How to find a normal family for an unborn baby. How the souls of unborn children influence the fate of their born brothers and sisters, mother and father. Psychological consequences of abortion

Article by the Center psychologist "5 YES!" Marina Morozova

More recently, abortion was considered a common medical operation, painful, unpleasant, leading to various complications in a woman's body, but nothing more.
"Just think, a piece of meat was cut out," some say, "all women have abortions."

But what happens during and after an abortion in a woman's soul? Is it really all about physiology?

It is no coincidence that abortion is considered a huge sin - a sin of murder from the point of view of any religion. It is destructive for a woman's soul, her destiny and negatively affects her other born children, grandchildren and even great-grandchildren. This is popularly called the "ancestral curse".

The soul of an aborted child suffers too. A child's soul can be offended and angry with parents for not being allowed to be born, to come into this world. And modern systemic family psychology confirms this.

For example, when we do family constellations, substitutes for aborted children feel pain, resentment and anger at their parents, rejection, condemnation of them. They are also associated with their born brothers and sisters and influence their destiny. They can envy them, be jealous, offended, angry, and born brothers or sisters can yearn for them, feel pain, a desire to meet the deceased (that is, their soul looks into that world, at an aborted brother or sister), unwillingness to live, anger at parents, distrust of them.

Such a child can withdraw into himself, feel depression, apathy (which is interpreted as laziness), fatigue, rapid fatigue. He is ill a lot or does not study well, is not interested in anything, conflicts with parents, teachers, he has no friends. Any destructive behavior of the child can be the result of abortion in the family.

The consequences of abortion for a woman

A woman who has had an abortion, even if she does not remember about it (amnesia is a protective mechanism of the psyche), constantly feels a sense of guilt and unconsciously punishes herself for this through various unpleasant situations (illness, financial problems, conflicts). Believing women feel sin and regard any failure in life as God's punishment for it.

The soul of such a woman looks into that world, the soul of her child, and is closely connected with it. She longs and deeply suffers for the child, experiences loss, while she is angry with herself, the man (the child's father) and other people whom she considers to be the culprit of the abortion. She may have visions, nightmares, depression, a desire to commit suicide (and even attempts to do so). According to scientists from the University of Minnesota, 76% of women who had an abortion thought about suicide, and 24% tried to do it.

One of the common causes of depression is abortion (or any other unborn child).

A woman is not 100% here in this world with her husband and children. Part of her soul is, as it were, "chipped" from her and is there, with that child. This means that she cannot fully live, fully communicate with her husband (men) and children, fully create, work, and even more so she cannot afford to enjoy life, to be happy, loved, healthy, rich.

The woman becomes, as it were, frozen, cold, indifferent, indifferent. This frozenness is a defense mechanism. In order not to feel pain, guilt and anger, a person unconsciously freezes feelings. There is, as it were, anesthesia, as a result of which a person ceases to feel at all, including love, gratitude, warmth, joy, pleasure, interest in life.

The children of such a woman do not receive her love and warmth, she takes care of them automatically, out of a sense of duty. The children may be afraid of her for some unknown reason, or it may seem to her that they are looking at her with reproach.

The husband does not receive her love and warmth, and the relationship with him deteriorates.

She is associated with an aborted child and part of her energy also goes to him. Therefore, such a woman often feels a lack of energy and strength, gets tired quickly, her appetite and sleep are disturbed, she experiences apathy. Accordingly, she does not have the energy to achieve her goals, fulfill her desires, complete self-realization. As a rule, a woman does not understand that her unwillingness to live, depression, apathy, lack of strength, constant fatigue is associated with an abortion. She explains it to herself somehow differently.

It has long been known that abortion can lead to infertility, infections, inflammation and various diseases in the female sphere. But the fact that the soul of a woman receives a severe mental trauma has been talked about only recently. There is even such a thing as post-abortion syndrome.

The consequences of abortion for men

And even more so it seems strange to many that the soul of the child's father also suffers (men also have post-abortion syndrome). After all, his soul is also connected with the aborted child, it also yearns for him.

If a man initiated an abortion, then most often the reason for this is unwillingness to take responsibility, fear of responsibility, that is, this is a manifestation of weakness. But according to his biological program, a man is a protector, he is obliged to protect his offspring. And if he insisted on an abortion, he went against nature, behaved not as a defender, but as a murderer. This inevitably gives rise to feelings of guilt and anger towards oneself. And subsequently, a man can unconsciously punish himself through various situations: alcoholism, illness, loss of job, business, money or workaholism.

Men often experience aggression against themselves and the woman who has had an abortion, and often this aggression is transferred to all women. Men can also have depression and unwillingness to live up to suicide attempts.

Unwillingness to live and depression in both men and women can manifest itself through alcoholism, drug addiction, extreme sports, unjustified risk (driving behavior) - these are the so-called forms of latent suicide.

Implications for relationships

Abortion has a very negative effect on the relationship between the father and mother of an aborted child. This relationship is also kind of aborted. A crack appears in the relationship, which gradually widens and leads to a breakup (divorce) or mutual hatred.

In any case, the relationship will no longer be as cloudless as before. People do not understand the reasons for the deterioration of relationships, since they do not know anything about the impact of abortion on these relationships. In any case, consciously or unconsciously, everyone blames the partner for what happened (shifting the blame onto the shoulders of the other is a way of protection).

Tatiana K. came to the constellation due to the deterioration of relations with her husband. The constellation revealed that their aborted child was standing between her and her husband. She looks only at the child, the rest does not interest her. When the woman saw this, she wept bitterly. After the constellation, her relationship with her husband improved dramatically.

Abortion has an extremely negative impact on the personal life of both men and women. After parting with the father or mother of their aborted child, it is difficult for them to find a “soul mate”, because when a part of the soul is connected with the unborn child, a person is not completely in this world and cannot build full-fledged relationships. In addition, if a person realizes that another relationship can lead to an abortion - and therefore pain and murder, then there is a desire to avoid them.

Intimate relationships (not necessarily with the mother or father of the aborted child) suffer deeply, because intimacy is a manifestation of love on a physical level, and a child is the fruit of this love.
The subconscious fear of an unwanted pregnancy increases, the fear of a new abortion makes it difficult to relax and enjoy sex.
Moreover, it can lead men to impotence, and women to female diseases, in which sex is excluded (painful or impossible to have sex). These can be infectious diseases, tumors, vaginismus.

Thus, people can unconsciously and even consciously reject sex or simply lose interest in it. Just as a woman after a difficult childbirth can lose interest in sex (since it resulted in pain and the risk of losing her life), so after an abortion, both a man and a woman can lose interest in sex, and even be disgusted with it. And this can manifest itself through impotence, illness, avoidance of sex and any relationship with the opposite sex.

Health consequences of abortion

The fact that abortion negatively affects women's health has long been known and confirmed by medicine. Various neoplasms are often the result of abortion, not only in the woman herself, but also in her children / grandchildren, great-grandchildren.

So, on the same constellation, we worked with one woman who had cysts in her chest. This symptom pointed to her grandmother's two aborted children (for a woman, her unborn uncle and aunt). Literally a month after the placement, the woman did an ultrasound scan, the cysts disappeared.

