It's hard with three children. Where are two, is there a third? State benefits for large families

The system of state, regional and local measures to support motherhood and childhood is aimed at encouraging the birth of every baby. The number and composition of possible benefits increase significantly if a third child appears in the family.

Download for viewing and printing:

State support measures

A large family has the right to use various support measures that are directly related to the birth of a third baby.

They include:

• benefits at the birth of 3 children for free re-registration of rights to a land plot;
• benefits for families with two and more children with participation in mortgage lending programs:the period from 01.01.2018 to 31.12.2022 in the Russian Federation there is a federal program of preferential mortgage lending with state subsidized interest at a rate of over 6%;
• benefits for 3 children on utility bills;
• early retirement of mom;
• priority measures in the educational process;
• priority drug provision;
• free or preferential right to visit theaters, museums, exhibitions.

Grounds for obtaining benefits

At the birth of a third child, benefits are directly related to the assignment of the status of large families. Since the presence of three minor children, in most regions of the country, gives parents the right to be considered a large family, this legal status must be confirmed by obtaining the corresponding document.

Attention! Such confirmation is carried out in the bodies of social protection of the population by issuing an appropriate certificate or certificate.

The status, which gives the right to the implementation of benefits of any level, retains legal significance until the children reach the age of 16 or 18 years (age depends on the region of residence and is regulated by local legislation). After the onset of the specified age, at least one of the three minor children, the right to benefits provided earlier, is lost, provided that there are fewer than three minor children in the family.

What are the payments for the birth of a third child?

As with the birth of every previous newborn, parents have the right to receive the following compensation payments:

• a lump sum for the birth of a child;
• monthly childcare allowance.

These types of payments are guaranteed and are established at the birth of each citizen.

In addition, a certificate for a mother capital can be a benefit for families with 3 children, if citizens did not participate in this program after the birth of the second minor.

Attention! At the regional or local level payments of a one-time or monthly nature may be provided upon the birth of a third child.

Their composition must be clarified at the place of residence with the social protection authorities or local administrations.

Provision of a land plot

The most significant measure of support is the opportunity to obtain ownership of a land plot free of charge from a municipal or state fund.

The third child in the family gives all family members the opportunity to participate in the implementation of this benefit, i.e. the land allotment will be registered in the ownership of not only the newborn, but also the rest of the children, including adults, as well as their parents.

Do you need on this issue? and our lawyers will contact you shortly.

How to get a plot

If 3 children are born in the family, in order to implement the benefits for the free acquisition of rights to a land plot, the following steps must be performed:

• contact the local authority authorized to allocate land;
• submit a mandatory package of documents, including birth certificates and passports;
• draw up cadastral documentation for the site;
• receive an act of gratuitous transfer of a land plot on behalf of the head of a local authority;
• register ownership with the Rosreestr authorities.

Additional terms

1. If citizens already legally owned land (for example, on a lease basis), they will be able to re-register their rights to an existing plot or apply for a new allotment.
2. If there was no land in the possession at the time of the birth of the third baby, the procedure for implementing preferences will provide for the formation of a new plot and securing rights to it.
3. You will also need to confirm the existence of a marriage relationship between citizens, except in cases where minors are raised by only one parent.

Regional benefits

Let us consider what benefits at the birth of a third child can be realized by citizens, in addition to acquiring ownership of land.

At the local and regional level, citizens have the opportunity to implement the following areas:

• the priority right to the provision of places in preschool institutions;
• discount on utilities or refund of funds paid for housing and communal services through local bodies of social protection of the population (the amount of the discount can be up to 30%);
• provision of free meals in educational institutions and institutions of primary and secondary education;
• gratuitous nature of drug provision for minors under the age of 6 years;
• registration of free travel documents for minors, and in a number of regions - for all family members;
• monthly cash payments in the amount of living wage until the third child reaches 3 years of age;
• regional maternity capital at the birth of a third or fourth child;
• free education of children in art, sports, music schools;
• free provision of textbooks and other benefits.

Most of the social support measures are implemented precisely through these institutions, and the composition of these measures can change annually by the decision of local and regional authorities.

