The guy's friends don't want to meet me. Are you serious. They openly express antipathy to the guy's friends, sit with a displeased look, or defiantly leave

ALYONA (22)
Frivolity of intentions young man it is determined, in my opinion, simply: if he does not seek to introduce you to his friends, relatives, but, on the contrary, does everything to avoid your meetings - this is a bad sign! Also signs of indifference: you do not appear together in public, he did not agree to go to your girlfriend's birthday, does not accompany you home in the late evenings, referring to fatigue, offers only meetings in private. I had such a boyfriend - I suspected something was wrong when I noticed that he always sent his friends out, as soon as I appeared with him. And I decided to check whether his intentions were serious: I didn’t stay overnight with him, I constantly tried to drag him out with me to my friends.
A month later he was "baked". We parted peacefully, concluding that we were not a couple to each other.
A few days later, I found out that he began to "look after" someone else. It has allready passed more than a year- periodically rumors about his abandoned girlfriends and their broken hearts... I am so pleased that my heart did not add to his collection!

A COMMENT:
"Doesn't want to introduce friends and family ..."
I would not equate relatives, who are sometimes disliked or shy, and friends, who are usually chosen by themselves.
Indeed, a man who is proud of his woman usually gladly brings her out, introduces her to friends and generally loves to show her. But this says, alas, not about the seriousness of his intentions, but only about the fact that this woman satisfies his "status" part. The seriousness of intentions is evidenced by the fact that a man introduces the chosen one to those whom he considers really close, his own, and also (if possible) demonstrates to her his professional activity, which he is proud of.

SVETLANA (18)
I define the intentions of a young man on several grounds. For example, if he talks little about himself, but asks everything about you and, moreover, does it with the subtext “don't sing, you go, walk ...”, insists on meeting late in the evening and tete-a-tete - I understand that in front of me is a suspicious type and it is unlikely that he will love and protect me for the rest of his life. There was a time when such a guy looked after me. Once he tried to drag me to a place of entertainment, where it was supposed to rest in private, including an oriental dinner, that is, on a dostarkhan, without shoes and reclining. But chance saved me from all this and what might follow. Getting ready for the meeting, I hastily put on different socks. And therefore, having received an invitation “to rest in an oriental way,” she categorically refused. The young man could not understand what was the matter. It was funny to me that different socks broke his insidious plans.

A COMMENT
To be honest, I don’t seem suspicious of a man who is interested in listening to a woman, no matter what she’s talking about. I would rather call him a rare person, or I would think that he specially learned (from training or from books) to be a pleasant conversationalist: usually people, regardless of gender and age, like to talk more than listen.
The desire of a young man to meet with an adult chosen one in the evening and in private seems to me also quite natural. The fact that a young man wants sex or just kisses and romantic hugs (both, you must admit, it is more pleasant to do without witnesses), firstly, indicates that he is healthy physically and mentally. And secondly, this does not mean that he is not going to continue the relationship, and does not automatically indicate that he has no serious intentions. Many couples, who are now in their 30s, began to have sex life before marriage (this used to be "slept" was synonymous with "not marry because I lost respect for you").
If the libertine decided to dishonor the girl, then he would most likely invite her not to a restaurant (where waiters and other visitors usually come - even if there are separate "offices"), but to his home. Moreover, he would have done it in such a way that no thoughts of the upcoming fall from grace would even occur to her: for example, during the day and with assurances that his apartment would be full of relatives.
Yes, and I cannot call taking off shoes an exclusively intimate and erotic act, after which a man completely loses control of himself and, like a lustful satyr, pounces on the victim.
Therefore, I am afraid that Svetlana, being in different socks, did not save her honor, but simply missed an oriental dinner. On the other hand, what are her years? He'll have dinner again.

