How does a big age difference affect a relationship? Does the age difference matter? We have an age difference

What a beautiful daughter you have!

- This is not a daughter, this is a wife!

Surely many have witnessed such situations, when the other half of some young beauty is suitable for her father. Or vice versa - a young, slender guy accompanies a lady who is clearly ten or even fifteen years older than him.

Why do we sometimes choose a person who is much older than us as our life partner? Is there any prospect of such a relationship?

Let's not take pop stars as examples, they have their own bohemian life according to their rules. And what is normal in the celebrity world is sometimes unacceptable for ordinary people. Therefore, let's take a better look at examples from life, so to speak, mere mortals.

A friend of my good friend Irina for a long time could not meet the man of her dreams. She was thrown from side to side, from one romantic encounter to another.

The girl just lost herself. Until she got a new job and met her boss there - an imposing man, 16 years older than her. Ira was 30, Nikolai - 46. Tall, athletic, active. Let not often, but sometimes they went out into nature, played bowling, billiards, traveled abroad.

Ira was seduced by that masculinity and guardianship, which she could not find among peers or guys a little younger than her.
“He’s like a dad,” the girl said. - It's just as safe and secure with him. He already knows so much, he has seen so much in his life - nothing is scary with him and I know that my man will solve any of my problems.

But the years fly by and, unfortunately, the man does not become stronger and stronger. Some sores appear, the body gets tired faster. This became especially noticeable when Ira was already 36, and Nikolai was 52.

Then already a married couple went with friends to rest for the New Year in Austria. Their friends Katya and Maxim, Ira's peers, had a lot of fun, to say the least: they sang karaoke, skied from morning until late at night, danced in clubs. Nikolai, on the other hand, could no longer go into all serious trouble and dance on the dancefloor until nightfall. Yes, and long walks caused shortness of breath in an hour. Ira had to adapt to her husband and return to the room with him early, while their friends continued to have fun.

No, the girl did not grumble or complain. She became a caring chicken for her husband, who will clean her feathers and bring a glass of water and will not forget to remind her about the pills.

As a rule, men much older than themselves are chosen by girls who were very attached to their father. They really need the care and feeling of a little girl. Such women are used to the fact that a man will solve their problems, that as soon as he complains, buried in his chest, he will stroke his head and rush to “fight” with the offender.

It’s just worth considering that while we say you are 25, and he is 40, your couple can lead a completely active lifestyle. But when you are 40, he will already be 55. Agree, not all men at this age are ready to ride through the mountains and forests. The body requires a certain regimen and calmness. Yes, and intimate moments should not be written off.

So, if you're a hyper-active woman-girl with no idea what it's like to spend the weekend at home hugging in front of the TV, a much older man can become a burden over time.

Look two or three steps ahead. A man is not a generator on eternal batteries.

Weigh all the pros and cons - do you agree after a while to take the baton and take care of the man in the same way as he did about you in the first years of marriage. Will it not be a burden for you to take care of him, monitor his health and not be selfish, dragging him to another party when a man just wants to be alone in silence.

After a year, it is very important to maintain a relationship with a loved one. Rashid Kirranov wrote about this in his article “How to maintain a relationship with a loved one”, I recommend reading it.

A completely different case happened to my friend Yulia. Until the age of 34, she was also looking for her "prince", and the girl did not have excessive demands at all. She was simply unlucky with men, she did not come across someone who would appreciate her sincerity, care, desire to create a family hearth. Yes, and in the small town where Yulia lived, everyone got married a long time ago, and new gentlemen came only in the summer on vacation, but holiday romances ended as quickly as they began.

The girl's mood deteriorated from year to year, she was already desperate to meet her own person. Until her friend introduced her to a guy who got a job with her husband as a mechanic in a garage.

- The guy is great! - Yulina was praised by a friend of the "groom". - His hands are golden, hard-working, decent! What you need!

- Great! Julia rejoiced. - How old is he?

— Uh…23…

- How? You are crazy! Yulia was offended. He is eleven years younger than me! Should I play toys with him or build a family? At this age, young guys have not yet walked up, and why should I tell him ... at 34 years old.

- And you meet him. No one owes anything to anyone on a first date. In any case, just have a good evening, you need to unwind a long time ago, otherwise you are sitting at home like a recluse!

And the guys met ... Slava did not look at all like a 23-year-old youth, and no one will give Yulia her age. In general, the couple looked very harmonious, like peers. At 23, the guy already had a light gray hair on his temples. And Julia next to him looked just a girl. And most importantly, they found a common language. Slava also took his family seriously, like Yulia.

