When I was 10 years old, I saw on TV a video of the Disco Crash "Severe Rap". In it, one of the soloists was brushing his teeth with black toothpaste. In our tiny town, of course, there was no such paste, but I just wanted it madly. I went after my older brother and begged to find one. And one day he brought black pasta in a jar! There was no limit to my happiness. And more recently, I remembered this story, and my brother admitted that he simply ground the activated carbon and mixed it with ordinary paste. My beloved bratello)
***
I work as a cashier and we had one interesting granny. The story began with the fact that once this grandmother did not have enough of a few rubles. I added from mine. She was moved, cried, thanked me. But apparently she liked it and she began to go to my shift and buy completely different things that grandmother can afford. And every time at the checkout to make wet eyes and plaintively re-count the pennies again and again. I paid once ... paid two ... And then I got tired. Granny! Have some shame!
***
I decided to buy an apartment in a 3-storey building, built in the 50s. All the acquaintances dissuaded, they say, the house is old, the cladding is horror, and also apartments on a long corridor, like in a hostel, and so on. A year has passed. I'm happy. The spacious, light layout, and the neighbors are heard only if they “shoot from the cannon”. And for the first time in my life I know all the neighbors, and they do not impose themselves on guests, and when they found out that there was not enough money for the salary, they silently brought "gifts" from the dacha. It's like a family that I didn't have. And friends are jealous
***
As a child, a friend had a home theater, every evening they gathered to watch movies. Once we decided to watch a horror movie, we sit, scared, there are speakers everywhere, all the rustles are heard. Then my friend could not stand it rushed to the toilet (private house, toilet on the street) opens the door and there she stands, death with a scythe, everything is as it should be, the hood, the face is not visible. He naturally yells. Turns on the light, it turned out it was a neighbor, it was raining in the hood, only not with a scythe, but with a shovel, which my friend at the gate forgot, and the man brought in: D
***
A work colleague told about his wife, how she caught him in a dream in treason, without waking up, sat on top of her peacefully sleeping husband and began to strangle him. I woke up with a good slap in the face. Laughed at work and forgot. 5 years have passed and a similar story is happening to me. I wake up from the fact that the faithful, sitting astride me, with closed eyes, squeezes her fingers on my throat. I woke her up more correctly, but in the morning she did not remember anything. Probably all women have a gene for murdering a husband in case of adultery.
***
Left home without keys. Mom needed to leave urgently. I come home, there are no keys, no one is at home. I waited at the entrance for 3 hours, when dad opened the door and saw a note on the table "the keys are from a neighbor." What kind of logic is it, to leave a note on the table of a closed apartment about where the keys are?
***
I had a boyfriend. He did not say his last name in any way. Jokingly, she began to call him `` Chainikov. What was my surprise when after a while he showed me his license, passport and business cards with his surname Dummies! Here you guessed, so guessed! And he thought that I punched him by the car number.
***
The son (6 years old) went into the kitchen with a light bulb in his mouth, my husband dropped a large mug of hot coffee on his leg laughing, I jumped up from a loud blow and my husband's shout and hit the shelf above my head. Bottom line: the three of us sat in the emergency room: a husband with suspected broken fingers and a burn, I with a suspicion of a concussion and a son with a light bulb in his mouth. The doctor could barely hold on so as not to laugh
***
It seems to me that every girl has her own superpower. Someone turns out well in the photo, someone eats a lot and does not get fat. And my hair grows very slowly on my legs, it can stay smooth for a month) Not so hot, of course, but better than nothing))
***
My dog is not very playful, she collects her toys, puts them near her and ends there. My husband and I decided to show her how to play. We took the ball and started throwing it at each other, running after it ... In general, we tried. The dog looked, looked ... Then it came up to me at the moment when the ball was in my hand, took it and carried it to all the other toys ...
*** *** ***
As a child, when I was two years old, I was sent to my grandmother for a year, because my mother became pregnant, the pregnancy was difficult, and it was difficult to cope with me. When my brother was born, they began to call me, asking who I want to be brought to me (they asked for the name). I kept saying that I want Misha. When my brother was brought to me, my first question was: "Why is he not yellow?" It turns out that I wanted to bring my mother's old teddy yellow bear! Brother is already 18 years old, Misha)
*** *** ***
At the age of 5, my lips were smashed with a swing. At the age of 9, my dad called me to the beach, I darted for a towel, fell and broke my lower lip on the joint. At the age of 11, on potatoes, I got into the line of "fire" in the boys' war, and the potatoes flew into my upper lip. It was not possible to sew up even once. From childhood I was a "lip slap", terribly complex. At the age of 40 in Turkey, glamorous ladies began to take an interest in me, where I made my lips so successfully. Only my childhood friend, a witness to all these events, laughed more than me))
*** *** ***
When I was a teenager, my friends and I got on the phone on January 1, called randomly selected numbers, said that we were from a company of professional congratulations, congratulated people who were completely unfamiliar to us on the New Year, said warm words, wished different goodies.