VADIM (20)
It doesn't take me long to figure out how a girl treats me - I can see it right away. I have one proven method: when communicating, I try to interest the girl only in myself. If she is not interested in me as a person, then there can be no talk of anything serious. There was once a story when they just wanted to use me ... I met a girl: a beauty, dressed with taste, the very charm. But in the process of communication I felt that something was wrong. The girl was very pretty, and I just didn’t believe that she didn’t have a boyfriend. We exchanged contacts with her, she gave her phone surprisingly quickly. A little later, I decided to write her an sms with an offer to meet. To which I received a message in response: “Hello, I will meet with you again only after you replenish my mobile account with an amount of 500 rubles. I ran out of money, let me know ... ”After such a message, I realized that this was a divorce and the girl was constantly engaged in such things. Of course, I didn't replenish her account, but I wrote that I had deposited the money, as agreed, and again asked about the meeting. There was no answer.

A COMMENT
I am confused in this story by the wording "only after ...". If the girl simply asked to put some amount of money into her account ("how much it does not bother you" - the choice is up to the man, in accordance with his desires and capabilities) money and did not put any conditions regarding the relationship, then in this request there would be nothing criminal.
If Vadim actually accurately quoted the girl, then it really was a divorce, to which he reasonably did not succumb.
But I was more interested in Vadim's confidence that “there is no young man so pretty”, and his surprise that the girl quickly gave the phone. I will comment on this in more detail.
Insecure men, pre-determined to fail their mission as a potential gentleman, often hear what they want to hear, and attribute to the girl who puzzled them with complaisance more pragmatism and bitchiness than she really is. This happens because a man unconsciously wants to give up the fight for this, as it seems to him, inaccessible person. However, I am not at all sure that this is Vadim's case.
By the way, a separate tragedy of beautiful (as well as popular and flamboyant) girls and women is another male stereotype: "Such as she is, of course, not free." They often remain “overboard” in courtship because of the fear of men even to approach them to get to know each other.

LENA (31)
There are several criteria of interest. First, getting to know your parents: you won't introduce the girl you are only going to use to relatives.
Second, the urgent request for assistance is instructive. In such situations, a true attitude is manifested.
For example, a girl calls a young man and says that she stumbled on the street, broke her heel, and there is not enough money for a taxi home. Will he offer his help? If yes, then everything is fine.
Thirdly, the choice of gifts is also indicative. Let the present be modest, the main thing is the desire to learn more about the girl's interests and to please her taste. Once I was courted by an intelligent young man. On the second date, he offered to choose any ring in a prestigious jewelry store, but only on condition that we continue to meet. This scene opened my eyes: sincerely interested people make gifts from the heart, without conditions.

A COMMENT
"You won't introduce the girl you are only going to use to your family ..."
There are not so few happy marriages in which men (less often women) did not want to introduce their chosen ones to their parents. As a rule, these are people who have difficult, sometimes difficult relationships with relatives. They did not want their loved ones to meet with their relatives for various reasons: “I don’t want my parents to discuss the person I love”, “I want to move away from my parents as far as possible, they are strangers to me”, “I’m afraid that my relatives will make such an unpleasant impression on her that she will refuse me "," I would not be surprised if my ancestors tell her nasty things about me, perhaps under the pretext of a friendly conversation "," my mother has already divorced me with one girl, I do not want repetition ".
It must be said that usually men do not strive (and often simply do not know how) to formulate directly and exhaustively the reasons for their unwillingness to introduce the girl to their parents. So try to understand first WHY he doesn't want to introduce you to them. The family difficulties of a beloved man can be treated in different ways, but I would not call their presence "diagnostic" for your future relationship, and even more so I would not conclude on this basis that his intentions are not serious.
People who do not have a "children's" family (mom-dad-me) often throw all their energy into building a wonderful family of their own. If you are ready to accept the ideas of your beloved about his parents, not try to "reconcile" him with your potential mother-in-law or get close to his family against his will, then you are even lucky: as the hero of the famous film said, "you need to marry an orphan." If this categorically does not suit you and your ideal is a strong large family, including him and your relatives, and not your isolated couple, then most likely such a man will not suit you, and not you for him.
"The request for urgent help is indicative ..."
Reading the example of “showing true relationship"Situation, I honestly tried to imagine a man who, in the middle of a workshop, abandoning business and colleagues, rushes to the aid of his beloved, because she" broke his heel. " I could not.
More seriously, being willing to help is an important component of a relationship. If a man "always has no time" when you need help, or he agrees to help, but in fact does not help, this is a bad sign. Even if he has serious intentions, it is worth thinking a thousand times whether it will be difficult for you with such a person. He, quite possibly, is ready to be there always, but is it worth tying fate with an egoist?
However, a lot depends on you. First, you need to adequately formulate your requests. In other words, ask in such a way that you would like to help. Relevance (in terms of context and timing), tone and choice of words matter. This, of course, is not about absolutely critical situations (for example, if you have acute pain and you ask to be taken to the hospital), but such cases, you must admit, are not the rule, but the exception.
Second, what matters is what is meant by “urgent” situations. If we are talking about a lost umbrella or, as already mentioned, a broken heel, then one should not be surprised at the “callousness” of the chosen one, who is in no hurry to rescue with the enthusiasm of Chip and Dale.
The choice of gifts is indicative.
Rather, it is the presence or absence of care. There are men who NEVER give gifts: not their style. Some people avoid presents because they do not have the opportunity to give to their beloved. expensive thing and are embarrassed to present a cheap one. Even more representatives of the stronger sex do not know how to choose gifts - this is quite typical (the opposite is rare).
But! A man who wants a lasting relationship usually shows concern.
Take a closer look: perhaps he does not give you things to your liking, but tries to help in a different way because of his ideas about life and opportunities (including material ones). He takes you to restaurants, fixes plumbing, negotiates repairs in your apartment, takes you to other countries or to his dacha, pays for your courses, cooks for you.
Two things are important here: the first is whether he shows concern, and the second is whether your ideas about what it is coincide.
But a gift given "on condition" is a truly ugly act. It is better to stay away from such a gentleman.

