Creative ways to encourage your child to clean their room. How to help your child develop the right attitude to order Get your child to clean up after themselves

Greetings, my dear readers! We learn some things in childhood, we acquire something with age. Today I would like to answer a question that clients quite often ask me: how to teach a child to order? Psychologist's advice: at what age is it better to start, what will help with small children and how to negotiate with a teenager. Remember, nothing is impossible. And if now your baby scatters toys and does not clean up after himself, then you can easily understand what to do after reading my article.

Everyone has their own order.

I would like to start by defining the order. Each family has its own rules, its own routine and regimen. Some parents keep perfect order in the house, but allow your child in the room to supervise him.

I also have another example. One compassionate mother washes the floors herself, cleans up, lays out things in her daughter's room.
Here it is very important to catch the golden mean. I think that the child should clean his own room. Not out of duress, not under duress, not out of fear of punishment. Himself, because he understands that it's time to clean up. This is how independence is developed.

As for the definition of order. One of my girlfriends constantly complains about her husband that he has set up a real pigsty in a barn in the country. When I came to visit them and went into the notorious barn, I was amazed. Indeed, from the outside it seemed that it was just a dump.

But as soon as the man went into the barn, I immediately realized that he knows perfectly well where he has what lies. Which drawer contains screws and which drawer contains bolts. He's so comfortable. Here is the main word of order. A person should be comfortable in his personal space.

Do not try to accustom the child to your order. Help him create his own.

Help him understand how he will be comfortable. That is your job as a parent. And not to teach your son or daughter to live by your rule of order.

Cleanliness, neatness and cleanliness is a completely different conversation. And this is worth teaching, this issue is worth dealing with. When can you start teaching your kids to be clean?

The sooner the better

Don't worry about the first two years. In the article "" I describe in detail why in the first two years of a baby's life you should not focus on pedantic purity. Be sure to read the article if you do not want to interfere with your baby in exploring the world and surrounding things with your accuracy.

Discipline is not formed overnight. It is impossible to teach a child to clean up the house in a short period of time. This should be a process of habit formation. How can this be achieved?

Use a game form of communication. When the baby goes to bed, before that you need to put all the animals that are scattered around the room to sleep. After all, you sleep in your bed, and the baby has a crib, and the toys should have a house where they sleep.

After the child has eaten, do not let him go just like that. Arrange fun wash utensils to inflate bubble, splash a little water, play with foam. Make this a whole sea adventure. Do not use dishwasher. Teach your child to wash their own dishes.

Pets help a lot to form a habit of order. You need to walk with the dog, and then wash its paws, because it jumps on the sofa, for example. The toilet needs to be cleaned after the cat. For small animals, hamsters, chinchillas, etc., you also need to clean the cages. You even have to clean up after the parrot.

Calmly and measuredly explain to the child that in the house every thing has its own place. And if you take this thing, then after use you need to put it back in its place. Otherwise, it may get lost.

Watch his behavior. If he leaves his toy in the wrong place, you can hide it in his absence. The toy is lost. Because she was out of place. Of course, as a result, the child must find it and understand that it is necessary to put things in their place so that such situations do not arise again.

But don't overdo it. You yourself, I'm sure, do not always remember where you left your keys, phone, TV remote control.

What result do you want to achieve

Many parents ask the question - how to teach a child to keep order. I clarify - what do you want to achieve from the child? So that he makes the bed, cleans up the dishes, vacuums, does not get dirty? After all, different goals require the development of different skills.

One of my clients wanted to make a pedantic cleaner out of her son. Finally, after a long joint work we have come to a less drastic approach.

First of all, understand what you want to achieve from the child.

• If your goal is order in his room, then reread the first paragraph and help your baby decide how he will be more comfortable.
• If your task is to help with cleaning around the house, then inoculate with early childhood the habit of helping mom and dad.

Many parents themselves do not know what they want from their children and say that they are untidy, unlucky and dirty. Solve problems as they come. Do not immediately try to make an ideal example of cleanliness out of your son. Start small, gradually move forward.

You can teach your child to a certain order in the house, but leave the order in his own room to his discretion. You can develop neatness by example. Agree, it would be foolish to demand order from your daughter if you have the most complete bedlam in the room.