Consequences of medical abortion

Medical abortion - abortion for medical reasons - has a slightly less impact, since in this case there was no deliberate murder, but nevertheless, the feeling of guilt can be very strong. A woman can blame herself for not being careful, not taking good care of herself and her unborn child.

This child could be desired and long-awaited, and the grief from losing him is very deep. The souls of the mother, father, sisters and brothers (even those born after an aborted child) remain forever connected with him.

Unborn babies (miscarriage, frozen pregnancy, ectopic pregnancy): remember or forget?

A miscarriage, ectopic and frozen pregnancy are not the woman's fault, but nevertheless she can blame herself for this, doubt that she did everything to bear this child. Therefore, the feeling of guilt can be very intense. Also, a woman feels grief, pain, loss, she remains forever connected with her child.

Fear of a repetition of this tragedy can lead to a deterioration in intimate relationships and relationships with a husband or men in general.

And in fact, the tragedy may repeat itself. Suppose a woman had an abortion, but she wanted to but could not bear the next child - there was a miscarriage (or a frozen / ectopic pregnancy). It seems that all this happened by accident. Not really. It's just that this child is in solidarity with his aborted brother or sister (loyal to him), is connected with him, and does not want to be born, "follows him into that world."

But in our culture, it is not customary to mourn unborn children, although this is exactly what needs to be done. After all, we mourn the dead people, but we try to forget the unborn as soon as possible. At the level of consciousness, we forget them, but at the level of the soul, we constantly remember them (through illnesses, failures in personal life, problems).

We must not forget anyone, because these children still belong to our family system, and if we forget them, they become excluded. And then one of the children (grandchildren) strives to take the place of the unborn child and maybe in some way lives for him.

INFLUENCE OF UNBORN AND ABORTED CHILDREN on parents, children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

Let's take a closer look at how unborn children affect us and our descendants. Below I list the possible consequences of the unborn child not being mourned and forgotten.

1) Depression, apathy.

2) Unwillingness to live, thoughts of suicide (or attempts)

3) Fatigue, weakness, lethargy, fatigue, energy decline.

4) Diseases (usually neoplasms)

5) Alcoholism, smoking, drug addiction

6) Low academic performance in children, unwillingness to learn

7) Relationship with the child's father / mother deteriorates

8) A person cannot meet a new love, create a family

9) intimate relationships worsen

10) impotence in men

11) Problems with work (business)

12) Problems with money (financial recession, crisis, or constantly no money)

13) Infertility

14) Heavy pregnancy and difficult childbirth in a woman (her daughter, granddaughter, great-granddaughter)

15) Miscarriages, ectopic or missed pregnancies

These consequences can be, both for the parents of an unborn child, and for his siblings, nephews, nieces and other descendants of his parents.

What if you have already had an abortion?

In the Christian tradition, it is customary to confess this sin, to read the mother's prayer for 40 days for the murdered children.

But practice shows that this is not enough. Many women who have an aborted child as the cause of their constellation problem say they have confessed this sin.

As it turns out, it is not enough to repent before God, it is also important to work out the feelings of pain, longing, guilt, anger, to give a place in your soul to this child. And you can do this at a constellation, individual consultation, or Only such a deep study will free you and your descendants from the negative consequences of abortion.

What to do if there was a miscarriage, ectopic or missed pregnancy?

After a miscarriage, ectopic or frozen pregnancy, it is imperative to mourn the child, work through your feelings of pain, grief, loss, melancholy, give a place in your soul to this child and let him go. And you can do this at a constellation, individual consultation, or Then you and your children (and other descendants) will be able to live peacefully and enjoy life.

Psychologist Marina Morozova

When reprinting articles by psychologist Marina Morozova, an active link to this site and the name of the author is required.

The Bible makes it clear that the unborn child developing in the womb means much more to Jehovah God than just embryonic tissue. Inspired by God, King David wrote: “Your eyes have seen even my embryo, and all its particles are inscribed in your book” (Psalm 139: 16, NM). Thus, the Creator considers even the embryo to be a separate person, a living person. For this reason, he established that the person who harms the unborn child must be held accountable. --Exodus 21:22, 23. Yes, from God's point of view, killing an unborn child is like encroaching on human life. Therefore, if a girl wants to please God, then she will not consider abortion a matter of choice, even if she is under pressure.

God's Word provides the comforting hope of the resurrection, as well as life in wonderful conditions in a righteous new world that will soon come under the rule of God's Kingdom (2 Peter 3:13). About what God will do for people at that time, the Bible says: “Will wipe ...

I just found what I found: Metropolitan Hilarion of Volokolamsk delivered a lecture on death to the students of the St. Dimitry School of Mercy. In it, he, in particular, said where the souls of infants and unborn children killed by abortion go. Metropolitan Hilarion reported that, according to Saint Gregory of Nyssa, the idea of ​​posthumous retribution cannot be applied to infants, since they did not commit either good or evil deeds.

However, according to St. Gregory of Nyssa, a person who died in adulthood and lived a virtuous life ...

A disaster struck in our family: my brother's wife, at the 8th month of pregnancy, had a placental abruption (the fetus itself got tangled up with the umbilical cord and slowly tore it off, and eventually died of starvation). They made her a cesarean, took out a child. The girl was returned to us, we gave her a name and buried her.
And now the question arose: how to pray for the girl, because she, in fact, was not born? Is it possible and necessary to write her name when submitting a note for the repose?

student

Brest, Belarus

Dear Olga, about the afterlife fate of babies who did not come into this world by the permission of God, or even by human intent, the Church does not make her own definite judgment, but trusts in the mercy of God. Since these babies neither independently nor through the recipients entered the fence of the Church, the church prayer is not performed for them, therefore, it is not necessary to submit notes about them. But we believe that by the providence of God for such babies heavenly abodes are prepared, where they and ...

Metropolitan Hilarion of Volokolamsk delivered a lecture on death to students of the St. Dimitry School of Mercy. In it, he, in particular, said where the souls of infants and unborn children killed by abortion go. Metropolitan Hilarion reported that, according to Saint Gregory of Nyssa, the idea of ​​posthumous retribution cannot be applied to infants, since they did not commit either good or evil deeds.

Sin, according to Gregory of Nyssa, is a disease, and in order to enjoy heavenly goods, deliverance from this disease is required. He wrote that "a baby who was not tempted in evil, since no illness interferes with the communion of the light in his spiritual eyes, remains in a natural state, having no need for cleansing to restore health, because in the beginning he did not accept illness into his soul."

However, according to Saint Gregory of Nyssa, a person who died in adulthood and lived a virtuous life will receive greater bliss. Because if the righteous did not ...

I looked through the sites. Here is what I found: (this is about children who were not aborted, but who died in the womb for various reasons)

Not only is it possible, but it is also necessary to pray for these children at home! Babies who died in the womb of their mothers bear the original sin, they are not washed with the holy water of Baptism, and therefore especially need motherly prayers.

And there are prayers for unborn children.

Prayer for babies who died in the womb
(compiled by Metropolitan Gregory of Novgorod and St. Petersburg)

Remember, O Lord of Man, the souls of the departed slaves of Your babies, who in the womb of their Orthodox mothers died accidentally from unknown actions, or from a difficult birth, or from some kind of negligence. To baptize them, O Lord, in the sea of ​​Thy compassions and save them with Thy ineffable goodness.