Samira Pavlova, consultant psychologist
Institute of Psychodrama and Role Training

Congratulations, you still managed to find your soul mate! You flirted openly with her in front of your colleagues, kissed drunk people in the back seat of a taxi, and even managed to determine who her ex was from five-year-old Instagram photos. Now it's time to introduce her to your friends. Your buddies and girlfriend are probably the most important people in life (when you move out from your parents, of course), and therefore it's important that they get along somehow.

Many men do a mess in this regard. You definitely don't want to be one of them. It is much better to be a guy who can adjust to the situation and be more empathetic with the girl than with his buddies. Of course, you don't want to lose your friends, and even more so the girl who finds your crumbling car cute. We tell you how it is still worth behaving with a friend in the company of friends.

1. Not all at once

The first impression of a person is very important, whatever one may say. Making sure that the girl will make a good impression on your friends is also your task. You should not introduce your soulmate to friends during an important occasion for you with your comrades. For example, representing her at the annual friendly convention in a country house (where you and a crowd of guys have traditionally traveled for the last fifteen years) is not best idea... You will still have time when she remembers the names of your friends and their girls and delves into your jokes for her friends about Nicolas Cage. By introducing her to all her friends at the wrong time, you make her an outsider, and it will be much more difficult for her to find with them mutual language... It makes more sense to introduce her to one or two friends at a time.

2. Don't leave her alone

When the girl has already managed to get to know all your friends and you gradually start inviting her to public events, do not leave her alone. Of course, you don't have to chase her wherever she goes and wait impatiently for her outside the restroom. You don't even need to interfere with all her conversations. But throwing a girl at a party where you know twenty people and she's only two (you and your weird ex-classmate) ... Don't forget about her. Ask if she needs anything (you might even ask twice!). You don't need to follow her like a small child, but you should remind her of the names of your friends, whom she saw only once, and then after two decanters of sangria drunk. Try not to leave her with difficult or strange people. If you know that one of your acquaintances is not the most interesting interlocutor, do not let him squeeze your girlfriend in the corner for a couple of hours. Or if another friend of yours is completely disgusting sexist - do not leave her to go for another glass of wine. If you see that the girl is uncomfortable, go up to her, find out how she is doing. Holding her hand all the time, of course, is not necessary, but figuring out which of your comrades is not the best interlocutor, and trying to bypass him is a great idea.