Another important support measure will be a tax rebate on a vehicle owned by one of the parents. The provision of this preference is carried out by the tax authority, subject to confirmation of the fact of the birth of a third baby.

Dear Readers!

We describe typical ways of resolving legal issues, but each case is unique and requires individual legal assistance.

For a prompt solution to your problem, we recommend that you contact qualified lawyers of our website.

Last changes

In 2018, the Government of the Russian Federation expanded the list of constituent entities of the Russian Federation that receive federal subsidies for the provision of monthly cash payments in the amount of the subsistence level
families with 3 or more children. Now there will be 60 such regions.

20 billion rubles of federal assistance to the budgets of the constituent entities of the Russian Federation for these purposes has already been included in the federal budget for next year.

Our experts monitor all changes in legislation in order to provide you with reliable information.

Subscribe to our updates!

Watch a video about the benefits of large families

May 28, 2017 12:42 pm

When you have only one child, you often get very tired. Because this jump - from no child to one - is the most difficult. The second, third - that's another story, too much is clear there. And with the first - it is often just a jump. Into emptiness.

Once I thought that with two children it is twice as difficult, with three - three times. I was wrong. It turned out that the most difficult thing is for the first time.
When the first child is born, we sacrifice our whole life to him, we try to do everything right, ideally. That is, our sacrifice is much more necessary.

At the same time, I really want to leave a place for my hobbies. And we are looking for opportunities to do what we like, but without it. We wait for him to fall asleep (counting convulsively for the minutes), we ask one or the other to sit with him. And his dream is worth its weight in gold for us. Every minute. Therefore, we try to go to bed early and to sleep longer. And if he does not fall asleep, it becomes a tragedy.

Our desires are not so complicated and strange. We want to quietly drink tea with buns, chat with friends, go somewhere with them, with my husband, continue doing what we love. And the kid doesn't fit into that. As it seems to us. Then we organize life around it. Around his regime, his needs, his desires. In this completely losing myself.

Of course, it's hard - I remember it from myself. Should fall asleep an hour after waking up - but he does not sleep! And what to do? Rocking! Rocking for two hours, sleeping forty minutes. Tired, annoyed ... you sit at home with him, because wherever you go with him - he still does not even sit. And the husband walks at strangers' weddings! Therefore, it seemed to me for a long time that one child would be enough for me.

I did not have time for anything - although I wanted so much! I had to work - I thought so. I wanted so many things! I couldn't even leave the house - Danya hated walks, the stroller was heavy, the fourth floor had no elevator! Therefore, I sat at home, counted his dreams, food, fulfilled the schedule, introduced complementary foods - well, it should already be interesting and varied sometime! In general, I did a lot of unnecessary things, in vain, and from this I got even more tired.

Now I have three of them. I have time for everything I want. Sometimes even more. Sometimes less. Sometimes nothing. I just live with children. The way it is today. Something has changed in my head that makes it easier to raise a third child. Millions of times. This setting has changed "What can I do without a child?" to "How can I do this with him?"

There are no such things that I gave up this time. I am not on a diet, although I am breastfeeding. For the first time I sat on one buckwheat - and the child's stomach hurt for the first six months constantly. Now I eat everything - and there are no rashes, no colic (only the first month I suffered a little). We traveled all pregnancy - up to 36 weeks. And only three weeks before giving birth, they temporarily landed. After giving birth, it took time for the paperwork and visas. But in his three months we flew back into the summer.

We just built it into our ordinary life... And he is not bored. Brothers and parents are constantly around. And he is interested. He swims in the pool even when the water is cold. And before, I would sit on the shore and be sad that everyone but me is in the water. Now we have found a way out - a circle around the neck - and into the water with everyone. I am near, but at this time I am swimming. It's the same everywhere. The sling frees my hands - and we can walk as before, go to the shops. There is nothing that I would deprive myself of.

When he is awake, he is by my side. While I cook, clean, communicate with his brothers, with my husband. He is with us all the time, he is not the navel of the universe. He is just one more person in our family. The smallest. Whom you can still cuddle, who still sleeps a lot, laughs contagiously and has a deep all-penetrating look.