Children very quickly and easily adopt the habits of adults. Therefore, if you leave dirty dishes until tomorrow, where does the baby get the desire to wash these very dishes right after dinner? Watch yourself carefully. What are you passing on to your children with your behavior?

Do you have constant obedience problems? Read the article "". Also, you can contact me for help. There are problems that we cannot solve on our own. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

And in order to find an approach specifically to your child, I additionally recommend reading Evgenia Belonoshchenko’s book “ Born with character».

How do you teach your child to be neat and clean? Do you use a reward or punishment system more often? What best motivates your little one to clean up?

Patience and more strength!

Faktrum publishes a post by Ruth Sukap - guru of order and reasonable spending, New York Times columnist, writer, wife and mother of two children. Ruth maintains a blog dedicated to order: order in the head, in finances, in relationships and ... in children's rooms! So…

Be prepared for tears, threats, bargaining, excuses, demands for something in return, and promises to get it done later. More than once you will want to throw out the white flag and put the toys on the shelves yourself. I've lost count of how often my husband - our family peacemaker - asked if it was really worth it. “After all, they are just children - one is 3, the other is 6. Don’t you think that you are demanding too much from them?”

But I didn't back down. If I don't expect more from them, who will? Sooner or later my children will thank me for this. So I reasoned.

The battle went on for several months. Several times I spent literally several hours to achieve my goal. But now, almost a year later, I know that I can just say "Please clean your room" and my request will be granted. I have learned a few lessons from all of this.

Lead by example

It would be strange to expect cleanliness from a child if I myself did not make an effort to keep the house clean. Well, of course, houses are not always in perfect order, but I regularly spend enough time to keep it clean and comfortable. My girls can see me cleaning almost every day and sometimes even help me with it. Our rule is to make sure that every morning starts with order in the apartment.

Be Consistent

Often in the evening we are so tired that we do not have the strength to clean up. But every morning we start by cleaning up after ourselves. Even on days when we don't feel like it at all. Even if we have a lot of other things to do. Even if there is so much going on around. For better or worse, it has already become a habit with us. I think someday my girls will do it without thinking. For now though, they need to be reminded. But here's the important thing: WE start the day with cleaning. They and I. This is the key to solving the problem. It would be easier for me to clean everything myself while they watched TV. But I never do their work for them.

Be decisive

This means that the answer "No" is not accepted under any circumstances. My children learn to accept one simple thing every day - as long as they are children, they must obey me. They understand that I expect them to do what I asked them to do, no more and no less. From the first time, without disputes, complaints and excuses. We have no democracy here, no negotiations.

Get rid of unnecessary things

Try to put away - in the attic, in the garage ... - some of their toys, as I did last summer. You can’t imagine how it became easier for the children themselves to live after that. But children are like magnets, they seem to attract new toys, parts, pieces of paper, and all this accumulates again and again. Therefore, when throwing away the unnecessary, it is useful to be a little cynical. Any pieces of paper and debris in general should be disposed of almost immediately (when children do not see it).

Putting things away should be easy

Cleaning is very easy for my girls, because everything in their room has its own “house”. Clothes hang low enough for them to hang themselves, toys and games are each “assigned” to their own shelf or box.

Let it be fun

I admit, cleaning is not always fun. But you need to try to make the process captivate children. For example, arrange a competition: who will clean up faster - the children in their room, or the mother in the rest of the apartment. Or turn on the music so you can collect toys and dance.

Children do not always understand what adults want from them. Explain what you mean when you ask to clean up. I showed my daughters how to hang clothes properly, how to fold pajamas, how to check if things are dirty. Together we learned to "scan" the room in search of toys lying around in the corners, to check if something rolled under the bed. I showed them where to put the rubbish and dirty dishes that should not be left in their room. True, they still resist my requests to make the bed.

Be tactful

Never expect perfect order from children. Even if they tried very hard. When I ask them to do something, I expect them to do their best, but the result may not be the same as if I did it myself. On the contrary, if on some day they tidied up better than usual, they should be praised for this.

Do you know a joke? The best alarm clock is children. Run once and...