3. Leave early

Watching your friends play the console is far from fun. Leave parties a little earlier than you usually leave. Whether your girlfriend is introvert or not, meeting new people is extremely energy-intensive. In other words, she still cannot relax with your friends, as she does with her friends. Therefore, you should not stay at the party until 4 in the morning, remembering all the drunken university parties, while she updates her Instagram feed for the hundredth time in the hope that you finally figure out that she wanted to leave six hours ago. Of course, she is able to declare her desires to you herself. But she may not do it. Maybe she just doesn't want to ruin your evening. She cares about you, and you, in turn, treat her with understanding - leave immediately when you notice that she is bored or tired. Try to imagine it as your desire, say, for example: "Well, are you ready to get out of here?"

4. Don't change with friends

Using Grease as an example can be a dangerous idea. Still, the moral of this story is that for the sake of love it is worth changing. But the film does teach the viewer one important lesson: when Danny Zuko tries to look cool in front of his friends, he looks like a complete jerk. This is how you will look when trying to surprise your friends. You do not behave with a girl the way you behave, for example, with colleagues. And this is good! But the way you talk and act with your friends and girlfriend should look pretty much the same. If this is not the case, either your girlfriend is not right for you, or you have bad friends (or the problem is in you). Do not even try to bring your girlfriend to friendly gatherings and tell everyone the awkward details from her biography or show yourself from the opposite side, which you carefully hid from her. Nothing is more suspicious than a guy who turns into a villain with a group of friends. No one asks you to call her cute names, as you usually do at home, or kiss her in front of everyone, but you shouldn't turn into a fool either. Everyone is ashamed to look at this.

That this is an even greater rapprochement and a confidential gesture, or, on the contrary, a check, and possibly a bride?

To the question of why a guy introduces a girl to his friends, there is probably no simple and unambiguous answer. After all, all people are very different. And friends are different. There is male friendship for many years, there is cooperation, as they say, in the affairs of the company, that is, a purely working relationship, and there are also superficial friendships - to chat, laugh. So it is important to consider who exactly your boyfriend wants to introduce you to. The reasons for potential acquaintance with friends of a loved one will also depend on the answer to the question posed. So, let's figure it out together why a guy introduces a girl to his friends.

1. Close friends. If your young man wants to introduce you to his close friend (or maybe two, because there are usually no really many really close friends), then this most likely indicates the seriousness of his intentions towards you. Such an acquaintance, as it were, introduces you to the circle of people close to a man. Undoubtedly, this is a gesture of trust towards you. Your beloved is like saying: "You have become very close to me, I value you no less than my old and trusted friends, I am ready to trust you!"

Getting to know a circle of close friends can lead to a variety of consequences. A successful acquaintance and a pleasant impression that you will make will undoubtedly raise your status in the eyes of your boyfriend. After all, this will speak in his favor and only confirm the correctness of his choice. Of course, the opinion of close friends is important to him. In addition, the positive result of such an acquaintance, no doubt, will affect your friendly contacts. Perhaps now you will be "family friends" with one of your boyfriend's friends, communicate closely, go to visit, etc. Accordingly, this expands your circle of acquaintances, and, possibly, will somehow affect your lifestyle.

Rarely, but it happens that, on the contrary, the girl did not quite like the man's inner circle, but he continues to meet with her. If this happens to you, then he will have to choose - either the old friendly relations, or beloved. As a rule, in such a situation, the strength of feelings in relation to the girl is tested. A guy will only stay with you if he is seriously passionate about and does not intend to change his plans, even for the sake of close friends.

Usually, close friends of a man on major issues are unanimous with him. It's not in vain that they have been supporting loved ones for many years, trusting relationship, not in vain are ready to help each other, if necessary, ready to rely on each other. They have a lot in common, and besides, they trust the choice of a friend.

1. Colleagues. Usually a guy introduces this category of friends when these colleagues are also friends. Or when you and your loved one work in the same company, and your relationship with him only takes on the character of a romance. In this case, you appear in front of your colleagues at work as if in a new status.

In the first case, a variety of intentions can stand behind the desire to introduce you. It may also be a desire to trump his chosen one in front of colleagues (to boast of her beauty, charm). Thus, a man can raise his rating among colleagues (here, they say, what a girl I have!) On the whole, this is not good, not bad. In principle, the desire to demonstrate your male status and pride in your chosen one. No one has canceled men's pride yet, and, accordingly, your boyfriend may just be pleased to hear flattering reviews from colleagues about you. But if a guy shows his girlfriend to colleagues, just to assert himself, he certainly loses in your eyes. He probably has nothing more to brag about at all, and this is not the most the best way... Take a closer look at your companion!