To the question: "Who ordered the congratulations?" answered that according to the rules we could not name the customer. It was nice to realize that you are doing someone nice and you are raising your spirits.
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*** *** ***
Mom fought with dad. Standard situation - did not put my things in place. Mom's patience ran out, and she said that if one more time his things were lying around the room, she would throw out all his clothes. The next day, I noticed that my father's socks were lying on the floor, and I, like a very fair child, decided to help my mother. She took all of her father's things and began to throw them out the window.
I did my job and then noticed that I had a bunch of unnecessary things. Yes, yes, I started to throw out my things too. I remember now: my hat infuriated me! I was so glad I was getting rid of her. I decided that the mission was completed, but it didn't work!
Suddenly the doorbell rings. A woman says, "Is this your child throwing things out of the window?" It turns out that she collected everything that I so diligently threw away. Mom still communicates with that kind woman, and together they "pin up" me, although 15 years have passed since that moment.
*** *** ***
Recently I went on a bus during rush hour. The bus began to fill up with people, frozen from a long standing at stops, dissatisfied, and scolding the cancellation of minibuses, roads, traffic jams ... Those who managed to squeeze into the front door demanded a pass to the middle, the “middle” shouted that everything was jammed, people were choking, the bus I was crawling twice as slow as usual, and I already thought that I would listen to the bus squabbles all the way, and my festive mood would spoil hopelessly.
And suddenly some guy said: "People, since we are all gathered here, and it will take us a long time to go, let's play in the cities!" At first, somehow hesitantly, but then, becoming more and more animated, the people began to play! I never rode the bus so much fun. The guy was joking, people were laughing - kind, friendly, closely pressed to each other.
*** *** ***
When my grandfather went to the front in 1941, my grandmother already had four children. Almost immediately I found out that she was pregnant with the fifth. I was scared how to live with such a crowd without a husband, found a grandmother, had an abortion. And it was so hard morally, and the reports from the front were disappointing. In a fit, she promised herself that her husband would return from the front, give birth to six more, if only he returned. I kept my word. The grandfather returned wounded, and the grandmother gave birth to six more children after the war. My mother is the ninth.
*** *** ***
I’m standing in line for sweets, there’s a man in front of me. It's his turn. The saleswoman asks what he wants. He asks for something to her taste. She says to him: Well, take the Medunok candy. He looked at her in surprise, but said to weigh 200 grams, then turns to me and says: Some strange name for the "Mezhdunog" sweets.
I doubled over in a fit of laughter. The saleswoman understood and crawled under the counter. Until the saleswoman and I recovered from the hysteria, the man stood in bewilderment that there were two mentally abnormal people in front of him. But when they explained to him, he also laughed for a long time.
At the age of 16, my brother and his friends are still cool: iPhones, brands, etc. But one day it turned out that their heads were stuffed with more than just this nonsense. Returning from school, they saw how the car hit the cat (which flew away into the bushes). They picked him up and took him to the veterinarian. And they also paid the doctor for the treatment. The cat is all right. And I already looked at my brother with different eyes)
Mom asked for a white kitten for her birthday. Found in the very first ad in a group with "lost" - someone threw out a box in which there were 16 newborn kittens, including a white one. The caring guys took the box home to accommodate everyone over time. The ad was 4.5 hours old. When I called to find out where to pick up the cat, I was told that they were all dismantled in 2 hours! 16 kittens were dismantled in 2 hours! People, thank you for being there, you give me hope!
Once, when I was in grade 4, I took a minibus to practice. I give the money to the driver, and instead of taking it, he asks: "How do you study?" At first I was taken aback, then I replied that she was an excellent student (and this was true). The driver said: "Well then, keep the money." I remembered this driver for a long time.
Every morning a dog sits down in a minibus at my stop and goes straight to the market, where he gets up and runs about his business. All passengers are touched by her. A fluffy ray of goodness in the morning minibus!
I saved up for Mazda 6, saved exactly 1,000,000 rubles, went to visit my friend, she is a member of the Do Good Foundation, and somehow they came with her to a seven-year-old boy Artyom. He did not have enough money for the operation - 800,000 rubles. I have never seen a kinder and happier boy. While chatting with him, I told him that I have a magic lantern that can fulfill one wish, but this desire must be written on the lantern and launched into the sky. He went with his mother and my friend to the city and wrote on the lantern: "I want to walk." When I arrived home, a million rubles and a note were waiting on his table - get well ...
