Personal space of a person
Every person has a personal space, and it implies a certain comfort zone where he feels calm and confident. Personal territory should be inaccessible to outsiders.
The pharaohs of ancient Egypt did not even allow those who had served them faithfully for years, and at French balls, guests danced at a certain distance from each other, without touching their dance partners.
Trips in crowded vehicles, large crowds of people on the streets, cramped apartments, annoying advertising campaigns - this is what constantly violates the boundaries of our personal territory in the modern world.
And how many wars have been started because of the unwillingness of one country to reckon with the state borders of another.
Personal space: Any animal is surrounded by a certain spatial zone. They regard this zone as their own personal territory. How far does this territory stretch? Depends on how densely populated the places in the habitat are.
Everyone knows that natural instincts have a very large impact on human behavior. Therefore, a person also has his own air shell surrounding his body and its size depends on the density of the population of people in his place of residence, national characteristics, social status in society:
Consider the average size of a person's personal space:
1.
Intimate area (from 15 to 46 cm). Of all the zones, this is the most important, since it is this zone that a person protects as if it were his property. Basically, only those people who are in close emotional contact with him are allowed to enter this zone.
Namely, children, parents, spouses, lovers, close friends and relatives. In this zone there is also a subzone with a radius of 15 cm, which can only be penetrated through physical contact. This is a super intimate area.
2. Personal area (from 46 cm to 1.2 meters). This is the distance that usually separates us when we are at cocktails - parties, formal receptions, formal evenings and social gatherings.
3. Social area (from 1.2 to 3.6 meters). At this distance, we keep away from strangers, for example, a plumber or carpenter who has come to repair our house, a postman, a new employee at work, and from people we do not know very well.
4. Public area (over 3.6 meters). When we are addressing a large group of people, it is most convenient to stand at this very distance from the audience.
Now let's look at how you can use personal space in psychology and communication:
1) Usually our intimate area is violated by this or that person for two reasons. The first is when the "offender" is our close relative or friend, or a person with sexual intentions.
The second is when the “intruder” shows hostile tendencies and is inclined to attack us. If we can tolerate the intrusion of strangers into our personal and social zones, then the intrusion of an outsider into the intimate zone causes various physiological reactions and changes within our body. The heart begins to beat faster, adrenaline is released into the blood, and it rushes to the brain and muscles as a signal of the physical readiness of our body for a fight, i.e. alert.
2) If you kindly touch the hand or hug the person you just met, then this may cause him a negative reaction towards you, even if he or she smiles at you and, in order not to offend you, pretend to be that she likes it.
If you want people to feel comfortable, and when carrying out any psycho-manipulative actions, observe the golden rule: you need to approach a person in stages, depending on how close you have established emotional contact with him. The warmer and more interesting the conversation, the more intimate our relations with other people, the closer we are allowed to penetrate their zones.
For example, an employee who has just been hired may at first think that the team treats him very coolly, but they just keep him at the distance of the social zone, because they know him little.
Once co-workers get to know him better, the territorial distance between them is reduced, and in the end he is allowed to move within the personal zone, and in some cases, to enter the intimate zone.
3) The distance between two kissing people can tell you a lot about the nature of the relationship between these people. Lovers tightly press their bodies against each other and are inside each other's intimate zone.
The distance will be completely different if you receive a kiss from a stranger wishing you a Happy New Year, or from the husband of your best friend, since both will leave your lower body at least 15 cm away from yours.
4) Crowding at concerts, in cinemas, on escalators, in transport, in the elevator leads to an inevitable invasion of each other's intimate areas and it is interesting to observe the reaction of people to these intrusions. Many try not to talk, even with friends. Almost no one looks directly at others.
The faces are impartial, thoughtful - basically no display of emotion. If in the hands of a book or newspapers, people are completely immersed in reading. The tighter the transport, the more restrained the movements are. In an elevator, many people only look at the floor sign overhead.
All this indicates that any person feels discomfort when his personal space is violated by strangers, because the natural unconscious instinct regards this as a threat or danger. As a result, the brain, so as not to overload itself, goes into a light trance, and people who are not used to city life even at first get lost in the crowd and forget where they are and where they are going.
But the boundaries of personal territory do not exist only at the physical level. It is because of the unwillingness of many to reckon with the boundaries of the partner's comfort zone that discord occurs in married couples.
Determining the boundaries of personal space in family relationships is much more difficult than defending your territory from strangers and little-known people.
At the beginning of a relationship, two people dream of how they can completely immerse themselves in each other's lives, build a life together, but over time, the idea of "complete dedication and merging of interests" becomes less fabulous.
This happens for the reason that each person has their own personal interests, hobbies that do not always coincide with the partner's worldview, the discrepancy between the concept of a comfort zone and personal space is manifested.
The comfort zone guarded by everyone includes the opportunity to be alone with oneself at a certain time, to dream alone, to think about pressing problems, without explaining their desires to another person.
Of course, it is impossible to draw a clear line under the definition of a personal territory, since it is purely individual for everyone and you can only learn about its boundaries from its owner, by asking directly or by noticing it through long experiments. But, if you want to build a strong relationship, you need to determine the boundaries of the partner's private space in any case.
The boundaries of the comfort zone depend largely on the following points:
1. From the type of character
Extroverts do not set clear boundaries for personal space and may require their loved ones to become the "holy of holies", and introverts, on the contrary: they perceive encroachments on personal territory very painfully.
2. From a person's self-confidence
Those who are not self-confident and constantly worry that they will be betrayed are more prone to the desire to "test" their loved ones. They strive to check e-mail or SMS, arrive from work ahead of schedule.
3. From place of residence and nationality
Residents of megalopolises who are accustomed to being in a confined space with a large number of outsiders attach less importance to observing the comfort zone than those who are used to living in spacious houses and who are surrounded by a small number of townspeople on the streets.
4. From the established traditions in the family
If it is customary in the family of your beloved to read other people's letters and answer personal mobile phones to everyone who passes them during an incoming call, to talk about problems loudly, then most likely your personal life will be assassinated by a young man. And all your attempts to distance yourself or point out his inappropriate behavior will be perceived at best as a joke, at worst as the most severe offense.
In our society, even a not very well-mannered person knows that reading other people's letters, SMS, and checking incoming / outgoing calls is completely prohibited. Some do not do it for the reason - "the less you know, the harder you sleep." Of course, there are also people who want to know everything and be aware of everything that happens in the life of another person. It is already useless to fight here and all that remains is to change the partner.
People who have different opinions about where a person's personal space ends often cannot understand each other at all.
___________________________________________________________