And, as an option, the duration of an impeccable order in your home begins to be calculated in a matter of minutes. But this is if you let things take their course, and if you gradually accustom it to order, then you will be able to significantly not only save both time and nerves, but also get pleasure. Yes, yes, it is from cleaning, and which method or combination of them is right for you, choose for yourself.

Method number 1 A personal example is better than any words!

No one has yet come up with a more effective way than a personal example. There is no need to persuade little imitators, the kids themselves actively use a broom, wipe the dust with a cloth or reach for a vacuum cleaner. Because that's what mom does. Show your child by example how to properly clean, where to put things in order, where to hang things, how to sort toys into boxes and put books on shelves. Even if you are tired and not in the mood for cleaning, do not show it to your baby. Negative emotions in the subconscious of the baby will be superimposed on the process and he will think that cleaning "makes mom angry." Make things easy, smile at a helper, sing a song together, or play music in a fun background.

Starting cleaning in the nursery, do not criticize the child for "the mess that he made here" and "the trash that he keeps here." He can say the same about the contents of your closet or makeup bag. You have different concepts of convenience, beauty and usefulness of things, so let your child lead the process.

If a child built railway or a knight's castle for half a room, do not demand to remove it all immediately. Believe me, he has invested as much effort and labor into his creative process as you have into a cooked dinner or an ironed pile of laundry.

Always put things in order so that it is pleasant and comfortable to be in the house, and not because "guests will come." Otherwise, during the next cleaning, you will suddenly hear the question: “Mom, why are we cleaning? Is someone coming to visit us today?”

Method 2. We need a plan!

The call to “quickly clean everything up” does not carry any semantic load for the child. He simply is not able to follow the scope of your thought. It is much more effective to make a plan and clearly set goals. Put the books on the shelves, put the toys in the drawers, wipe the table with a cloth, water the flowers. Choose tasks according to the age of the child. If the child is already reading, write a list of tasks on a sheet; if not, draw schematic drawings. Give the child only one task at a time, and after each completed work, be sure to praise. At the end of cleaning, be sure to reward yourself and your baby with a prize: a delicious dessert, watching a cartoon together, a game or a walk.

Method 3

It would be nice if the child came to such a simple conclusion himself. After playing, drawing, reading, walking - toys, books, accessories, clothes should be put away. Explain and show that it is better to restore such a small order right away than to put things in their places for a long time and clean the scattered things on the shelves.

Start a daily evening ritual to put toys away. But not when it's time to sleep, but before dinner or watching a cartoon at night. It’s time for toys to sleep too and no one wants to lie on the floor all night.

This little cleaning ritual should become a daily routine. When an action is repeated regularly, regardless of any accompanying conditions, it becomes a habit and becomes part of the daily routine. The child understands that cleaning becomes an invariable item of the daily and weekly program, and it will not be possible to avoid it, therefore, he accepts your rules of the game. The most important thing here is not to deviate from the joint agreement. If you at least once at first allow "to put away the toys in the morning", be prepared for the frequent repetition of a similar situation and daily persuasion and prodding. Be consistent.

Method 4. More fun together!

Give your child cleaning tasks game form. Preschoolers will be happy to support your game. Rescue the toys from an evil sorcerer who goes hunting at night or arrange a competition to see who can collect soft animals in the box house or drive the cars into the garage faster. When you do not just help the child clean up or clean up instead of him, but you are nearby, supporting him, cooperating and encouraging, creates that very trusting and friendly atmosphere. For a child, this is very important.

If your child loves it when you read to him, read a book to him while he arranges the soldiers on the shelf or puts the scattered pieces of the designer in the box. One day, the cleaning will end at the most interesting place, which will encourage the baby to continue reading on their own. This method will instill in the child not only a love of cleaning, but also.

Method 5. Every thrush know your hearth!

Every toy, every book should have its place. For new things and gifts, find a place right away and arrange it. Sometimes the cause of clutter is simply the lack of space for things. The kid has nowhere to put them, so the room looks cluttered and untidy.