In the second case, your man just wants to open up your relationship in front of everyone. Here, when a guy introduces a girl again, he kind of presents you to his colleagues in a new status. This can be done in a slightly humorous tone or quite seriously. In this case, it is worth supporting the man's intention. After all, you yourself are undoubtedly interested in the fact that your two colleagues perceived as a couple. So play along to your beloved if he undertook to talk about it in a playful tone!

1. Friends. Perhaps this is the only option where you may have a more or less reasonable suspicion regarding the purpose of acquaintance. It's good if a guy wants to introduce you to his friends - buddies in order to maintain relationships, communicate, etc. But it happens that he introduces a girl to friends, for example, to gossip about you together, or even laugh. Another of the bad options is acquaintance with the aim of showing off you for the sake of raising your status among friends (we talked about almost the same in relation to meeting colleagues).

It happens that behind the desire of a guy to introduce a girl to his friends, there is an intention not to show her to them, but just the opposite. Often a young man just wants to show you how he lives, with whom he communicates. Perhaps he is bragging to your friends in front of you! Support him, tell him that you liked his company very much. Find common topics of conversation, enter their circle. Moreover, if it does not strongly contradict your own views on life. Remember that it is much worse when the guy does not want to introduce the girl to his surroundings. This means that either he is ashamed of you, or he is too jealous and therefore hides you even from friends, or he is hiding something (or someone else) from you. Perhaps he is playing a double game? Don't mess with those! A relationship with him will not bring you happiness, but it will take a lot of time and energy. Look for someone who will entrust you with both their interests and their friends, with whom, perhaps, you will not be sorry to live your whole life happily later. And this, you see, is a lot!

Is your relationship with your boyfriend developing rapidly? Is he already talking about how it would be nice to introduce you to your parents? However, before introducing you to his beloved dad and mom, the guy will clearly want you to make a promise with his friends. And in reality, such an acquaintance is no less responsible and serious than an acquaintance with parents. It's simple - many men listen to the advice of their friends. So great importance has what impression you make on the friends of your loved one.

What is the first thing any woman thinks about? About the outfit! Think carefully about how you will appear in front of the guy's friends. You should not choose an overly frivolous outfit, short skirts, sweaters or dresses with deep neckline... At the same time, you should not rush to the other extreme and dress in shapeless jeans and pullovers. The main thing is that you look feminine and beautiful.

As practice shows, when a person falls into new company, then he seeks to communicate more with the person with whom he is familiar. But in a situation with acquaintance with friends of a young man, all this can turn against you. And all because instead of keeping up a conversation with the guy's friends, you are in trouble all the time sitting next to your beloved and quietly talking with him. So you are unlikely to be liked by his friends! Don't forget that you are a person! Don't miss the chance to show your boyfriend and his friends that you are an interesting and versatile person.

Try to really find a common language with the friends of your beloved! And by the way, not only general interesting, but also quite traditional topics can help you with this. For example, you might ask how your boyfriend and his friends met. If you show that you are really interested in it, then everyone will definitely appreciate it.

You need to be prepared for any situations and questions. After all, you do not know your boyfriend's friends and therefore have no idea what style of communication they prefer. So it is necessary to act according to the situation. Try to get the most out of your lover's friends. The main thing is not to bury your phone, because this way you will clearly demonstrate that in the company of your boyfriend's friends you are simply bored.

If in the company of your loved one there are not only guys, but also girls, then try to communicate equally with both one and the other. Of course, it will be easier for you to find a common language with girls. But it is necessary to maintain a conversation with the guys as well. The fact is that it is their opinion that your beloved will especially listen to.

You shouldn't ask your significant other's friends about him. ex-girlfriends as well as past relationships. Of course, his friends are aware of all his victories on the love front. However, you should not elicit all the personal details at the first meeting with friends. If so, they may think that you are simply using them to learn about your loved one’s past.