Once a day I go for a walk - it is sports exercises - one. Without anyone. Although she could have been wearing a sling. And probably, if necessary, I will. Half an hour is enough for me to work out and get bored. And my husband copes with three for half an hour quite calmly.

There is nothing that I can look at and lick my lips. Worry that because of him I can not. Everything can be done with a child - I am convinced of this. And he is calmer, crying only on occasion. Not all the time on his hands, often lying on the mat and exercising. And around him events, activities are unfolding, life is in full swing.

So yes - three is easier. Because the elders by their very presence fascinate the baby, occupy his attention - even if they do not address him directly. Because I already have experience and understanding of what not to do. And because it is no longer possible to build the whole world around a baby - who does not need it.

And when the house suddenly becomes quiet - for example, the elders leave with dad to the store, Luka and I become sad, and even not at ease. When you have three children, left with one child, you end up in a sanatorium. This is both pleasant and useful. But at the same time, it's boring. I love our noise and din so much when there is a lot of children's laughter, voices, songs in the house. Yes, there are fights, tears, bruises, and resentment. It doesn’t tire me, it’s a continuation of the joyful part of motherhood.

For me big family Is happiness. When everyone is so different, but together. And they love each other. When the elder kisses the baby. When the middle one hugs the older brother before going to bed. When the kid gags and laughs at the songs of the middle brother. When we are all in bed together, dad and the elders are fighting, while the baby and I look and smile. When we all swim together. Or we go to the bathhouse. Or we host guests. Or we're going somewhere. Or we just eat ice cream, and the kid looks at us from his sun lounger.

For me, happiness looks like this. And with everyone next child it becomes easier and more interesting.

I had been planning to tell about it for a long time, but my hands could not reach it.

Every now and then I am asked what it is like with three children. This question is of interest to a wide variety of segments of the population:

Those who are only planning a third child in an indefinite future, but for now are stitched up with two,
- those who have only one child, and he hopes to hear that there is nothing with three, and decide on a second,
- those who are not planning anyone, but he is just curious how a mother with many children feels.

One child

I can definitely say this. The biggest difference is between zero children and one child. The difference is huge. The day your first child is born, your whole life changes completely. And this is not only sleepless nights, the smell of diapers in the house, the inability to go wherever you want with whoever you want and return at any time you want. This is a need to get used to the fact that there are now three of you. That you are not just a couple - you are a couple with a child. And the interests of this child must not only be taken into account, but sometimes put above their own. And not sometimes, but very often. Almost all the time :-)

A child is something that will bind you all your life, even if you get divorced. You can no longer just slam the door and leave, collecting your things, and then, according to the court, divide the wardrobe, TV and piano. You have to somehow build a relationship, because there is a child.

Two children

The birth of my second child reminds me of the landing of an airplane. The landing gear touches the ground, the plane shakes properly, and then it gradually slows down and stops.

The second child is a shake-up for the whole family. First, for the firstborn. Many first-borns then remember all their lives how they were not given, cheated, not bought, etc. The idyll in the family is over. Dad and mom, cooing tenderly over their chick, is a picture left in the past.

With two children, you can no longer calmly watch TV, read a book or lie in a fragrant bath while your spouse entertains the heir. A rare spouse will agree to entertain (and separate, and change clothes, etc., etc.) both while you cross stitch for an hour.

Another heavy "boom" that descends on your head is the need to share your love between two children. Your only sun, bunny, baby doll and baby, around which two parents and grandparents jumped around, is no longer the center of attention. Everything. I'm telling you that the good times are over :-)

But it's not for nothing that I drew an analogy with the landing of an airplane. When your family stops shaking, you will feel a smooth decrease in speed and bliss. You have reached a completely new level - the level of your parents (at least among my acquaintances, most have a brother or sister).

Now you are not just a family, but a family with two children. If the children are also heterosexual, then most will call you perfect family, you can now shoot ads for ketchup or bouillon cubes.

You will soon find yourself becoming calmer and calmer. Children (especially same-sex and with a small age difference) perfectly occupy each other, and at this time you can calmly drink tea and chat occasionally distracted by shouts of "mine! No, mine!" and trying to separate the kids.