Mother's Home Prayer for Stillborn Children
(compiled by Hieromonk Arseny Afonsky)

Lord, have mercy on my children who have died in my womb! For my faith and my tears, for the sake of Thy mercy, O Lord, do not deprive ...

Question to the priest: I am tormented by the question, when a woman had an abortion, where does the baby's soul go - to hell or heaven?

Fr. Maxim Kaskun. You know, there are now such false Orthodox activists who believe that aborted babies go to hell. Can you imagine, huh? A child who has not done anything, who, according to the teachings of the Orthodox Church, is generally sinless, he surrenders to his own mother, he experiences not only grief, death, terrible pain from wounds, when he is torn to pieces, he also experiences the most severe mental trauma that the place that was his protection and stronghold betrayed him.

And in this state, he comes out of this world and, through the love of our Lord, goes straight to hell! Stupid, huh? Therefore, we pray for unbaptized babies, for them you can light a candle in the church. We cannot pray for them at the proskomedia, because they are not baptized, although John Chrysostom says that even for heretics in the Sacraments one must pray. But,…

It is no secret that abortion is considered murder in almost all religious denominations of the world, and many spiritual practices open the veil over what happens to the mother-child relationship and what happens if parents decide to get rid of the one who was given life.

© Pino Daeni

It is no secret that abortion is considered murder in almost all religious denominations of the world, and many spiritual practices open the veil over what happens to the mother-child relationship and what happens if parents decide to get rid of the one who was given life.

Many of us are children of the Soviet Union, and as a first-education medical assistant-obstetrician, I know firsthand that earlier many women considered abortion as a means of contraception. Accordingly, there are few people who are over twenty years old and who do not have unborn brothers and sisters. And if the church claims that an aborted child is a sin borne by parents, then I want to direct your attention to how unborn children affect those who are born.

From a systemic point of view, a family is a system consisting of its representatives interconnected with each other, which influence each other regardless of whether they are alive or not. So, we can have a good strong connection with our deceased grandmother, pay off the debts of our great-grandfather, repeat the fate of our mother’s older sister, whom everyone has forgotten about, and not allow ourselves to develop and prosper in memory of the repressed relatives. Everything that is not at rest, not mourned and forgotten, in one way or another, affects our life.

The strongest and most enduring bond is the bond between parent and child. Every child carries his family in his heart. And often he doesn’t know where his feelings are coming from - we call it “weaves”. The child is, as it were, intertwined with the events and destinies of people that he may not even know about. The basic rule of family relations is that all relatives have the right to belong. If one of them is excluded, then the fate of the excluded can affect another family member in the next generation, and this can manifest itself in depression, unmotivated attacks of aggression, unwillingness to live, phobias, irrational patterns of behavior and diseases. And until the right of the excluded is restored, until he is given his due, by invisible threads the living are connected with those who have been gone for a long time.

Unfortunately, I cannot offer you a clear structure of who and for what reasons falls into this or that interweaving, because each fate is unique, since each system is unique, and nevertheless, we can see certain patterns, but not probabilities.

Let's try to make some kind of classification, what problems are faced by a person who has unborn children and someone who has unborn brothers and sisters.

By the word “unborn” I mean: aborted, stillborn, miscarriage, fertilized eggs during artificial insemination, as well as embryos that are “frozen”, and children who were not born if the mother used the contraceptive “spiral” (then a woman, as a rule, she does not know how many times she became pregnant, and this needs to be clarified through constellation or other types of work with the unconscious).

INFLUENCE OF UNBORN CHILDREN ON PARTNERSHIP

Abortion has a profound effect on the soul. Parenthood occurs at the moment of conception, it cannot be canceled by abortion.
The consequences of abortion for parents are usually much worse than if they had a child.
The blame for what happened cannot be shared - everyone has their own.
If a woman, having become pregnant, did not tell her partner about it, her responsibility and guilt are aggravated.
With every abortion, part of the relationship is aborted. Physically, this may be the termination or violation of sexual relations, but in reality this break occurs at the level of the souls. The situation remains this way until each of the parents admits their guilt, until they mentally look at the child and give him a place in their heart. Then both can be together.
Relationships in a couple cannot be completed if they have unacceptable unborn children. On the subtle plane, this connection remains as long as they are alive.

PARENTS AND UNBORN CHILDREN

The mother's soul experiences an abortion as if she had lost a part of herself. She is attracted to a dead child, she is drawn to death. The pain from this is so great that in most cases this movement passes into the sphere of the unconscious and a woman can feel a lack of strength, a lack of energy, as if her life was flowing away somewhere.
The mother's heart remains with the first unborn child until he is mourned for her, she is "closed" to other children. A baby who is born later may unknowingly feel fear towards the mother.
A man who has aborted children has financial problems of one kind or another.
Living children can be restless, sick, do not study well, and they can have accidents. The parent may feel that they do not have real good contact with the child.

CHILDREN WHO HAVE UNBORN BROTHERS AND SISTERS

If you have an unborn brother or sister before you, then this child “ceded” to you his place in the system, because, most likely, you would not exist. Then often such people do not have life itself: they may feel that they have no right to live, feel that they are living several lives at the same time, have financial difficulties. As if they can't afford a fulfilling, happy life. Usually such people have difficulties with choosing a profession, they complain about the inability to find their way. They have several formations in their arsenal, they often change jobs, their personal relationships are complex and diverse, and among their friends there are many different and radically different people.

In their interaction with the mother, there are two scenarios: detachment, sometimes aggressive excitement in cases when the mother demands or teaches something, "sticking" in a relationship - such a child feels that he is being given too much (for two, or even for three). And the second option: inside him there is not a need, but a sense of duty - he must be successful, famous, leave his mark in this life. As if a person in his heart looks at unborn brothers and sisters and tells them: "I will live my life for all of us!" - and this is what causes many of his failures.
If there are unborn children after you, then the dynamics are less diverse, but, as a rule, the sphere of family relations suffers. Even having created our own family, we feel that we are in the service not only of her, but also of our friends, and at work - for the reason that our soul becomes a “mother” for our brothers and sisters, because our mother doesn't look at them.
If you have unborn brothers and sisters both before and after you, then it is often difficult for such a person to do something with his life at all. In describing their lives, they can use the phrases “I don’t feel support under my feet”, “the earth is leaving from under my feet”, “I don’t know who I am and what I want from this life”, “I have no taste for life”, “I seem to live, but I'm not here”, “I have a feeling that I am not living my life” ...
If there are unborn children between living brothers and sisters, then they feel alienated from each other, sometimes this alienation turns into an abyss.

There are many other nuances, each of which has its own patterns and patterns in different cases. For example, men who have artificially conceived children almost always face serious financial problems. And the point is not only that with this procedure several embryos are used, and success is not always achieved the first time, which means that all these children were not only brothers and sisters, but often twins or twins, and such a connection is even stronger than the bond between mother and child. In this case, such a system can be influenced by great forces, I would say, the forces of nature. We have a saying “God gave a child, he will give it to a child”, but if you “bought” it, she stops cooperating, and here it is practically impossible to do without serious work in correcting this situation.