Young people began to meet, introduced each other to their parents. And they got married last year. They recently had a daughter. When they walk with the stroller, you will not meet happier faces!

“You know, I somehow even looked younger,” Yulia shared with me. - I want to be even more consistent with my young husband. I take care of myself, do exercises, face masks. This is a huge incentive for a woman to be young and beautiful when a man younger than you is nearby.

When there is no visual difference in age between a man and a woman, the couple has every chance to carry love and passion to the end. Another thing is when the age of a lady is striking. And if at first the guy was attracted by life experience, maternal care and self-sufficiency, then over time this can also push him away. Whatever you say, men love with their eyes and the way a woman looks is very important. Therefore, do not flatter yourself that if a man younger than you has chosen you and swears eternal love, then such an idyll will last forever.

It's a lot of work on yourself to look appropriate. Sooner or later, a man will get tired of the role of a “son” and he will want to be a protector and a courageous shoulder for a gentle, weak woman.

It is impossible to say unequivocally whether stable and lasting relationships with a large age difference are possible. There are many examples when he is older or much younger than his chosen one and the couple lives in perfect harmony. And there are just as many examples when, after 5-6 years, a couple crumbles like a house of cards, because the appearance, temperament and activity of the partner does not correspond to what it was before.

To avoid disappointment, turn on a sober head and calmly think, evaluate your strengths. Time is ruthless, it does not make anyone more beautiful, stronger, more resilient. On the contrary, a person becomes more vulnerable. And the way of life that you lead now, you will have to change for the sake of the person who is next to you. Ready? Then another conversation.

In any case, love motivates, inspires, makes more beautiful - if you yourself, of course, want it.

Listen to your heart, intuition, do not be afraid of unnecessary conversations behind your back and opinions. No one knows better than you whether you will be happy with this person or not. It's up to you to decide. But don't forget to use common sense. Emotions are emotions, and do not turn off your head when making an important decision - whether to connect your life with a person who is much older or younger than you.

Mila Alexandrova

Since ancient times, the format of communication between men and women has been reduced to established rules and canons. The girls patiently waited for the suitors who came to woo their parents, seeking the hand and heart of the chosen one. If the future spouse did not receive the approval of relatives, then the wedding became an illusion, which the beloved could only dream of. After the abolition of the slave system, when wealthy elderly people forcibly brought young beauties to the altar, marriages were concluded mainly between the same age. It is generally accepted that young spouses have more common interests and hobbies.

However, in the 21st century, new formats of relations are rapidly developing, which it was embarrassing to even think about before. Today, there are a number of states in the political arena where same-sex marriages are allowed and encouraged. The phenomenon is inexplicable for most people, but tolerance and democracy, flourishing in developed countries, lead to the inevitable acceptance of such a model of a love union. Civil registry office workers record many marriages between men and women with a large. In modern society, such relationships are considered the norm, so there is nothing to be surprised in the current situation.

However, even close relatives of the spouses often doubt the sincerity of such unions. It is not surprising, because few represent the points of contact and the nature of mutual understanding between a twenty-year-old girl and a forty-year-old man. How durable are marriages of different ages? Are the feelings between the spouses sincere? What can lovers regret? What should be feared? What are the likely scenarios for the development of relations? Is a child born in such a marriage doomed? Inquisitive people have accumulated a lot of questions, which means that the moment has come to “get to the bottom” of the truth.

Features of love unions between spouses of different ages

In order not to doubt in vain the professional suitability of a cupid who missed in the process of the next shot, you need to figure out the expediency of such marriages. Initially, it is necessary to consider the union from various angles, making sure that there is a possibility of a love relationship between spouses with a large age difference:

Psychology.

Many girls from the age of 20 are looking for a potential groom who will become a loving father and a faithful husband. Among peers, it is difficult to find a guy corresponding to such characteristics, because young men at this age are guided by completely different priorities. In this situation, the gaze of a young woman "falls" on an imposing, accomplished and wise man, on whose temples the first gray hair has already appeared. Falling in love with a similar type is an expected and explainable phenomenon, which the representatives of the stronger sex know firsthand. Protection and reliability, calmness and confidence in the future are the main prospects that attract the young mind of a girl.

Young guys who feel sympathy for older women are guided by other factors. A lady of "Balzac" years becomes for a young man a happy "ticket" to the world of sexual pleasures, where there are no prohibitions. Twenty-year-old girls are just beginning to learn the facets of intimate life, therefore they are afraid of innovations, and mature women who have had enough of ordinary sex with their husbands dream of the unbridled "agility" of youths.