In addition, when the second child appears, the mother no longer goes crazy, feeling herself trapped in four walls with crying baby... She now has an older son or daughter to talk to. Even with a three-year-old there is something to chat about, and even six-seven-year-olds, etc. - absolutely reasonable creatures, one might say, adults.

I still have a poor idea of ​​what two grown children are, but no matter how life turns out, a brother or sister is a dear person for life. Friends and spouses, unfortunately, have the opportunity to come and go, but a brother or sister is, so to speak, native blood. And if grown up children do not maintain a relationship, it is, I am almost convinced, the fault of the parents. And we, finding ourselves in the role of parents, must think about how not to bring our children to this.

Three children

Honestly, the appearance of a third child in the family may not be noticed :-) He changes the life of the parents so little in comparison with the first two children, that there is nothing to talk about.

If you have two children, then you have already deprived yourself of most of the pleasures - there is no need for a line of grandmothers who are ready to sit with two children to let you go to the theater or even to a trip abroad. It is rare that a grandmother will be enthusiastic about the idea of ​​sitting with two children while you have fun.

With one grandson (and even taking turns with his mother-in-law, if you are a mother-in-law) - why not stay? And with two - it's so much headache that not every grandmother can handle it. Grandmothers immediately begin to complain about age, poor health, nerves that cannot withstand screams and confusion in the house, so you, as parents of two children, are most likely not spoiled for rest, so the appearance of a third child will not change anything.

And you already have children's things full house There are more of these things than adults! And the parental experience is enough so as not to run to pediatrician with any pimple, temperature 36.7 or if the child does not eat well squash puree. And in order to establish breastfeeding, you no longer need to call your friends and consult on the forums, and you can probably dilute the mixture with your eyes closed, and change diapers without looking, and don’t iron diapers on both sides for a long time, and in general, and in general , and generally speaking.

However, not everything is so smooth. First, with the advent of the third child, the second turns into a sandwich child. He is sandwiched between the younger and the elder, and he needs a lot of attention, but how to give it if there are so many children at home. Spontaneity disappears from life completely. Everything, even attention, has to be planned, no matter how awful it sounds.

Secondly, once in the book "Is It Easy to Be a Dad" I read a wonderful statement by the father of three children: when there are two children, parents can cope with them one-on-one, when there are more than two children, the parents go into a perimeter defense.

And indeed it is. When the number of children exceeds the number of parents, you need to get used to it and learn to live with it. The times when dad reads a book to one child, and mom at this time bathes and feeds the second, are in the past.

If one child gets a book, it means that the second and the third need to be bathed and fed together, and if one of them wants to sleep, and the second does not want, then the first is left without a book and is offended. So, you need to try to quickly lay the second and return to the first, but while the second is being laid, the first and third will be furious, because it is impossible to occupy them with something at the same time.

Now imagine that all three children are small, and one parent puts them to bed in the evenings, because the second comes home late from work, and you will think hard about whether to give birth to three children :-)

How easy it was for me to mentally bear the birth of my third child, so physically it became difficult for me. If it is not easy to be torn between two children, then it is absolutely impossible to be torn between three children.

If your only child is swimming and needs to be taken to the pool twice a week, you can endure it somehow. And if three children are swimming, and everyone is in different time, which means that you need to go to the pool six times a week. And if a plus for this elder needs two times a week in karate, the middle one for music, and the younger one for drawing or English, you will understand why there is no free time with three children.

Somewhere in a parallel world people live who watch TV, read books, drink coffee leisurely, go for a walk without a baby carriage, do not get up at night, can invite friends to their place and sit quietly with them. With three small children, this world is completely inaccessible and only supports the idea that children will grow older, and then ...

If after the birth of your second child you understand how easy it was for you with one, then after the birth of the third it becomes quite clear to you that you shouldn't have complained about life, and having two children is very easy. And one child is not a problem at all. You can have a wonderful rest with one child.

But it’s not as scary as I’m telling you :-) Students have a proverb: "the first year you work for the record-book, the next years the record-book works for you."

To provide children with communication in a team, you no longer need to go out to the playground or endure different friends at home ;-) Some kind of team your children will have, of course, the older one suffers a little in this case, but the two younger ones are completely delighted and reach for the older one in development.