You may ask: what has it to do with miscarriages and stillborn children, no one killed them? This is true, but often the pain of loss is so great that a couple is unable to truly mourn and let go of such a child. At first, they look for someone to blame, explicitly or implicitly trying to shift the blame onto each other, on doctors, or even on God himself. But if such a child is not talked about, if he is forgotten or there is pain when remembering him, then he is still not mourned, excluded, which means that there will be someone who will partially or completely take his place.

Here are some examples of client work.
A young woman complained that no one wants to be friends with her five-year-old son in the kindergarten. Parents have already changed the third garden, they try their best, buy toys and sweets for the baby, teach him to share them with other children, but all is in vain. According to the mother, her child is a kind, nice boy who suffers a lot because of the current situation.

In the constellation, she was asked to choose substitutes for her son and for other children and arrange them the way she feels. Everything looked normal right away, except that the boy's deputy had unpleasant sensations in the body, an unclear perception of reality, a sore throat. The mother recognized all these symptoms. But when the deputy toddler began to approach other children, they felt fear and looked not at the child, but at the places next to him. We introduced additional deputies into the arrangement and placed them to the right and left of the boy, and by feedback we found out that these were also children, this is how they perceived themselves and the boy’s deputy. The client said that she had two abortions before her son, a miscarriage and two more abortions after his birth. When the missing number of children was introduced, everyone felt better. The substitute child looked at them with love, he was very happy and felt absolutely happy. The mother remembered how her son repeatedly communicated with invisible friends in his games, and she was sure that they were the figments of his imagination due to the lack of real friends, and now she was able to see how things really are.

She was asked to enter the constellation herself, to look at her children, and she could see how difficult it was for her to take every step, but when she was able to say: “You are my children, and I am your mother,” the “children” rushed to her, and she I was able to fully surrender to my feelings. While she cried and hugged her unborn children, her son cautiously began to approach other children, and this time they allowed him to.

Another client made a request that her partnerships were not working out in any way, and that her relationship with children was not the best. When she arranged her family with the help of her deputies, it became obvious that the woman's focus of attention was in a completely different place - she was looking at a place on the floor; When the deputy was put in this place, the client's deputy came up to him, lay down beside him, hugged him and closed her eyes. She hugged him the way a mother hugs a child, and the deputy lay down in the fetal position. The eldest daughter quietly approached them and lay down beside them. When his son also wanted to follow them, his father stopped him.
It turned out that this was the stillborn child of this woman from her first marriage. She only knows that it was a girl, and the doctors did not even show her to her mother. When the woman was able to look at her child and admit that she did not cry for her heartily, the atmosphere of tension and pain that all substitutes felt began to change. The client gave her daughter a name and promised that she would give her one day of her life: she said that she would take her hand and show her Kiev, that they would go to a children's store, and she would be able to choose a toy for herself, and then they would go to the circus (namely the unborn girl wanted to go there). And only after that, the woman was able to truly see her daughter, son and husband, before that she felt like in a veil. The client's first husband was introduced into the constellation, the son from the second marriage felt a connection with him. The woman said that indeed he behaves as if he were her partner and not her son. He tried to look after her, always paid attention to how she was dressed, once even said that when he grows up, he will marry her. The first husband in this system was also excluded, and the client's son took his place. The children did not know about the client's first marriage, as well as about their stillborn sister.

The woman was able to look her ex-husband in the eyes and say that now their daughter has a name, thank him for everything and turn to her family.

The husband stood with their two children and was glad that now she would be with them. In life, he really told his wife that he did not feel her, that she was somewhere not here, which caused her irritation and misunderstanding. In this arrangement, we saw that part of the client's heart remained in her past, which was closed and forgotten along with the pain that remained unlived. The eldest daughter followed her and for this reason she had poor health and a weakened immune system. The son took the place of the first husband, so the whole old family was "assembled". And only the current husband was left alone - there was no place for him, which affected the partnership.

In fact, the theme of unborn children is much deeper - it is endless, like life itself in all its manifestations. And each story requires its own approach and its own unique solution. One thing is important: everyone has their own place in the system and we must live our life being on it - this guarantees us support and the ability to cope with everything that is in store for us by our destiny. To do this, you need to open your heart to everyone who has ever belonged to our system and give them a place. Then the dead will remain in the world of the dead, and we will not have the need to live someone else's life.

Mom, hello, wonderful morning!

Did I bother you sleeping?

I will grow up - I will be strong and wise,

I will guard your sleep.

Mom, look, here's my little finger!

Mom, it's good with you!

Mom, you know I seem to be a boy!

I will be like dad, big ...

Mama, you know I heard today

The new word is "abortion" ...

Mom, why does someone's fingers hurt so much

Is your belly pressed?

Don't touch your mother, uncles and aunts!

You won't go to heaven

If you accidentally kill your mom!

Mommy, don't die!

Mom, tell them to stop!

Mom, where does the light come from?

Mom, it hurts, where am I being pulled ?!

Mom! .. I am no more ...

Mom calls her close friend:

"Well, everything went well ...

I'll lie down for the day and have a party

And let's take another walk ... "

I am an unborn child.
I am a rootless soul named No.
I am a prickly chill in the soul of a doctor.
A knot cut from the shoulder by people.

May it be easy for you, father and mother,
Live like everyone else and understand nothing.
Anyway, I love you the most,
Even if you have forgotten this sin. "

Anna Orlova-Novopoltseva

He was running away ... people were shooting at him ...
Falling with a paw into loose snow,
The wolf knew for sure: there would be no salvation
And there is no beast worse than a man.
And at this moment, hundreds of kilometers away,
A terrible sentence was carried out:
The little girl is out there somewhere
Already the fourth had an abortion.
The kid was screaming !!! But no one listened to the cry.
He called for help: “Mommy, wait!
Give me a chance to be needed!
Give me the opportunity to live! I'm alive !!! "
And the wolf ran ... The dogs tore their throats ...
Drunk people shouted in the woods
They almost completely caught up with him,
The wolf raised his face and brushed away a tear ...
The kid screamed, bursting into tears,
How terrible it is to die without being born!
And trying to hide from the piece of iron,
He dreamed of looking into his mother's eyes.
But the "mom" does not need it -
It has become not fashionable, you see, to give birth!
She spends her soul on stupidity
It's so easy to kill your children.
And the wolf fell exhausted ... It was necessary -
He took the barbarians away from the she-wolf -
She was left alone with the wolves,
When he took over the verdict ...
Dogs tore his body to shreds
But only the soul of a wolf cannot be torn!
His happy soul rushed to the sky -
For the sake of children, it makes sense to die !!!
And who, tell me, is the beast really?
And why is this age disgusting?
And the animals just became more human,
And there is no beast worse than a man!