I am saving up for Mazda. I don't regret anything. It seems to me that a small miracle should happen in the life of every person.
When I asked my grandmother which person was the most significant in her life, I hoped that she would say - grandfather or which of the children, but she said that this man was a German soldier who found her alone, six years old in the ruins, did not give out, came sometimes he shared sugar and bread with her. He was ugly, pimply, thin and without eyebrows. She did not understand him and was frightened when he suddenly took her somewhere, but he simply handed her over to the kind people in the village. If it weren't for him, there wouldn't be our family.
Friends, you can congratulate me, today I bought a modem.
But that's not the point. I ordered the modem, I'm waiting for the courier to arrive. Sends the first SMS: “I left. I'll be there within an hour. " Then after 20 minutes: “I came. Please come down. " I meet a woman of about 35, pretty. He smiled at her. I myself know what it means to work on your feet, running all over Moscow.
I asked how she got there, if she found it quickly. Is silent. Okay, I think there are a lot of cars on the street. We go inside the building, I notice that, in response to another question, she is trying to squeeze something out. Understood - deaf and dumb. Filled out all the papers on the SIM card that comes with the kit. I wrote down the passport data, checked the completeness of the device. All OK. I handed over the money, said thank you.
So, dear company, thank you very much for helping and giving jobs to people with disabilities! You are doing a very good and kind deed! After all, they are no different from us and should not be infringed on their rights. Thank you from your user!
About love
Every evening my husband and I read to each other aloud, taking turns, instead of staring at phones and laptops, TV shows or movies. Inexpressible feelings! And every evening I fall in love with him more and more.
Today I am going in a minibus. Another boring day. As usual, out of a stupid habit, I move my lips while repeating the words behind the singer in my headphones. And then I see: just a guy of extraordinary beauty is sitting! I look at him, I can't take my eyes off and intuitively sing along silently “I think, I love you baby”, and he apparently noticed me and, also silently, as if responding with a slight smile “I think, I love you too”. Smile from ear to ear for the whole day.
About family
It was in St. Petersburg. I was crossing the road and overheard the dialogue between mother and little child. The child did not want to take his mother by the hand. And then she told him to move her across the road so that nothing happened to her. This was a very useful observation of mine, because I myself will soon become a mother.
I am one meter fifty, my husband is meter fifty-seven. And my father is about eighty meters tall and wears a long beard. When he comes to visit, he always greets: "Well, hello, hobbits!", And the husband replies: "Great, Gandalf."
Yesterday my son and I chatted for about two hours. And this is not from the series "son, we need to talk about your behavior." We talked about everything. About work, about a recipe for apple pie, about cats ... About politics ... About prices, salaries and loans ... About types of tea ... About books read and their authors ... About fishing and again about cats ... About his girlfriend and my man, about friends, acquaintances and relatives, about Kamchatka and childhood, about cars and their repair. Together we made sandwiches and a salad, and ate them with gusto, washed down with tea. And it was great! And all because there was a huge pile of apples in the kitchen, and they had to be washed, peeled and cut into jam.
About childhood
In my childhood, my dad worked constantly, so I was always very glad to see him. As soon as I saw, I climbed on the first thing that came across on my way to him: a chair, a sofa, shouting "Daddy, catch it!" without a single superfluous thought jumped at him. Little did I wonder whether he was standing with his back or face to me, whether he saw where I was, whether he had time to catch me at all. It was unconditional trust, and he never undermined it - he always caught it.
Standing on the back porch of the house. Children 10-12 years old are running in the yard.
A very chubby kid is driving around the corner and heading somewhere into the back of the yard. Nearby, some two girls start poking their fingers at him and laughing. The boy turns around and in a voice with a hoarseness, intonation, like Don Corleone, actively gesticulating, says:
- Yana, Yana, dear, is there something you want to tell me? Do you want to convey something to me, dear? So come and tell me this to my face, Yana! And if you continue to scream behind my back, then I will come up and kick your skinny ass!
I can't stand it and start laughing. The guy turns to me, takes off his cap and tilts his head a little, says:
- Good evening, mademoiselle.
Now this is my favorite kid in the yard!
About failures
In general, I am well versed in technology, but once I was ashamed ... I did not print a printer, I called an IT programmer, he came, plugged the plug into the outlet and, in my guilty smile, uttered that, apparently, the day is like this: he just went to a call "The printer prints crookedly" - I came to them, put the piece of paper evenly!
Some wives scold their husbands for inattention, for forgetting about wedding anniversaries. We have an idyll on this score in our family. We had our wedding anniversary a week ago. And we both happily forgot about her ...
Hardly anyone can argue with the statement that life is much more interesting than any fiction.