In a relationship where the man is much older than the girl, there is no aging problem. A young wife satisfies her husband's visual preferences, so he does not go on adventures into the arms of young ladies. The main thing is that the girl is aware of the likelihood of impending old age, during which it will be difficult.

Love unions in which a woman is older than a guy are short-lived. A girl, whose husband is much younger, visits cosmetologists and even lies under a surgical “knife”, trying to match the image of her husband. However, over time, the lady invariably loses attractiveness, so the man realizes sexual needs in a relationship with his mistress.

intimate relationships.

It is inexplicable, but true - the peaks of sexual activity of men and women occur at different times. Girls reach their peak at 44–50, and boys at 25–35. Thus, a love union in which the representative of the beautiful half of humanity is 10 years older than her spouse is a successful marriage, where the sexual compatibility of partners is fully consistent with their development and capabilities. In the intimate life of peers, things are much worse, so the result of such marriages is often a divorce.

Women who want to marry well in the 21st century can be classified into a separate category. They are ready to endure the antics of their spouse, forgetting about moral and ethical principles. The only goal of the girl is the inheritance, which she is happily waiting for. Men often know about the intentions of the chosen one, but they are satisfied with this state of “things. With them in old age, there is a sexy and attractive woman next to them.

There are much fewer gigolo guys, but in modern society such suitors also exist. They take advantage of the loneliness and dissatisfaction of women of the “Balzac” age, making ladies fall in love with their own image. However, the goal of men is the bank card of the chosen one, and not the personal qualities and life experience that she is ready to share.

In this aspect, the advantages of a marriage of different ages over a union of the same age are obvious. Guys "ripen" for the birth of a child much later than girls, so the young darling and the mature man are responsible and loving parents raising the long-awaited baby. If a woman is older than her husband, then the lack of paternal care is compensated by the experience of the mother. Weddings between peers often happen due to unforeseen pregnancy, so there is no need to talk about the duration of the existence of such a unit of society.

The effect of age difference on love relationships

The reasons for creating such unions directly depend on the age difference between the spouses. If sexologists and psychologists readily explain the range of 1-10 years, guided by their own observations, then the interval of 30-40 years remains a mystery even for professionals. In order not to be unfounded, the features of marriages between partners of different ages:

Age difference up to 5 years.

Such relationships in the camp of psychologists are considered the best option for creating a long-term marriage if the man is 1–5 years older than the girl. A woman seeks on a subconscious level in her spouse the support and support that he is able to provide to her. The guy, in turn, understands that the chosen one is younger than him, which means that he does not lack sexual attraction to his wife. Due to a small age difference, lovers are fond of common interests, so there is no need to talk about the problem of mutual understanding.

The man is 5-10 years older than the woman.

A common situation in which girls become the initiators of the start of a relationship. Support, protection and confidence in the future are factors that arouse in a woman sympathy for the chosen one. Men like such unions no less, because next to them is a young, spectacular and sexy wife.

The girl is 5-10 years older than the guy.

Such relationships begin after "accidental" sex, which both participants are satisfied with. A woman who does not want to play a recessive role in marriage is attracted by the opportunity to control a man. A guy in need of maternal love and affection is attracted by such a format of union, where the lady takes care and cares for him. However, such marriages break up quite often, because over time the spouse goes “to the left”.

The man is older than the woman by 10 years or more.

Such unions are a reason for people to doubt the sincerity of the feelings of the spouses, because the age difference is palpable. Based on statistics, men live less than girls. "Onlookers" suggest that the only goal of a woman is an inheritance. The results of the survey show that only 2.5% of such marriages are not concluded by calculation, 97.5% - the desire of the spouse to be included in the list of "chosen" people present in the will.

The girl is older than the guy by 10 years or more.

This format of relations is inherent only in marriages of convenience. Wealthy women consciously marry guys who are 10, 20, 30 years younger than them. Men are guided solely by the financial side of the issue, which allows them not to work and secure their own future. For guys, the visual appearance of the spouse is extremely important, so there is no need to talk about the sincerity of the union. Such a union is doomed to divorce - the only question is the duration of the relationship.

Scenarios of love relationships between spouses of different ages

Having become acquainted with the reasons and peculiarities of thinking of people who enter into a marriage of different ages, it is necessary to consider scenarios for the development of such relationships. The duration of the union directly depends on the personal qualities and preferences of the spouses. Psychologists traditionally consider 5 options for the development of the situation in such unions:

Partners.