The main idea that I wanted to convey, answering the question "how is it - with three children?" Is that it is very easy to get used to the third child morally. But physically it is not easy. The last time I was so physically tired was when I entered the institute, and we were sent to a collective farm to harvest potatoes. From morning to evening we worked in the field, almost unbending. And in the evening they fell off their feet. That's how I feel for the last year - physically exhausted.

However, not everything is so scary here. You learn to rationally spend energy, time and other resources. You are glad when you succeed :-) You are glad that now you have not just a family, but a big family.

Once I read how to explain to a child that he will have a sister or brother if the child is worried that he will be loved less. You need to tell him that love is light. When you light another candle, there is more light. And when another child is born, there is more love.

Somehow it really is :-)

Photo: photosavvy / Flickr / CC-BY-ND-2.0

It's easier with every next

As experienced parents assure, the most difficult thing is the first child. Life suddenly changes once and for all, and you have to get used not only to physical difficulties - the lack of adequate sleep, possible problems with breastfeeding but also to psychological ones: a feeling of helplessness when your child is crying and you cannot calm him down, or he has a high fever for the first time, to the fact that your life does not belong to you for a while. With subsequent children, as a rule, it can be more difficult physically, but mentally it is usually easier.

“One child, in my experience, takes more time, two of them play, and then three or even four,” says Natalya, a mother of four.

“When there were three of them, everything turned out to be very simple. They are already looking after each other, ”Elena echoes her.

Give birth on time

The mothers I interviewed agree that perfect difference with three children - at least two, or better - three years between the birth of each. Not only that female body will be able to recover, and grown-up children will require at least a little, but less attention in everyday life.

“You certainly understand how to behave, how to teach a baby to sleep in playgrounds, feed, organize sleep, etc. But life constantly throws up surprises, and if the first two were more or less calm babies, it is not a fact that the third will be just as lucky. And now you, already an experienced mother, do not understand at all what is happening and what to do. Therefore, it is important that the first two can entertain themselves and each other on their own, go to the kindergarten and school, wipe their butts and, ideally, even find food in the refrigerator and warm it up, ”advises Ekaterina, mother of three.

“Here I have, it seems, the ideal difference - 10 years, 7 and almost 3 years, and the eldest immediately, as the youngest was born, clung to him and takes care of him to this day,” says Anastasia.

Correct organization

Systems, plans and lists are our everything! It is worth finding out which of the principles of time management is right for you - a system of fifteen minutes from flyledy (every day 15 minutes of cleaning in one of the rooms), planning a menu for a week and purchasing products according to a list, drawing up to-do lists for a week and a day in a separate notebook, or app on your phone, lists of basic meals ... Also among the popular tips: a sling or backpack for a young child, a bag mat for toys, freezing food and convenience foods. And, of course, everyone unanimously recommends, if possible, to make life easier with the help of household appliances - a multicooker, a dishwasher, a washing machine with a dryer, a robot vacuum cleaner. And also try to achieve the maximum coincidence of the children's regimes: if all three sleep during the day, then at least at the same time.

Allocate resources and attention

All children need attention, love and hugs. And the eldest, who probably still remembers what it is like to be the only child in the family, and the middle and the youngest. Some mothers even specially prescribe separate points when drawing up a plan for the day: read a fairy tale to the elder, play together with the middle one in trains. well and younger attention gets in any case, by the right of the minority. And here, too, it is advised not to overdo it.

“Seniors grow up more conscious and responsible, in such a situation it is the third who most often grows up as an egoist - he is the younger, he can do anything. The most difficult thing is to put it in its place, this unexpected gift of fate. Therefore, we must not forget to hug, kiss and hug the elders, and let this petty tyrant know that he is not the only favorite in the family, ”advises Lydia.

“The elder will grow up - there will be an assistant”?

Of course, children with a certain age must have certain household responsibilities. But it is categorically not advised to make elders as babysitters as an ultimatum: it is unlikely that this will have a good effect on relations between children in the future, and in general it may be unsafe. Children want to mess with the youngest - please, no - then no.