About the unborn child

I was taken out by the doctor was a sharp spoon
In a bloody slurry.
I so wanted to live a little more ...
What if he survived?
I wanted to look at the light, to see the sky.
What is it?
Why was I killed like this ridiculous
By your hand?
I'm lying in a basin, smeared with lumps
With thick blood.
And I wanted to snuggle up to my mother at least once,
Warm with love.
I know that you did not want me -
I was a burden.
At sixteen, you didn't know yet
Such a load.
You so wanted to merge with this guy -
Love is boundless.
But I knew what should appear
I am inevitable.
And now you lie in the illuminated hall
In the silence of the hospital.
The doctors have already signed the verdict for me -
I will not be born.
I lie in the tray - a tiny lump,
Only five grams ...
A dumb question, frozen between the lines:
WHAT FOR, MOTHER? !!
Alexander Tansky

Flight is assigned to the wings,
So it was from the beginning and up to now.
Don't cry if God gives
It is much more terrible if He takes away.

Life rules in different ways,
And I have no right to condemn.
But it is better to give up the living,
Than forever remember how she killed ...

On the glass, like a small candle,
The baby's soul has taken hold.
They cut off the life of the little man.
Didn't give birth to a baby somewhere.

The Angel of the unborn children is crying.
The surgeon's forehead was already sweating.
Scratching from scraping cells ...
The coffin is not hammered together for the baby.

Lord, what's going on?
Where is the edge of the dishonor of passions?
How can a wild tigress
Killing children in infancy?

Does a dog beat cubs
Or throw in the trash to die?
People, you are scarier than a ghoul
If the mother kills the children.

On the glass, like a small candle,
The baby's soul has taken hold.
Have pity, people, little man,
Your own baby.
Lyudmila Larkina

The old woman walked alone
Across the yard, on the way home.
A little further away, a little girl
Frightened by a lame dog:

Sobbed loudly, trembled;
The doll Masha clasped to the chest,
I ran up to my mother
Shouting: "Mommy, protect!"

Mom smiled at her daughter
She took a bite, bending over.
And the old woman suddenly staggered
And she settled down, holding on to her heart.

Not a surprise in that screaming bell
Completed a break in my chest -
A phrase spoken by a child
She reminded her of the past:

Years of careless youth ...
He instilled confidence in her;
He spoke about love of the heart,
But having learned about the "belly" - he ran away.

"If he doesn't need care,
That for me too, ”reasoned the mother.
And inside, someone is inconspicuous
He made it clear about himself:

“This is me, this is your child.
You don't see, but you can find out.
Be patient, I will gain strength,
To hug you soon.

In this difficult moment of life
Neither father nor yourself do not.
I will smile at you
On the crib in the rays of dawn.

I will only ask you for affection -
Let at least occasionally, before going to bed
Read me a fairy tale from a book:
"Teremok", or "Cat's House".

You won't notice how growing
I will become your assistant.
I love you darling
I will be in joy and in trouble ... "

She wanted to "free herself" ...
Anesthesia is given and a doctor approaches.
But suddenly, through a dream, the girl
I heard the baby crying.

What seemed completely irrelevant
That moaned, screamed in the chest:
“No, don’t! .. Please! .. I’m scared! ..
Mom, mommy, protect! .. "

On that rainy autumn evening
The girl couldn't sleep at home:
No more childish speech is heard, -
Something in my heart snapped.

After - life, as if the third grade.
Alone, she began to grow old.
And don't be a fatal abortion,
I could have had grandchildren ...

But today, in an instant
It fell like thunder again
That distant crime
What she secretly hid in herself ...

The compassionate people gathered:
Validol was put in the mouth;
The guy tried to call the doctors,
By dialing a simple code.

People waiting for doctors
Contemplated, unable to leave,
How unhappy, dying,
Repeated: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry ..."

Suddenly the folds of the skin smoothed out
And the peace on his face froze.
And a passerby said from the crowd:
"Someone seems to have forgiven her."

You don't need this, girls!
Don't be so terribly stubborn!
After all, every cell
She cries out to you tearfully: “Mom!

You let me be born, grow up
I will be obedient - really.
After all, you cannot bear
Torment and sorrow of hell!

And together we will have fun.
You know you'll be happy
When you start singing me songs
Look me in the eyes sympathetically.

Do you hear, mom, dear ?!
Don't, don't listen to the doctor
Do not be afraid of him, grumpy,
And his heart is cold. "

Oh, dear ones, come to your senses!
After all, it has been bequeathed to us for centuries:
Sins of Unreasonable Youth
Only in children will a woman be forgiven.

Unbirthday
The day you realized
What's inside my son
Like a thin needle
I dug into your temple:
“No, he is not needed at all,
Later, maybe ...
All in credits, why
Procreate poverty? "
And he had dreams, he slept -
A field in cornflowers
He ran and froze
In my mother's arms.
You were like that yourself
Thirty years ago.
Why is your angel crying,
Downcast eyes?
Don't kill, he's yours now,
Well, imagine how he
Smiles at you
Asks for milk.
Proud, no pity
We do not hear in the noise of the day:
“Mommy please
Do not kill me..."
But the scaffold is waiting for an armchair,
Thoughts are infernal captivity.
Will take his son's life
Cold tool.
He accepted death without guilt,
Not having time to live
Long, long in your dreams
Will come.
Smiles: “Mom, I'm here,
Mom, I'm alive
On the other side of heaven
I'll meet you. "

Mommy, don't touch your tummy!

Honey, it hurts when you

So rudely hit me in the nose.

After all, I have your features!

Forgive me, my dear,

That I really interfere with your life.

You don't love me, I know everything

Maybe you can still love?

I will love you so much!

I'll get strong, I'll grow up.

Mom, I will never forget

Your affection, tenderness, kindness.

Mommy, let me at least see

Your beautiful brown eyes.

Stop hating me

Mom, you can't kill me!

Who will love you so much as I?

Who will go in defense for you?

If the hardest day comes?

Who will save you from troubles, adversity?

Believe me, I know it for sure

When I come to light,

You will see me darling

And all the hatred and sadness will pass.

Mommy, I would hate so much

That I lay in a basin in blood.

What if I didn't even have

Small coffin, earth.

What I've done? What am I guilty of?

Why don't I deserve to live?

I already exist, and I am capable,

Feel you, regret, love!

If, mom, you have already decided

That you will kill me

Know that with all my strength,

I will scream from pain, from resentment,

I don't want to die like that.

I haven't even seen my mom

I wanted to hug you so much!

If, mom, you have already decided

That you will kill me

Know, forgive for what you killed,

I will come to your dream and hug!

Olga Shcherbitova

Let's legalize death!
Let's legalize death!
There are so many objectionable people in the world;
Petty and spiteful people;
Why do we have to endure this rabble?
Let's just execute them:
Tramps, homeless people, different freaks,
Ugly pensioners,
After all, it will become easier for us and for them.
Do you hear the word "execution" jarring?
Well, let's encrypt;
We do not execute, but quarter.
All the same, our people are deaf!
We'll just throw it overboard;
Everything that we don’t need in life;
Let us free ourselves innocently;
From unwanted worries.
I think like a fascist ?!
Excuse me, people, aren't you;
The murder has already been approved,
Those who are holy and pure before you?
Aren't you like appendicitis
Repeatedly removed
Children whose life you allowed
In a fit of passion, throwing off shame?
In five minutes of such pleasures
Quite a terrible payback:
Quarter the innocent
And take a terrible sin on your soul?
And it was not an embryo
Sorry, and not humanoid.
You have executed a living child,
The child was thrown out.
You probably didn't know
That spirit is given to man
At the moment of merging of two cells.
Since then he has been, since then he has been alive.
Not you, but God gives life.
What right did you have
To conceive a child in yourself first,
And then it's so easy to kill.
In these few weeks
He got used to you in spirit, believe me,
He, like you, was afraid of death ...
But what can we say now!
God created creatures and people
Calling people the crown of creation.
And there is no creature more perfect ...
Than the mother who killed the children ..?
Sex between husband and wife
Not entertainment, but a shrine!
Negligence is unacceptable here,
Order reigns in everything.
And your "random" embryo,
It is not by chance that it comes to you,
God himself trusts him,
You are honored by HE !!!