Think about this when planning a nursery and furnishing a space for a child. He needs to know where to put dirty laundry, where to throw garbage, he needs boxes and boxes for toys, shelves for books and art supplies. At the same time, the room should be as spacious as possible, and not cluttered. Ideally, when boxes for toys in the form of animals or cartoon characters are not only functional, but also become interior decoration. There are a variety of boxes and containers for children's rooms, so beautiful that the baby himself will want to immediately put all his toys there. Get for the baby, a small trash can for paper and scraps, bright boxes for small things and "holders" for disks with cartoons, hang the shelves at a level convenient for the child, and not for you, check if there is enough space in the closet, teach how to use hangers for clothes. Arranging a room to the taste of a child does not necessarily take a lot of money, look for coupons and discounts on the Internet, use promotional code sites, for example, Cuponation offers coupons for stores and brands such as Child's world, Daughters Sons, Kinderly, My Toys. Many large trading platforms arrange promotions and sales, for example, Aliexpress.

Do not forget to conduct an audit in the children's room from time to time. Collect toys that the child does not play with and put them away, in a few months they will be perceived with a bang, like new ones. Those toys from which the baby “grew up” can be given to younger children, and the broken ones can be completely thrown away if they cannot be repaired.

Method 6. Bonus!

No matter how annoying the eternal mess in the nursery is, do not splash out your discontent on the child. Always remember that no one is perfect, and above all, let the baby know that he is more important to you than order and cleanliness. If you are angry at scattered toys, this does not mean that you have stopped loving him. Don't let clutter become a cause of quarrel and spoiled mood. Just remember that the baby will not learn to keep himself and the environment in order if you do not help and set an example for him.

Let's summarize the same what not to do in an attempt to accustom a child to order:

1. Do not give your child a lot of tasks at once, dispense information.
2. If you are unhappy with your child's actions, always clearly explain why and how it can be corrected.
3. Never entrust your child with cleaning as a punishment, as you will only bring up in him a persistent negative attitude towards this process.
4. If you yourself are not distinguished by a special love for order and rarely rake up the accumulated blockages in the bedside tables, on the shelves and window sills, then you should not demand this from the child. Instill cleanliness by personal example.
5. Do not tell your child that cleaning the nursery is his responsibility. Instead, emphasize that this is much-needed "help" and will always be greatly appreciated.

Easy cleaning and good mood!

It is necessary to teach a child to order from early childhood. Psychologists talk about it, parents themselves realize it. Self-discipline will help the baby not only keep his room in perfect condition, but also be resistant to life's troubles. To cultivate these qualities, you need to know how to teach a child to order.

Timely accustoming the baby to cleanliness from the very beginning will help to avoid problems with order in the nursery. early age

When and where to start?

It is worth noting that it is impossible to force a teenager to clean up, so you need to take steps in this direction from birth. Many mothers believe that babies under 2 years old are not amenable to education, but as soon as the child gets on his feet, he must be taught to order. The main thing is to set achievable goals for him. At this age, children learn about the world through games, and the process of cleaning must be made fun.

Sequence:

1. Children after 1 year tend to walk unsteadily, so cleaning is good not only for discipline, but also for coordination. The easiest trick is picking up toys.
2. A kid from 2 years old must be involved in the kitchen. You can entrust him with table setting (plastic dishes, spoons, napkins) and invite him to clean up after breakfast. The cooking process can also become interesting.
3. At 3 years old, children are quite capable of washing their plate and cup, dusting the windowsill, watering the flowers, arranging the books, helping their mother pull their socks out of washing machine. By this time, systematic cleaning should develop the principle of "play-clean".
4. A child at 4 years old does not wait for instructions to make a bed after sleep, rinse a mug from milk residues (see also:). At this age, he must himself understand that the room is a mess, and it can and should be eliminated without parents. It is necessary to allow him to choose the cleaning scheme on his own. If the kid wants to arrange toys by color, let him do it. This instills a desire to clean for the sake of beauty, and not just for the sake of order. A four-year-old kid can be allowed to dust off, wash his socks.
5. At the age of 7, the child should take over part of the household chores. His personal responsibility is the flowers, the condition of clothes and shoes. He must clean without parental supervision. Responsibly wash shoes after a walk, tidy up your room, water your mother's plants. At the age of 7, a person knows why you need to wash, bathe, comb your hair and wash clothes. The correct passage of all the previous stages can instill a desire to take care of yourself.