“The main thing is not to shift your responsibilities to the elders, any concern for the baby should be their joy, not a duty. For example, my four-year-old daughter decided that she could replace my two-year-old mother in moments of my absence. And she organized a kind of role-playing game: she leads him by the handle, looks after him, looks after him. He is not happy, of course, sometimes he grabs her by the hair, hits her on the head, and I explain to her: you’re a mother, and mother sometimes has to endure from the children, explain to them what is allowed and what is not. The six-year-old son is very worried that he is the eldest, and he seems to have a responsibility, so sometimes he is allowed to be a baby, for example, in the game of mothers and daughters with his younger sister. They understand that this is a game, but they feel that they are also kids, that they love them no less, ”says Ekaterina.

Ask for help

However, you still need help. Grandmothers, retired neighbors or students, nannies who come once a week or two cleaners - depending on your comfort and financial capabilities.

“Babysitting is vital. Grandmothers are not that. Grandmothers will rinse your brains with their vast knowledge, and you will not get away, because "look what kind of son I raised!" The nanny, however, will do as much as you tell her, as a rule, she will philony as much as possible, which will certainly help the children grow up to the best of normal and healthy, which is practically impossible if the grandmother takes care of the child with all the retirement enthusiasm ”, - says Irina, mother of triplets.

Engage children in your interests and do not listen to anyone

Do not refuse meetings with friends - spend them in centers with game rooms or family cafes, go on weekends to the museums that interest you first. Do not forget about sports activities with children, drawing courses, acting, foreign languages ​​for children and adults, in some theaters you can leave your child in the play area for the duration of the performance.

And finally, advice from Irina, a mother of not just three children, but triplets:

“The advice is very simple: do not listen to neighbors, relatives and other well-wishers, but listen to your heart and try not to cry, even if you really want to. Everyone around will know how it should be, and the poor, tucked-up mother will definitely do everything badly, in their opinion. It takes a lot of patience and strong nerves... You need to think positively: someday they will grow up, get married and leave your home, and all this is temporary difficulties. "

Sometimes the childless and small girlfriends who come in for tea and pies ask: “Tell me, how do you manage it? Three children, a lot of work, the laurels of Turkish housewives (this is in the sense of daily cleaning and washing of floors and common areas), and besides, you have time to bake pies every day! And how are you still alive to this day? "

I share the recipe for free: I don't know.

I don’t know when I’m doing everything, and how I manage not to go crazy. And what is interesting - I remember very well those blessed times when I had one child. Peaceful, surprisingly calm Constantine would not let me do anything. I had no time to do anything, ate instant Chinese noodles, washed the floors once a week and quietly went crazy with the desperation of what was happening.

Sometimes, completely desperate, I went with the child to my grandmother, and the two of us did not have time to do anything. And this was my calmest son, who did not require that he be constantly carried in his arms, who slept in the sleep of an angel day and night, did not suffer from nightmares and infant intestinal colic.

Looking back, I understand that then it was much harder for me than now, when I have three children - 14, 13 and 3 years old, respectively.

The years passed. Rather, only 1.5 years have passed, and I have two children. Having enriched myself with my beautiful boy Temochka, I fully sipped the joys of motherhood: neatly from 6 to 9 pm, the child toiled with colic, did not get off his hands until 7 months inclusive, sobbed at night and picked up viruses of unknown origin from neighbors sneezing behind the wall from another entrance.

But what is strange - even with such a “problem” child, I had time for cooking, cleaning, hand washing baby diapers with grated laundry soap and even for my personal life.

But in terms of creating hemorrhoids per capita, no one surpassed my marvelous youngest son Andryushka. This is a terrible person! Until 2.5 years old, he believed that night sleep- this is such a setup, invented by loving parents solely for the purpose of building all sorts of intrigues and conspiracies against him, his beloved. Therefore, until the age of 2.5, the child entertained us and himself by waking up at about 3 o'clock with one exclusive purpose - to sing.

It sang loudly, rolling and boisterous. In the melody of the songs performed, "Bandera Rossa", "Marseillaise" and "Bella Chao" were clearly auditioned. Maybe there was an "Internationale" too, but we did not catch it?