Mom, why did you kill me?
I wanted to breathe air with you.
You ruined the born soul
And you yourself will begin to suffer all your life.

Why, carrying me under your heart,
Have you decided to run away from fate?
Feel like an unborn little body,
The doctor is in you, he will tear with iron!

Why? For what? This is the fate
Without being born, die immediately.
In the throes of scarlet blood flowing,
Mom, don't be silent! Tell! Answer!

I remember my mother's words:
“There was a war.
The mother has four mouths left
Feed one.

No one will support the widow
Shoulder in trouble
And all the help is a vegetable garden,
Yes, there is still a forest.

Mother kept a lump of sugar.
On red days
Lick it a little
She gave us

And, like a shrine, in a canvas
Yes, under lock and key ...
How we lived then - enemies
God forbid.

But there was nothing left to give us
In a hungry year.
A mother fell before the icon:
“Forgive me, Lord!

How my children are tormented,
Take a look, I pray!
Take the younger one to Yourself -
I will not feed ... "

She wept and lay down -
And he sees a dream:
The nun entered the hut,
Bows down

And he says: “About death is a sin
To pray to the Creator.
My son is the least of all
To live in the world. "

Jumping up, mother rushed to the stove,
Where did we sleep
And cries out loud, and shouts:
"Son, live!"

Kisses in fear toddler
In the eyes and forehead:
“I, sinful, have lost my mind!
Live, sonny !!!

Forgive me, Lord, it is a grave sin for me,
Save the children! "...
She raised us all ...
Thanks her..."

We are educated, smart
In the prime of days
Dressed, full and drunk -
And without children.

And neither people are afraid of us,
Not God's judgment ...
But wartime mothers
They won't understand us ...

The day before

It's easier for a woman to caress, hug,
Sing, dance, have fun ...
If something happens, you want to take responsibility?
Continue your family or accept all the troubles?
Where there! You better hide!

- Let all the grief to her, but I have something to do with it?
You are the only one to blame for everything.
You yourself are stupid, you could not protect yourself ...
Just think, it hurts! It's not forever ...

But is it really possible to compare wounds, pain and souls!
What a pity with the order to kill the life in yourself,
My dear blood, very young ...

Obediently I go to destroy her.
Should I joke with the executioner doctor?

Here's a bed in the hospital, it's scary, believe me.
Like an ostrich in the sand, the beast hides its head.
I lie and wait for the door to open.
Like a thief and a robber he is lying to himself: "Do not believe."

A hundred times the door will open, the "mothers" come in.
And a hundred times I shudder - they don't come for me.
A monstrous act, the thought is black, does not pass ...
And the baby's life is leaving with bitter pain!

Well, they called, and my heart is beating,
But whether it is for me to decide: I will live or not live.
No one ever gives guarantees,
Such is the proportion of murderers: life is a disaster.

I pray and ask someone: "You live",
But immediately the order - I hear: "Breathe deeper!"
I force myself: sleep soon!
But no, the mask of devils does not take me.

No nightmares, no grave pulls
Only pain is intolerable, but I am patient ...

Everything is over! They pick me up quickly
The vacancy is immediately occupied by mine.
They lift me up, put me in a gurney,
They are driven and, sympathetic, they wipe the sweat ...

But am I glad that I survived?
A family broke up overnight
Made the pain hate you
A prison bench awaits in punishment.

They killed with you and "decided" life,
Love was buried in an unknown grave.
The arms and legs remained there,
They will never run, never say.

And all my life I can’t hold back my tears
Mortally mistaken, we have to wind our time.

T. Lavrushina

A woman was walking for an operation -
A lot of people do this.
She decided to leave
With a piece of my flesh.
I decided that it would be better this way ...
You cannot dissuade her.
She chose not to listen
As an unborn baby screams.
“Now I'm just a ball
And I can't speak.
But believe and the ball wants
Like you, he wants to live too.
You don't know me yet.
Save my life, I pray.
Why are you killing me?
After all, I already love you.
Mom, I will become a poet
And I'll write poems for you.
Mom, don't do this!
I pray to you, I ask you.
For a doctor, I'm just a clump of cells
Which can be easily removed.
Mom, don't do this.
I want to be born and live.
My eyes are blue
And the voice and skin in you
And thoughts are already alive ... "
A child screamed in the womb.
"I am flowers on the eighth of March
I will give it to you.
Mom, please don't!
Don't tear the thread of my life.
And if I'm a girl
I'll learn everything from you
Cooking and washing dishes.
I swear it to you.
My heart is already beating
There are handles and legs.
I won't take a lot of space
And I won't be here long.
I haven't seen sunsets yet
And zebra, and forest, and rains ...
Mom, please don't!
Mommy, have mercy ...

- What fluffy clouds today!
But they are far away
- they cannot ascend to Paradise ...
See the plane of them
comes out like cotton wool.
Oh, it's a pity - I didn't become a pilot,
like my grandfather dreamed, flying ...
- And I did not become a writer ...
- And I did not become a judge ...
- And I won't be an actress -
beautiful, like mom ...
- You call it mom?
She is with you ...!
- I’m with her all the time,
and there is not a single gram of anger.
- And I don't "touch" mine ...
I forgot everything - and to hell with her!
- Oh no!
Mine - everything repents ...
Poor thing, crying in the Temple.
The reasons were apparently ...
Father made - callous ...
I would have flesh for just a minute
To just snuggle up to mom.
- And I "follow" my brother -
baby is so funny
All freckled, redhead -
Antoshka "tili-tili" ...
And everything is forgiven him ...
Now he is in charge of the house ...
What a bike he got recently!
- And my parents will no longer have children ...
Now, instead of me, they have a beautiful dog ...
And how am I worse?
They must be strange people ...
But I saw how my dad
Cried one night ...
- Look, we have a new one -
roars like everyone else - at first ...
What are you? Hush, dear,
not accepted by the land ...
- Forget ... Calm down ...
- I was torn to pieces!
Oh, it hurts, God!
- We all went through this.

We all were once betrayed
Burying Love in the grave
For the fact that we are at the wrong time ...
Accidentally ... Yes, not in a line ...
Is there really not enough space for us on earth?
A sip of water
The sun, but a piece of bread?
Natalia Grigorieva

Learn How to Create a Happy Family: Online Course

 ( ((Dmitry Semenik)
Father's Struggle: The Dangerous Mifepristone Tablet ( Carol Mizers)

Prologue

From January 6 to January 7, on the most festive night for the entire Orthodox world, Katya was holding her newborn daughter, Mashenka, in her arms. In the ward, where all the women in labor were already asleep, and their babies were snoring peacefully - having made the first and most important path in life - from mother's tummies to the white light, Catherine spent the first hours with her long-awaited, so long-awaited, so desired baby.