Signs: equal rights and obligations are established between spouses; men and women have the opportunity to realize their own needs; the wife does not strive to keep the house comfortable, and the husband does not care about the prospect of family happiness.

Difficulties: such relationships over time are based solely on a material basis; in partnerships, decisions are made jointly, so quite often disagreements arise between spouses.

Homebodies.

Signs: the union is invariably based on love, sympathy and sexual attraction of spouses to each other; lack of dependence on social benefits; apathy to contacts from outside; the purpose of marriage is to create a cozy "nest" in which both partners will be comfortable.

Difficulties: there is a risk of degradation of love relationships to the household level; lack of regular communication with strangers is the main reason for divorce in such marriages; the only way to maintain harmony in the family is to engage in a common cause, hobby, business.

Matriarchy.

Signs: a woman is a dominant partner who makes decisions in the family; the girl is distinguished by purposefulness and increased activity, and the man is passive and restrained; The wife's salary is more than the husband's income.

Difficulties: reproaches and criticism of a woman towards a man about lack of initiative - the reason for the search for a spouse by a mistress who will see him as an accomplished "male"; the result of excessive control of the wife becomes the chosen one.

Patriarchy.

Signs: the purpose of a woman is to monitor the family hearth and raise children; a man is the head of the house, making decisions that are not negotiable.

Difficulties: the spouse treats his wife in a consumer way, does not appreciate domestic work; a high probability of a man having a mistress (exclusively for sexual pleasures).

Idealization.

Signs: the girl inspires her husband to achieve his cherished goals; social success is not interesting for a man; the purpose of the spouse is to satisfy the needs of the chosen one.

Difficulties: a woman who is praised becomes capricious over time and shows true character; if a girl ceases to inspire a man, then he goes in search of a new wife; the girl regularly maintains her appearance in order to eliminate the risk of the guy having a mistress.

Intimate talk with a future spouse is not a way out of the situation. To understand the expediency of an act, you need to honestly answer yourself a number of questions: How strong are the feelings? Are you ready to spend your old age alone? Is an inheritance worth living together with an unloved person?

Marriages between men and women with a noticeable age difference can be happy and unsuccessful - the result reflects the sincerity of the feelings of the spouses. History "knows" cases where girls fell in love with gentlemen who are 40 years older than them. “Branding” such a relationship is an inappropriate decision, because marriage becomes a conscious choice of two adults.

Love can arise between people regardless of the date of birth in the passport, position in society, appearance, nationality or religion. There is a lot of debate about who in the family should be older and how much, and the question often arises: what is the ideal age difference between a man and a woman.

Perfect age difference

People have been trying for decades to determine the ideal age difference between a man and a woman. The most common opinion is that a man should be 5-6 years older than his chosen one, but many are convinced that spouses should be the same age.

However, there is an opinion that the age difference does not affect the relationship between a man and a woman at all. In support of the theory, long-term successful marriages between people from different generations are given.

At each age, a person forms a certain view of the family and relationships, some opportunities disappear and others appear in their place, therefore, depending on the date of birth, relations between partners will be built differently.

Spouses are peers

Unions among peers are not uncommon. Often marriages are between classmates (classmates), childhood friends. People of the same age have a similar past, interests, life positions, grow up at the same time.

In such marriages, partners strive to live for themselves as long as possible:

• get an education;
• build a career
• travel;
• not in a hurry to have children.

Worth knowing! Despite the commonality of interests and complete mutual understanding, according to statistics, more than half of marriages between peers are destroyed after 2-3 years.

The disadvantages of the union between peers include:

• rapid cooling of feelings;
• the need to take a leadership position to one of the partners (often a woman);
• the need to compromise, be patient and support each other.

Important! Emotional maturation in a man comes much later than in a woman, and therefore it is the lady who has to take on the main roles in the family, despite the fact that ambitious men are not always satisfied with this.

A marriage between peers may well be successful, but this will require considerable effort, because passionate love and sexual desire will gradually cool down.

A spark in a relationship can be supported:

• pleasant surprises;
• common interests and leisure;
• common hobbies.

The man is older than the woman

A relationship model in which a man is slightly older than a woman is considered the standard of a harmonious family. A more mature man approaches building relationships responsibly, strives to create a family and take care of his chosen one.

Marriages in which the spouse is much older will not surprise anyone. Depending on the difference in ages, relationships will be built and developed in their own way.

For 5-7 years

Men have always liked young and attractive girls. At the same time, the desire to create a family and have children among the stronger sex arises a little later than among girls.