Strange and wonderful things happen to each of us every day, and sometimes it is simply impossible to keep silent about it. Therefore, there is even a special project that helps people share their revelations anonymously.
There are different stories: joyful and sad, evil and kind. We are inspired by stories about what made their authors' lives happier and more fun. It is these revelations that are collected in this article.
About good
I'm waiting for my wife on a bench at the entrance. A ginger cat comes up and meows. I talked to him, and he flippers and meows, he also tells me something of his own, it is clear that he is home, he is lost, he is not afraid of people. I met him at the house and the next day - again meows something to me. On the third day I saw him all dirty - as before, he came up to me and already meowed sadly, as if crying. Never in my life have I had animals before, and now lives the smartest and most sociable cat in the whole world.
I live in a city with two railway stations. The railway line from one station to another runs through the city, along the road to the airport. So, if gaytsy sit in an "ambush" with a radar on the road, then the driver "blinks" the headlights of a diesel locomotive to oncoming cars. Our people cannot be defeated! Those who have poor eyesight - we arm ourselves with glasses so as not to miss the signal.
My wife is a teacher at the institute, strict, gives two marks without compromise. Sometimes he brings the test sheets home. So, when my "bitch" falls asleep, I change some deuces to threes, because I myself was a loser. While canal. Have fun kids, you have your own incognito genie!
Once, when I was in first grade, I ran down the school hallway and fell. The floors were wooden, all knees and palms were in numerous splinters. Suddenly, tenth-graders came to the rescue, who skipped the lesson, picking splinters from my knees, calming me down, crying bitterly. Many years have passed since then, and I remember these supermen! If they're reading this: thank you guys so much for your kindness.
I fell asleep in the subway after work. I wake up, I understand that I put my hands under my head and put my hands on the man's knees. I felt ashamed, did not know how to get up and dump unnoticed. Apparently, the man saw that I woke up and said with a smile: "Yes, you are asleep, asleep, I drove my stop about 10 minutes ago."
About failures
Photographer. After the registry office, the newlyweds are given pigeons to release them into the sky. I make a standard shot, when the pigeons are in their hands, and I say: "Kiss!" In 99% of cases, grooms kiss a pigeon, not a bride.
I came to a new job, gazed at the guy for a week, the next week he came up and asked what he had done to me and why I was looking at him so viciously.
Three years celebrated the anniversary of the registration of marriage on October 17, until they looked at the certificate, in which the date is November 17 ...
I'm at work, my husband is at home. To my question: "What are you doing?" - answered: "I'm doing your job!" I was delighted: I thought that she was cooking dinner and washes the floors. I come, and he is eating candy.
As a child, when I visited my grandmother at home, I imagined that the socket in the bedroom was a microphone, and sang various songs into it. I stopped doing this when the neighbors said through the same outlet: "Girl, we can hear everything."
About life
Today such a sun, I recall March 8, 2009, is also very sunny and warm, this is a rarity. We were driving through the city in a tram, and then the woman driver sang into the microphone, then the conductor read a verse, and all passengers were allowed to send congratulations, read poetry, and sing. And I just lost the power of speech and cried from an excess of emotions. This is Peter.
At the exit of the subway, my grandmother and a five-year-old boy were climbing the stairs in front of me. Coming out into the spring Moscow sun, the baby stopped and breathed: “A strange melancholic state ...” “Don't drive yourself into this emotional trap,” replied the grandmother, and they headed towards the entrance to Pushkinsky. Cultural Moscow.
I live in Germany. who can pronounce "kraftzeughaftflichtferzicherung" without pausing to take a breath call the frying pan "kawaraska" because, damn it, the Russian language is very difficult!
About love
After my business went bankrupt, I worked as a taxi driver for two months, did not say anything to my wife. Today I found out that she knew everything and secretly worked as an English tutor. I love her.
When I went to school, my mother always woke me up in the morning, now I study in another city several thousand kilometers away, I go to school by half past eight, and my mother goes to work by ten, but every morning she calls me at seven in the morning and wishes well in the morning. Take care of your mothers - they are the most valuable thing you have.
She spent most of her childhood often visiting my mother at work in the children's oncological rehabilitation center.
So one 17-year-old girl with her boyfriend left an indelible impression for her whole life. She had osteosarcoma, had several chemotherapy sessions, cut off her left leg above the knee. Once a guy came to visit her, that girl told him, they say, let's disperse, I don't want to ruin your life. The guy told her a firm "no" and said that she was the best for him.
Not so long ago I met them by chance. She is in trousers, with a prosthesis, of course, walking, holding a hand, with them two children. We talked, the eldest son (he is 6) got into the conversation, proudly declaring that his mother is the best, because she is the Terminator.