She sat, not letting go of her, as if afraid that Mashenka (as she called her pride) would suddenly disappear. In the light of the lantern shining in the hospital window, Katya looked with affection at her tiny face, small nose, cheeks, closed eyes with beautiful long eyelashes, lips, everything seemed so perfect. "I was waiting for you for so long!",- holding back tears, whispered happy mom. And lifting her eyes up, she mentally said, - "Thanks to!!!" to the one whom she accused, and cursed, and asked, and thanked all these years. Pictures of the years lived, the trials passed, the stories of despair and humility ran before her eyes. All this, now, when on her hands, the most important gift presented by fate was snoring, it seemed not an accident. Now everything she had experienced was being revealed in a different light, like the road she had been taken to make her stronger, wiser and more tolerant. But the most important gift that she received with her baby was the ability to appreciate such a gift from heaven as the birth of a Child.

Svetochka

Katyushka grew up as an obedient and sweet girl, making mom and dad happy. After graduating from school, she left for another city, entered the institute, after which she returned to her parents. I met my one and only - Slava, got married.

Everything was going well - she and her husband bought an apartment, Katya had an interesting and well-paid job, with the prospect of career growth. Relationships among the young were developing perfectly, it seemed they were simply made for each other. They always had many friends in their house, in the summer they preferred outdoor activities - they rafted along the rivers, climbed the mountains. Life was interesting, but at the same time it did not bring any unpleasant surprises.

Having lived together for 3 years, the young couple began to think, as it should be about children. Katerina would have made an excellent mother, she was calm and very kind, no one has ever seen her irritated or angry. It seemed to such a woman that fate was simply written to become a wonderful mother.

When the test showed the cherished two stripes, everything in the life of Slava and Katya changed. They read books about pregnancy, ate only healthy food, did gymnastics, and walked a lot. Every evening, going to bed, they talked about Svetochka (Katya, for some reason, was sure that she was waiting for Svetochka). They imagined what she would be like, how they would walk with her, bathe, feed her.

Katya spent hours talking with the baby, repeating how she was waiting and loving her. Together they went to swim in the pool, listened to classics and children's stories. Observing her friends who had children, she noted that since Lena, she would not talk to her baby, she would not punish the way Tanya did, she was not going to celebrate birthdays the way Oksana did. Even on the street watching mothers with children, she always knew what she would not be - especially if a scene with a roar or punishment unfolded in front of her eyes. Although the belly was not yet noticeable, all the acquaintances immediately understood, although they did not show the appearance that Catherine was pregnant. She radiated such light and calmness, her face was so spiritualized and happy that there was no doubt.

At 12 weeks old, Katyusha and her husband went to the first ultrasound scan. It's one thing to imagine that a little man is growing in your belly, it's another to see it with your own eyes. It is so surprising that the strawberry-sized "button" already had legs, arms and even fingers, a heart was pounding. Katka even burst into tears, it turned out to be so exciting to see her little MIRACLE floating inside her. The doctor assured that everything is normal, the fetus is developing, according to the development schedule and there are no pathologies. The word - fruit, somehow even cut Katya's ear - for her it was not a fruit, it was her little princess, her Svetochka.On the way home, the happy parents bought a cake and in the evening over tea they only discussed what legs and what hands their baby had, and how smart their little Svetochka was.

***

At night, Katya woke up from a dull aching pain in the lower abdomen, woke her husband up. Slava called an ambulance and tried to calm his wife. Katya, however, could not find a place for herself, such fear rolled over her in waves that her heart began to pound quickly, quickly. She grabbed the printed prayers for pregnant women from the table and began to read them without stopping. An ambulance arrived, Katya was taken to the hospital, and Slava, unable to find a place for himself, followed.

Already in the hospital, Katerina had a miscarriage, she was cleaned and left until morning. Whether walking away from anesthesia, or in a dream, Katya saw a little girl walking up the road somewhere, turning, and smiling, waving her hand. The next morning, Katya woke up in the ward, where three women were lying in custody, they all looked at her sympathetically, saying some words to her. But she, turning to the wall, cried, mourning her unborn girl, whom she would never braid, never wear a beautiful dress, which she would never sing a lullaby to. Katya felt such pain and emptiness that it seemed to her that women who sympathized with her were rejoicing in their souls, each thinking at the same time - "Thank God it didn't happen to me."

Katya lay and dreamed of only one thing, so that Slava would take her home as soon as possible. After the examination, the doctor discharged Katya, and she returned home. The first thing that caught my eye were books and magazines about pregnancy and motherhood, little booties, which I bought on a whim from some grandmother on the market, and an ultrasound photograph of their little Svetochka. Slava brought a box from the balcony, put everything there, seeing the state of his wife, decided to remove things reminiscent of this tragedy.

Katya went to doctors, trying to find out the reasons for the miscarriage, took tests - there was only one answer - "You are doing well, we cannot determine the reason ..."

After talking with her husband, they decided to undergo an examination at a clinic in the capital. Before leaving, Katya, cleaning the apartment, went to her neighbor, grandmother Raya, to give some food.

Raya's grandmother had 5 children and 7 grandchildren, who often came to visit, visited the old woman. She was a very kind and very religious woman. After drinking tea, Raya's grandmother blessed Katya, sympathizing and very sympathetic to this young, cheerful woman. Already leaving, Katya stopped on the threshold and asked: "Raya's grandmother, where do the unborn babies go?" And I told her a dream that I had in the hospital. "Oh, baby, I don't even know, but the priest in our church probably knows."- She answered and began, as always, to talk about the new priest, in which, judging by the stories, the whole flock does not like the soul. Katya politely interrupted the conversation, referring to the preparations.

In an expensive clinic in Moscow, after a full examination and all kinds of tests, the verdict was the same as at home - "Are you OK. But we recommend to be closely monitored during the next pregnancy. "

Katya and Slava returned, gradually the pain of the loss subsided, life went on as usual. At work, Katya was promoted, everything was going well.

Anya

A year passed, Katya and Slava decided to try one more time. As soon as his wife had a delay, Slava rushed to the pharmacy for tests. Coming out of the toilet, Katya said with tears in her eyes - "Happened!".

Now Katya took care of herself like a porcelain vase. Slava even bought her a dishwasher in order to somehow protect his beloved woman from worries. They waited very excitedly for 12 weeks, with a sinking heart, fearing a repetition. This time Katya did not give a name to her baby, fearing to run ahead.

On the second ultrasound, she was told that she was expecting a girl. Fears were left behind, and Katyusha began to call her little girl Anechka. She looked at women with children, and repeated to herself: "Anechka, I will be the best mother in the world for you."

The baby has already begun to move inside, for Katya it was just a miracle, she always froze at these moments, afraid to miss even the slightest push. She learned Anechka's daily routine, tried to go to bed herself when her daughter was sleeping or at rest, so as not to suddenly wake up the baby.