Actions of parents

A child of any age needs to set reasonable requirements. At the same time, they should be equal for the whole family. Only in this case can fair responsibility be brought up.

With especially stubborn children, a struggle can occur in which adults cannot back down. The impregnability of parents in matters of discipline prepares kids for future social resilience. If parental inflexibility is good for them and does not mean bad, then the influence of outsiders is always ruthless and deceptive. Teaching order is only one aspect of education.

The process of developing cleanliness can take place in different ways, and parents themselves decide how to accustom children to order and cleanliness. First of all, they themselves need to be careful, because parents are the main role model. Therefore, when a sloppy mother tries to explain that you need to put your toys away, a dissonance occurs in the baby’s head: why does a mother, an adult and correct, make him do what she does not do herself?

The house must have conditions for maintaining order. It is very important that potential cleaning items are available (books on the bottom shelf, not too high a toy box). Parents should explain in an accessible form where certain things should lie. As such, the baby does not have a concept of what cleanliness is, and in most cases mom and dad are limited only to being forced to clean up toys from the floor. Parents should come up with a game, quest or fairy tale to show the child all the places in the house where it should be clean and how it looks. It is impossible to punish for a mess with "confiscation" of toys. Then the baby will hide them, and not arrange them.

How to teach: from a toy to an entire room

The game - children's way learn about the world, and many parents do not even know how games can be used for useful purposes. This is the most effective way How to teach your child to clean up after themselves toys. It is enough to make a quest: come up with some kind of story, involve the names of toys, their characters (and the child will definitely build his attitude to each individual toy). Slightly older children can be involved in the general cleaning process. Leadership tables, points, their accumulation, exchange for pencils, books, trips to the zoo or toy store help. By the same principle, you can teach to clean the room. Effective express cleaning before dinner.

Another effective way to teach a child to put away toys is to limit their number. This does not mean that you need to throw away half the wealth of the baby at once. If it so happened that there are a lot of toys in the house, you can pick them up gradually. Nevertheless, it is advisable not to overdo it with their number initially. The way is not so much in restriction as in accessibility. The child initially wants accuracy. He easily maintains cleanliness in the room if he sees or knows where this or that toy is. Their a large number of disperses attention, you have to store everything in boxes, the baby will scatter everything on the way to the desired doll, and he doesn’t even know in which box mom put it.

It is advisable to put toys in prominent places and open shelves. Several dolls, a pack of construction toys, a teddy bear and a car will help your child develop more than a ton of colorful toys. They rather need a parent to give the appearance of being cared for. The child does not care how much entertainment he has.

In the process of helping in the kitchen, you can resort to a rule that most parents use in reverse. Instead of threatening to take away the item that was left on the table, it must be said that you cannot start a new process without cleaning up after the previous one. This applies to baking, washing dishes and more.

Toddlers tend to seek the limits of parental patience through pampering and disobedience. Only perseverance, attention and calmness will help to accustom the child to discipline. Showing weakness, getting annoyed and screaming is in no case allowed (more details in the article:). In this matter, children perceive only the authority of their parents, and can only learn from a worthy person.

Little helper doesn't want to water the flowers and wipe the dust? Try changing your child's activities from time to time so things don't become boring.

General Tips psychologists:

1. You can fight childish disobedience alone in a simple way- do not replace those things that the child spoils, but give the opportunity to compensate for the breakdown. You can not succumb to whims, tantrums and so on. It is enough to explain to the kid what is wrong with his act and how to correct it. In the context of instilling order, this could be help around the house.
2. Feel sorry for the child when the conflict is resolved. The inflexibility of the parents may seem cruel to the baby, create the feeling that he is not loved. By showing tender feelings, mom shows that even bad deeds do not affect her attitude. In fact, this is a difficult task: to convince the baby that his act is wrong, but not to overdo it with support.
3. It is very important not to punish the baby for something that is beyond his control. The student should not be reprimanded from the threshold for bad marks. Always find out the reason, perhaps some circumstances affected the child.
4. It is much easier to raise children in a calm atmosphere. When a child feels love and comfort, it is easier to communicate with him.
5. The "shout-punishment-action" scheme produces only a conditioned reflex. The love of cleanliness is so deeply rooted that even after getting out of the influence of parents, a teenager will clean up at will.