By this time, the older sons had already grown up pretty much, therefore, on the one hand, it was possible to very partially shift some household chores or fiddling with the baby to them, which, by the way, they did very willingly, since they did not feel a “competitor” in him. Rather, they perceived him as a living toy, like a puppy or a kitten: so funny, touching.

On the other hand, can you imagine how teenagers eat in puberty? No? I'll tell you now. They don't even eat. They sweep. For example, the eldest son (12 years old) comes from school and says: “Mother, I had lunch at school. Do we have anything to eat? " Then - in the light - a couple of bowls of borscht, navy-style pasta and a liter and a half of milk with some kind of pie or bun.

Therefore, you have to cook every day: you cook a large pot of soup like that, stew potatoes with meat, bake pies with cabbage - well, eh-eh-eh-eh, you don't have to go to the stove for a couple of days. But no! And by the evening, the pan shines with pristine cleanliness, the frying pan keeps her company, and on the plate lies a lonely lonely pie left by the mother by caring children. "There is a washcloth hanging on the stake, let's start all over again!" (with)

Among other things, in my house there are exclusively men who are genetically incapable of maintaining cleanliness. Well, they don't know how to do that. They might be happy, but genetics does not allow it. Therefore, after reading on the Internet about how Turkish housewives daily shake all beds, wash floors and common areas, wash ovens, hoods and kitchen cabinets every other day, sort out wardrobes and dust off balconies once a week, I immediately felt ashamed ... Laurels of Turkish housewives beat Claes' ashes against my chest. True, to my shame, I stopped at the daily cleaning of floors and common areas, but I do it every day. Like Our Father. Apart from cleaning "on top", collecting socks of varying degrees of wear and tearing the mass of everything exciting from various places not intended for this.

At the same time, I do not have a nanny. And the housekeeper is not there either. Because half a year of paying some nanny - and my children and I are left without a summer trip somewhere to the sea. I can't go for that. Therefore, I do everything myself. I don’t know when. I don’t know. I have the same 24 hours a day as it was 10-12 years ago, but now I manage to do much more in a day than when I was the mother of only one child.

Thinking over this article, I came to the conclusion that all the "magic wands for a mother of many children" can be combined into four points. Of course, all of the following is exclusively my IMHO, I do not pretend to be the ultimate truth. So.

First, a child at any age is not a helpless invalid. He is able to bring a pot for himself, and put his plate in the sink, and serve younger brother lost nipple. It would seem - trifles, but remember that a penny saves the ruble.

It is these little things that save time. And when the children are already adults, and the husband, in fact, is also already a big boy - they can be entrusted with a lot. But at the same time, it is important to observe the fine line between helping mom and enslavement.

A child, no matter who he is in the family, should have a full-fledged childhood. Therefore, in my opinion, he should have a clearly defined range of responsibilities, such as taking out the trash can in the evening, going to the store once a week, walking with the baby for an hour on Saturday, and the rest of the time - his. Inviolable, except, of course, some force majeure.

Secondly, household appliances are our everything. To some, a bread maker and a dishwasher may seem like a luxury. Washer, thank God, already, in my opinion, no one seems to be a luxury. But these devices help save tons of time. Here I go about my business: I walk with the child, check the lessons of the older sons, I knit a sweater or work with the baby, and the good mechanisms will wash my dishes, and the laundry will be washed, and the dough will be kneaded. Really - 1.5 hours, and you can sculpt pies.

And thirdly, "the eggs discipline the hen." It is impossible to teach a woman to properly allocate her time. It is very individual and comes with experience. Any business, as it were, is divided into major and minor ones. Plus, of course, when the child is alone, a lot of effort, time and nerves is spent on all sorts of non-constructive experiences: “Did I swaddle him correctly? Isn't it hot for him? Isn't it cold? And he has a temperature - what a nightmare! Where to run, what to grab onto? "

But when the experience is already there, all actions are worked out to automatism: we at the subconscious level know what and how we should do at the moment, and do not waste time on mental anguish.

And last but not least: any child should know that mom is a person too, and not just an appendage to the kitchen stove and Yandex - there is - everything. And this very mother also has the right to personal time.

And when my children realized this, everything in my life fell into place. Which is what I wish for you too ..