***

Everything happened unexpectedly: on the 22nd week, labor began, Katya was admitted to the hospital. With eyes full of horror, she grabbed the doctors by the arms and shouted: “Save my child !!! Save Anya !!! Help my baby !!! " Alas, they could not stop the sudden onset of generic activity. Anya was born a stillborn child.

Katya begged to show her daughter, but they wrapped her up and carried her away, explaining that she was not supposed to. She was left alone, lying on the delivery table in the delivery room, having not given birth to a child. The nurse, who was cleaning the floor, for some reason opened the window and left, it became very cold, and Katerina felt how this cold penetrates into every part of her soul and heart, freezing her feelings.

The chilling truth that she had lost her second child slowly dawned on her mind. Suddenly, unable to restrain herself any longer, she burst into tears, screamed, out of pain, resentment, self-pity, for Anya, for Slava. She so wanted to become small, to crawl into her mother's arms and hug her, to forget about everything.

Katya was injected with a strong sedative and at night she had the same dream again, her girl, her little Anya, left her forever. Only instead of waving her hand, the girl said: "Please understand!"

Returning from the hospital, Katya did not want to stay at home for a day and went to work. Tactful colleagues tried not to touch on the topic of children at all in her presence. Katya, no matter how hard she tried, could not cope with her pain. She stopped communicating with her friends who had children, switched the TV if they suddenly showed a nice little one. Slava saw how his wife was tormented, more than once offered to discuss everything, advised to speak out, cry out, but she only answered him: "You can not understand!" Thus erecting a huge wall between them.

***

3 months have passed. One Sunday morning, Raya's grandmother rang at the door, she said to Katherine: "Get dressed, let's go!" Katya dressed and went without asking.

Grandmother took her to church, to the service. Father Michael, the same one that the neighbor was constantly talking about, met him at the entrance. He greeted Katya and smiled, and her eyes even stung from the tears that were coming - there was so much warmth and so much love and kindness in the father's eyes that Katyusha's frozen heart responded. She read stories about saints, but here she saw with her own eyes how a person seemed to glow from within.

Throughout the service, Katya's involuntary tears flowed, purifying her soul, washing away despair and pain. Then, going up to Father Michael, she asked:

- Father, tell me, where do the unborn children go?

- Sinless souls go to Paradise. Become angels, ”he replied and smiled.

The first night after the tragedy, Katya slept sweetly, without nightmares. She began to come to church often - either just to sit, then to light a candle, then to listen to the priest. My soul became calmer. She again went through all the examinations and this time the doctors suggested that the premature birth was probably caused by the weakness of the muscles of the uterus, which did not hold the growing baby.

Tanyusha

Another year passed. Slava and Katya bought a new 3-room apartment and a car. Slava defended his dissertation, Katya was made head of the department. They went to church together every Sunday. Only sometimes, when meeting with couples with wheelchairs, Katya's heart ached. And yet Katerina decided to take the risk.

She often went to church, talked with Father Mikhail.

Everything went great, without pathologies, the baby moved, the X hour approached (the period during which she lost Anya). Father Mikhail said that one must believe - and Katya believed. She was registered in the best clinic, the entire pregnancy took place under the vigilant supervision of doctors. Katya believed when the contractions began again ahead of time, believed that they would certainly help her, believed to the last.

***

The baby was born alive, but premature at such a time that no one began to revive her. Katya saw her blond girl dying on the next table within 3 minutes. She screamed, rushed to her, bit the doctors, she fought, scratched like an animal - but realizing that everything was over, she fell into unconsciousness.

And again the vision repeated, for the third time her girl left her, now the baby cried herself, repeating: "You will understand!"

This was the last, it seemed, the most cruel blow, Katya withdrew into herself. When her husband came for her, with difficulty holding back tears, she asked to take her to church right now. Slava was even delighted, thinking that it was good - maybe faith will help her.

Katya, getting out of the car, ran to the door of the church, ran inside, not seeing anything around, she, pushing the parishioners, rushed to the altar. Running up, she, looking at the icon of the Savior, cried out with all the strength of her lungs so that He would hear:

- WHAT ARE YOU SO WITH ME FOR ?! WHAT HAVE I DONE SO SCARY THAT YOU PUNISH ME SO? WHY ARE YOU KILLING MY GIRLS? YOU, WHICH ARE NOT THINKING, GIVE CHILDREN TO DRUG ADDICTS, THROWING THEIR OUT IMMEDIATELY TO CLEAN !!!

Her husband and father Mikhail ran up to her, they tried to drag her away by force, but Katya struggled, not hearing anything. She turned to the numb people who had come to the service and shouted to them:

- Who are you praying to? From whom do you ask? He plays with us like with dolls, tearing off legs, tearing out hearts !!!

She was nevertheless taken to the priest's room at the church. Katya cried for a long time, whispering: "For what? For what? For what?"

Father Mikhail stroked her head, knowing that any words were useless now. How much grief he saw every day, how much pain people bring to church ... After all, when everything is good, they do not often come with it, but when it is bad, the soul seeks answers and brings a person to God. Once he, having lost his family, came for answers. Then, his future mentor, said:

- DO NOT LOOK FOR ANSWERS FROM GOD, LOOK FOR THEM IN YOURSELF. THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN SEEK IN YOURSELF. And PAIN - IT ALWAYS CLEANSES, IT REMOVES UNNECESSARY GROWTH FROM OUR SOUL. SOMETIMES IT WAS ONLY SENSE TO CARRY OUT YOUR BURDEN. AND REMEMBER, THE LORD, ALWAYS GIVES A MAN, EXACTLY AS MUCH AS IT IS ABLE TO ENDURE - BOTH GOOD AND BAD.

The first thing that Katya saw when she woke up was the father's eyes glowing from within. She vaguely remembered what she was doing in church, but that was enough to make her blush with shame. "Yes, it is full of you, the Lord has not seen such things",- Father Michael said, smiling, - "And people will forget, don't worry." Here he repeated to Katya word for word what his mentor had once told him.

Epilogue

Katya was looking for an answer for a long time, knowing that she was not destined to give birth to a child until she found him. She got up with this question and went to bed with it, sometimes it seemed to her just about and she would understand why it happened. And somehow, looking at some kind of program, catching a glimpse of the phrase: "Do not think that you are better than others ...", it suddenly dawned on her: PRIDE! and CONDEMNATION !!! This is what she was punished for, this is what they wanted to show - she remembered how she condemned all her friends for mistreating children, she remembered her conviction that only she would be the best mother, that God, they say, gives children to women unworthy of this gift.

Katya rushed to confession and told everything to Father Mikhail, she was so happy that she found the answer, that she finally understood what her little girl's soul asked for, who chose Katya as her mother (for some reason she really wanted to believe that 3 her unborn babies had one soul).

Father, after Katya left, he sat for a long time and smiled, he blessed Katyusha and knew that now everything would be fine. "God works in mysterious ways!" - he thought, as he always admired the deeds of the One whom he so believed.

Seeing Katya's husband from afar, Father understood everything, and once again thanked the Creator.

After 5 days, the happiest mother and her little Mashenka were discharged home, the proud father, not holding back tears, took his long-awaited daughter with trembling hands for the first time in his life.

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