Many parents very often admit major mistake upbringing - they scream trying to get out. In fact, not a single small person perceives a loud voice and irritation. This causes fear, but not a sincere desire to behave well. Fear of punishment will not become the basis of a habit, only interest, desire and respect.

Clinical and perinatal psychologist, graduated from the Moscow Institute of Perinatal and Reproductive Psychology and Volgograd State Medical University with a degree in clinical psychology

At first, you try not to notice it. But sooner or later, a long and painful war for a clean room will be declared in your house. I'm not exaggerating - if you do not take action in advance, teaching a child to clean up toys after himself can result in nothing more than bloodshed.

We publish a post by Ruth Sukap - guru of order and smart spending, New York Times columnist, writer, wife and mother of two children. Ruth maintains a blog dedicated to order: order in the head, in finances, in relationships and ... in children's rooms! So…

Be prepared for tears, threats, bargaining, excuses, demands for something in return, and promises to get it done later. More than once you will want to throw out the white flag and put the toys on the shelves yourself. I've lost count of how often my husband - our family peacemaker - asked if it was really worth it. “After all, they are just children - one is 3, the other is 6. Don’t you think that you are demanding too much from them?”

But I didn't back down. If I don't expect more from them, who will? Sooner or later my children will thank me for this. So I reasoned.

The battle went on for several months. Several times I spent literally several hours to achieve my goal. But now, almost a year later, I know that I can just say "Please clean your room" and my request will be granted. I have learned a few lessons from all of this.

Lead by example
It would be strange to expect cleanliness from a child if I myself did not make an effort to keep the house clean. Well, of course, houses are not always in perfect order, but I regularly spend enough time to keep it clean and comfortable. My girls can see me cleaning almost every day and sometimes even help me with it. Our rule is to make sure that every morning starts with order in the apartment.

Be Consistent
Often in the evening we are so tired that we do not have the strength to clean up. But every morning we start by cleaning up after ourselves. Even on days when we don't feel like it at all. Even if we have a lot of other things to do. Even if there is so much going on around. For better or worse, it has already become a habit with us. I think someday my girls will do it without thinking. For now though, they need to be reminded. But here's the important thing: WE start the day with cleaning. They and I. This is the key to solving the problem. It would be easier for me to clean everything myself while they watched TV. But I never do their work for them.

Be decisive
This means that the answer "No" is not accepted under any circumstances. My children learn to accept one simple thing every day - as long as they are children, they must obey me. They understand that I expect them to do what I asked them to do, no more and no less. From the first time, without disputes, complaints and excuses. We have no democracy here, no negotiations.

Get rid of unnecessary things
Try to put away - in the attic, in the garage ... - some of their toys, as I did last summer. You can’t imagine how it became easier for the children themselves to live after that. But children are like magnets, they seem to attract new toys, parts, pieces of paper, and all this accumulates again and again. Therefore, when throwing away the unnecessary, it is useful to be a little cynical. Any pieces of paper and debris in general should be disposed of almost immediately (when children do not see it).

Putting things away should be easy
Cleaning is very easy for my girls, because everything in their room has its own “house”. Clothes hang low enough for them to hang themselves, toys and games are each “assigned” to their own shelf or box.

Let it be fun
I admit, cleaning is not always fun. But you need to try to make the process captivate children. For example, arrange a competition: who will clean up faster - the children in their room, or the mother in the rest of the apartment. Or turn on the music so you can collect toys and dance.

Share your advice
Children do not always understand what adults want from them. Explain what you mean when you ask to clean up. I showed my daughters how to hang clothes properly, how to fold pajamas, how to check if things are dirty. Together we learned to "scan" the room in search of toys lying around in the corners, to check if something rolled under the bed. I showed them where to put the rubbish and dirty dishes that should not be left in their room. True, they still resist my requests to make the bed.

Be tactful
Never expect perfect order from children. Even if they tried very hard. When I ask them to do something, I expect them to do their best, but the result may not be the same as if I did it myself. On the contrary, if on some day they tidied up better than usual, they should be praised for this.