There is a good reason for this trend. It is believed that in order to start a family, a man must be wealthy enough to support not only himself, but also his wife and offspring.

A conscious decision to marry is formed in men, in most cases, by the age of 30, and as a partner they are looking for girls a little younger than themselves.

Marriages with an age difference of 5-7 years have many advantages:

• community of interests;
• material independence;
• coincidence of sexual activity;
• the opportunity for a man to take a leadership position in the family;
• a sense of security in a woman;
• the minimum risk of adultery on the part of a man due to the youth of his wife.

Worth knowing! According to sociological studies, couples with an age gap of 5-7 years have the most children and the lowest divorce rate.

For 10-12 years

The age gap between spouses in the region of 10 years is also considered quite normal in society.

A more mature man, by the time he enters into a serious relationship, already manages to build a career, get a lot of life experience. In such a relationship, a woman receives many advantages:

• the husband is the legitimate leader, protector and provider;
• the wisdom and knowledge of a man allow you to effectively resolve domestic issues and conflicts;
• sexual experience ensures complete satisfaction with intimate life;
• a man is ready for the appearance of children.

For a middle-aged man, the decision to get married is a conscious decision, not an emotional one. He is ready to take care of both his wife and children, and most importantly, he is able to provide for them. Older men attract young girls with their ability to deal with ladies, beautiful courtship, and seriousness of intentions.

Over 15 years

If several centuries ago marriages between young girls and men in old age were considered the norm, now they cause rejection and heated negative discussions in society.

In the old days, families in which the husband is much older than the wife were considered stable and prosperous. Now, almost everyone is sure that such unions are concluded solely by calculation, in order to obtain material benefits for the girl.

Despite the fact that relationships between partners with a large age gap may well be based on mutual sympathy, love and common interests, they have both advantages and disadvantages.

The advantages of marriage in which a man is 15-20 years older than a girl are:

• experience and education of a man;
• material security of the family;
• the desire of the spouse to lead an active and healthy lifestyle in order to match the young wife.

Disadvantages of age-unequal marriage:

• problems in sexual life;
• low chance of having children;
• difference in life goals, views, interests.

At the same time, despite the large number of obstacles, there are many examples where partners are happy and satisfied with life.

Important! In the case of a large age difference, it is important that the decision to marry be conscious on both sides and both spouses understand what they will receive and what they will have to give up in this union.

The woman is older than the man

It is quite difficult for women to decide on a relationship in which the partner will be younger. The main reason is the rejection of such families in society, but such couples have other problems.

To create a happy family, a mature lady will have to accept the primacy of her husband, otherwise, she will behave in a pair like a caring mother, and sooner or later the family will fall apart. In addition, in such relationships there is always a risk of infidelity on the part of a man with a younger girl.

For 3-5 years

Unions in which a woman is several years older than a man are quite successful, especially if they are concluded in adulthood (over 30 years old).

The advantages of such a marriage are:

• the girl's desire to look young and attractive in order to match her partner;
• experience and wisdom that allow you to effectively resolve everyday issues and get out of conflict situations without harming relationships;
• the peak of sexual activity in a woman, allowing to satisfy the needs of a young partner.

At the same time, a woman is not always able to adequately treat her young partner, accept some of his shortcomings, and recognize a man younger than herself as the head of the family.

The disadvantages of a relationship in which a woman is 3 or more years older are:

• strong jealousy and suspicion towards the young spouse;
• the desire to decide everything on her own and to be a leader in the family;
• high risk of adultery on the part of a man.

Nevertheless, there are many examples of successful marriages with such a difference in age, especially when they are concluded between adults and financially secure partners with common interests.

For 6-10 years

Marriages in which the woman is more than 5 years older than the man are extremely rare. This fact is due to the fact that a man will always prefer a young girl to a mature one, because she will emphasize his masculinity and success.

Nevertheless, such alliances do exist, and are often quite successful. In order for the relationship between partners to be happy, they will have to come to terms with the condemnation of others.

The disadvantages of unions in which a woman is older than a man are:

• aging partner;
• significant difference in interests;
• dominance of a mature woman over a young man;
• constant suspicions of infidelity towards a partner.

Worth knowing! If there are deep feelings for each other, common goals, hobbies and interests, a man and an older woman can get a completely harmonious union based on respect and maturity of partners.

Over 15 years

The desire of an adult woman to become the wife of a young and attractive man is quite understandable, because she wants to feel young, attractive and loved.

Middle-aged ladies are quite able to interest a partner with their experience, knowledge, grooming and excellent appearance. However, often such unions are concluded from the mercantile interest of a young man in a successful and financially secure lady. Stories about such relationships are often found in the yellow press and are associated with famous personalities.

Marriages between a mature woman and a young man have many disadvantages:

• jealousy and total control over a man by a woman;
• public condemnation;
• difference in interests and hobbies;
• financial overtones in relationships;
• difference in the level of sexual activity.

Formula for calculation

Despite the fact that love and feelings are far from science, there is a formula by which it is possible to calculate the ideal age difference between a man and a woman in order to build a happy and harmonious relationship.

Of course, couples are completely different, and age is not the main factor in creating a family. Nevertheless, with a certain age ratio, partners will be able to avoid gossip from relatives and the public and fully realize themselves as a couple.

The formula for the ideal age difference between partners is as follows:

F \u003d M / 2 + 7

where w is the age of the woman and m is the age of the man. Thus, a 40-year-old representative of the stronger sex is ideal for a girl aged 27 years and older (40/2 + 7 = 27). If the partner is younger, the difference will seem too big.

Nowadays, a lot of couples, including unions between stars, do not fall under this formula, but nevertheless have strong marriages and happy relationships. It all depends on the readiness of partners to interact with each other, find common interests, and make compromises.

scientific opinion

Despite the existence of a formula for calculating the ideal age difference between a man and a woman, as well as statistics on divorce proceedings, disputes between scientists on this topic do not subside.

Experts from different countries determine the optimal age ratio between spouses in their own way:

1. Scientists from the United States argue that the ideal age difference between spouses is one year. With this ratio, the risk of divorce is only 3% according to statistical studies. The probability of divorce for partners with a gap between dates of birth of five years is 18%, and at 10 years - 39%. Unions in which spouses have more than 20 years of difference will break up in 95% of cases.
2. Finnish scientists, based on long-term studies, have established that a wife should be younger than a man by as much as 15 years. In this way, a couple can have a sufficient number of healthy and strong children.
3. Swedish researchers believe that in marriage a woman should be 6 years younger than a man, and with such a difference, the likelihood of a break in relations is minimal.
4. Russian experts say that it is best to create a family with a peer. According to statistics, such marriages are about 27%, and the number of divorces among them is small.

Age difference has never been uncommon in a relationship. Previously, this happened often, when girls were married off to older men because of their material wealth and ability to support a family. Now the popularity of such an "unequal" union is influenced by freedom of choice and many other factors. It is not uncommon that a woman, on the contrary, is older than a man. Let's consider in the article why this happens, why people choose those who are younger / older than them or who are the same age, the pros and cons of such unions, and the most important question - does the age difference matter?

peers

This type of relationship is considered the most common. It is easiest to meet peers: at school or any other educational institution, often at work, among acquaintances and friends. Such unions have significant advantages:

But there are also disadvantages. In such unions, due to immaturity, a man and a woman can get bored with each other and disperse, not seeing a way out. At the same time, an older person who has already gone through a lot, including crises in relationships, can direct his soul mate in the right direction, understand how to act in a given situation, and cement relationships. Another minus is peers treat their love as an equal. This, of course, in most cases, is the advantage of this type of union, however, when equality is felt, then in the case of quarrels, often everyone believes that his point of view is the most correct. Whether such people will find a compromise or not - it already depends on what kind of characters they have.

If the man is older

Such relationships are also not uncommon. Society perceives this very favorably if the age difference between a man and a woman is no more than 10-15 years. Such marriages can be very strong. Young girls are still inexperienced and free (unmarried), and men 10 years older already have life experience behind them, a stable job and independence from parents and friends, and they are also ready to start a family. For the female half of humanity, choosing an older partner has advantages. For example, you can start a family with them and not think that you need to "wait a little more" in order to save up money for this together, since the stronger sex is already able to support a family. Also, with such partners, many of the girls allow themselves to be "weaker", more inexperienced, since there is always someone who will support.

But men see the advantages of relationships with younger ladies, because they seem to them not yet bothered by life, they have a sparkle in their eyes and, of course, youth and beauty. Even with a small age difference, the gentlemen of such women are perceived as someone who is younger, and therefore healthier. Of course, this does not mean that peers are worse, rather the opposite. However, with younger girls, to be frank, it is easier, even if there is no work, property, and other things behind them, because they still perceive older men as more experienced.

Advantages of such marriages:

• Convenience in terms of age, because the girls want to start a family early and are ready, and their peers at this time still do not think about it, and those who are older have already managed to "work up" and are eager to settle down.
• Sometimes it’s easier to come to compromises, because partners often give in and accept the point of view of their soul mate.
• Another plus arising from the previous paragraph is that many men think that it is easier to “blind” a girl younger than them to fit themselves.

• However, in cases where the half is much older than the woman (more than 20 years), then there is almost a clash of two different generations. It is already more difficult to understand each other, there may be different interests.
• A man may not take a girl's opinion seriously.
• Sometimes there is not love, but commercialism. It's worth considering.
• If intimate components of relationships are important to you, then, unfortunately, the peak of female sexual activity falls on 30 years, but male power begins to fade after a certain age.
• It should be borne in mind that a man may want to arouse the envy of friends by boasting about his young wife. The age difference in this case is his choice to be wealthy in the eyes of society. But such cases are rare.

The age difference when the guy is younger is also not uncommon these days. Older women seem more experienced, they already know what they want from life and from relationships, they are often more interesting due to their broader outlook, they already have a job and ground under their feet. They are also very well versed in the male half of humanity and understand them.

Everyone, even a man who has achieved a lot, sometimes wants to be infantile in a relationship, and such unions are very favorable for this. The plus is that the intimate side of the relationship in such cases is very bright: the lady is experienced and already more sexually liberated. There are, of course, disadvantages as well. If the age difference is large, then society can begin to put pressure on them, but this rarely happens. Often, such pressure is not a signal that you need to end the relationship, but that you need to change your circle of friends, because if the relationship is good and everything suits you, then you should not be led by the opinions of your friends.

Perfect age difference

There has been a lot of research on relationships. Many psychologists say: the ideal age difference between partners is when a man is 3-7 years older than a woman. It is believed that girls mature morally earlier than men, especially in terms of desire and readiness to start a family. And men settle down a little later, and also gain independence and stability in work, and this is also enough to start a serious relationship.

Why do people enter into relationships with those who are 20-30 or more years older/younger than them? Nobody can answer for sure. Probably, these are the cases when all ages are submissive to love. But such couples should follow some recommendations in order to maintain a relationship:

Factors affecting the choice

Many psychologists identify causes that are unequal to them. First, for many, the family may unconsciously be the prototype of an ideal relationship. If the parents had a marriage in which there was a large age difference, then it is likely that the children will unconsciously want to realize just such a model. Secondly, relationships in a person’s family and his childhood also influence. For example, if a daughter grew up without a father, or he was, but did not give her due attention, then she will probably want a father-daughter relationship to make up for it with an older man.

Vivid examples

Among stellar or just famous couples, there is often a difference in age.

Instead of a conclusion

So does the age difference really matter? Perhaps not, if both people love each other and are happy together. And there can always be pluses and minuses, regardless of how much the partner is younger or older. Couples with age difference can be very happy. It is more likely that the character of people influences than the numbers in the passport.

It is believed that a man should be older than his companion, but it is rather difficult to determine the optimal age difference. If a pair of Perminova(29) and Lebedev(56) everyone admires (and they have a 25-year age difference), then Dmitry Dibrov (56), who married a young girl for the fourth time, for some reason everyone condemns. What are the pros and cons of a relationship with a person who is much older than you? Tried to figure this out PEOPLETALK.

Comments on all the pros and cons of such a relationship gave PEOPLETALKpsychologist, author and presenter of trainings on the psychology of gender relations Mark Barton.

Plus: material condition

No matter how trite it may sound, you cannot close your eyes on the material condition of your narrowed eyes. If a man is 15 years older than you, then he most likely has a stable financial situation. If not, this raises questions. An excellent example in this case is just a couple Perminova And Lebedev. Alexander By the age of 56, he had earned more than a billion rubles!

Mark Barton:Of course, in the relationship between a man and a woman, the material side plays an important role. If your chosen one does not strive for anything, and even more so is not able to provide for you and your future children, you should think about developing such a relationship. And of course, you don’t need to focus on millionaires and billionaires, there won’t be enough of them for everyone. Choose worthy and purposeful.

Pros: Wisdom

Adult does not always mean smart, but if you are lucky, then he will definitely share his wisdom and experience with you. With him it will be interesting for you: he will explain what is " Spring package'why the last movie Tarantino called " Hateful Eight”, and will introduce you to many interesting people who are sure to be found in his environment. For sure Dmitry Dibrov have something to tell his wife, whom he once met at the competition beauty of the body(she won it by the way), - after all, he is the host of the Who Wants to Be a Millionaire program!

Mark Barton: Next to a wise man is really very comfortable, stable and reliable. But in such a relationship there is a danger of being in the role of a daughter with a husband-father. In relationships where the man is much older, the woman perceives him as a mentor and over time may face the problem of compulsive correction. Sometimes even very wise men begin to carry out educational work with a young wife. It is good if these instructions do not infringe on a woman and develop complexes in her.

Plus: your youth

Against its background, you will always be young and beautiful. And he, in turn, will glow with happiness, introducing you to his friends. Like, look what a beautiful lady next to me! Remember at least the union Amber Heard And but. Their romance began on the set of the film " Rum diary". I think (40) in the background Sean Penn(55) looked even younger and sexier during their romance in 2014.

Mark Barton: In female youth, there are only pluses, and there is no point in arguing here. But in a marriage with a man an order of magnitude older, this can play a bad joke. The physical activity of a man may fall short of that of a young wife. I'm not talking about the sexual side of the relationship. As soon as a woman begins to feel a lack of attention in her intimate life, bad thoughts will involuntarily begin to visit her head.

Pros: experience

An adult man is an experienced man. If he chose you at the age of 40-50, then you are a much more worthy match than all his previous ones. Moreover, most likely, he considers you as his potential wife and mother of his children. An excellent example in this case is Jason Statham(49) and (29) who met at a music festival Coachella. Despite the fact that the actor and model have an age difference of 17 years, he proposed to his lady of the heart and is preparing for the wedding.

Mark Barton: As a rule, men by the age of 40-50 already have children, and had experience of family life. At this age, men analyze and draw conclusions, and these conclusions are not always positive. Why did he allow the family to break up? Why are children not raised by their father? And so on… There are many questions. Therefore, talking about experience and about the role in which a man represents his chosen one in the future is possible only on an individual basis.

Minus: public opinion

If a man is an adult and wealthy, then there is a great chance that acquaintances will only talk behind his back that you are with him because of money, connections and fame. It will be quite difficult to prove the opposite, because evil tongues are worse than a gun. Actually, therefore Amber Heard(30) can’t wash off the dirt that the public poured on her as soon as the girl accused Johnny Depp(53) in domestic violence.

Mark Barton: Public opinion is a powerful and effective weapon. People tend to focus on what relatives, friends, acquaintances will say. But if we are talking about relationships based on intimacy and the cultivation of love ... rely on your feelings and reason.

Cons: companies

He may not be interested in what your surroundings are interested in. He will not keep up a conversation with your friends and will not want to go to the same bar with them. But you can look at it from the other side: you will have time to take a break from each other. For example, while the owner of the concept store " KM20» Olga Karput(33) hanging out with Gosha Rubchinsky, her husband, developer Pavel Te(53), goes fishing with three children beyond the seas and oceans.

Mark Barton: The personal space and interests with which we live are quite normal and understandable ( if they don't harm your relationship). Spending time in different companies is acceptable if the other half is not deprived of attention. Otherwise, such a pastime may end in failure.

Minus: different lifestyle

You're young, you want to hang out. " Dear, today in Strelka» deep fried friends! Let's go to?"He is not interested, he will go to the" Lighthouse and have a glass of cognac there with his old friends. It happens: while (30) doing cardio with a friend Polina Kitsenko, her husband Sergei(43), with whom they have been together for nine years, rocking on stage with two hot beauties from the group " Leningrad».

Mark Barton: I will be short and direct. If a girl wants to hang out, let her do it. When it comes to creating a family, you need to forget about parties. It turns out conveniently ... A woman is looking for a successful, rich, adult, wise man, she is ready and even wants to use his achievements and successes. At the same time, he forgets about his needs. It reeks of a lack of love and respect. Sooner or later, such a girl will be left with nothing.

Minus: family attitude

Perhaps your mother dreamed of a young handsome son-in-law, and not of a man who is slightly younger than herself. Yes, there may be disagreements with your parents, but you may still be able to avoid them. The model is trying to cope with this Nina Agdal(24), beloved (41). Nina's grandmother threatens him: " I have not met the actor personally, but I hope for his good attitude towards Nina, otherwise I will have to intervene, and the young man will deal with me!»

Mark Barton: It is important for parents to live with the confidence that their daughter is next to a reliable man. Maybe at the first stages of the development of relations, the age difference will be a reason for talking, but as soon as the relatives see the happy, shining eyes of their daughter and everything that precedes and accompanies this, they will calm down.