How to improve relationships with a small child. How to build friendships with your child. And the last point is highlighted separately. These are games

Hello everyone! Theme family relations has been relevant at all times. The family is a small state where wars and peace can also occur. But, nevertheless, you need to try and work to ensure that everyone respects and understands each other. We all want to live in peace and harmony with our children, but unfortunately, not everything goes smoothly for everyone. Misunderstandings arise, and as a result, the relationship deteriorates. The task of any parent is not to allow the rupture of ties, but if this happens, to improve relations with the child. This is what we are going to talk about today.

All parents take care of their children every day: they feed them, dress them, raise them, however, this is not always enough, there is one important point - trusting and kind relationships. If tears and misunderstandings between children and adults have become frequent “guests” in the family, then it is necessary to carefully reconsider the relationship and understand what is going wrong.

Causes of misunderstanding and quarrels with children

First of all, it is worth figuring out why there was a discord between parents and children, there are several most common options:

Strict discipline

Nobody says that a child should not have any prohibitions and restrictions, naturally, it is the parents who explain to the child what can be done and what should not be done. However, it is important to understand the difference between discipline and totalitarian control bordering on despotism. Families often began to meet where mothers and fathers believe that the child should obey them implicitly. But after all, any boy or girl is, first of all, an individual person with his own desires and feelings, so adults need to take into account the child's opinion on each issue.

You should not give orders to your own child, it is better to contact him with a request to help him do something around the house. After all, an adult will not feel bad from the fact that he says the word - "please", own child.

The misconception that a child should!

It so happens that children, for some reason, always owe their parents. Stop for a moment and think, why should a son or daughter? Nobody asked him that the baby should be born, it was a personal decision of the parents, and taking care of your own offspring is natural. You do not have to wait all the time from the child that he will thank you for the rest of his life only for the fact that you gave him life. Of course, in normal family with a kind attitude to each other, the son or daughter themselves will want to help the parents, but this will come from the heart, and not because the child is obliged and must. You should not expect gratitude from the child all the time and force him to do something by means of blackmail, the son or daughter should themselves want to help the parents.

Unjustified expectations

Often, parents begin to feel dissatisfaction with their own baby when they start comparing him with other children while still on the playground. Well, how can one not be annoyed when the neighbor's Makar can stand up for himself and knows the alphabet by heart, and your Timofey is standing on the sidelines, cannot tie two words, or defend his toy property in a fight! It is important for parents to understand that they should never compare their own child with anyone, if you give yourself such an attitude from the very birth of the baby, then you will protect your own family from a huge number of mistakes and troubles.

Remember, it is your child that is individual, he may not know the alphabet at three years old, not go to the potty at two, not recite poetry, be shy, afraid of big dogs and mustachioed men, but this does not mean that he is bad and will not grow out of him nothing worthwhile. You love your own child, because you have it, only the parents' faith, support in all endeavors will help the child become a full-fledged personality. Do not compare the child with anyone else, he probably has his own talents and hobbies, which just need help to open up.

Incommensurability of responsibilities

Discord in relationships often occurs due to the fact that too many responsibilities are piled on the child. Sometimes parents do not require “great” help around the house, but they impose on the child, in addition to studying at school or going to Kindergarten, a disproportionate number of children's sections. Try to be reasonable and decide with your child which clubs he really would like to go to!

You should not “strain” the child from a young age and “discourage” him from wanting to do anything at all. Be sure to leave your child time for free activities - simple walks, reading books and even playing on the computer, all this must be given to do.

Disrespect for a child

Unfortunately, the older the child becomes, the parents begin to demand more from him and do this most often in a disrespectful manner. Regardless of how old the baby is, you need to understand that he is a person and always respect his interests and reckon with opinions. Even a child of 2-3 years old should be offered to choose clothes from several offered sets! Why force a child to eat an unloved soup - after all, you can simply allow to eat only the second one or cook individually for him a small saucepan of noodles, which he loves so much. Respect your own child from an early age, listen to him and then it will pay off a hundredfold.

How to build a relationship with your child

If it happens that it seems to you that you and your child are speaking in different languages, you cannot endure his presence for a long time, and any communication ends with abuse, it is still never too late to change the current situation for the better. So, what are the steps to a trusting relationship.

Support and trust!

Try to find the strength and find the right words to help the child get out of the situation, even if he was wrong. There is no need to arrange public "analyzes" of the situation if your child is scolded by strangers or a teacher, discuss the problem alone with other adults, do not allow under any circumstances anyone else to shout at your child. Everything that your son or daughter did wrong - discuss it alone with him, find out why he did this, make joint conclusions.

Interest

Mom will not be superfluous to ask what the child is fond of. In fact, even if you do not share your child's hobbies and hobbies, try not to treat them with disdain, listen to why this particular daughter sympathizes musical group, and the son was carried away by "shooters" on the computer. Of course, there is no need to be obsessive, but to show interest and delve into the essence of the life of a son or daughter will be the right decision.

Show your child that you yourself are a versatile person, ready for new discoveries and adventures. Who said that a mother cannot pass the trail in the rope park on a par with her son? And catch a carp or go through a difficult level in a computer game. Children are always proud to tell their peers that they have great parents, this is especially valuable in adolescence.

Down with moralizing, road to dialogue!

Try to shorten lengthy lectures on the meaning of life, household chores, study lessons. Try to communicate the requests briefly to the child. It is better if long conversations on topics that are pleasant for everyone become a tradition in the family, discuss a holiday plan for the coming weekend, decide how to make repairs prettier, and what to give loved ones for the holidays. Also try to mark 5 positive things and events that happened to each family member during the day on a daily basis, so you will focus attention and more often notice all the good things that are happening around.

Hugs and caresses

It is very easy to hug and kiss a small child, you want to do this all the time, but the older the child becomes, the more he moves away from his parents. Yes, and sometimes mom and dad don't really want to squeeze an angular teenager who only pretends to be unhappy with everything. Make it a rule to hug your son or daughter at least 5 times a day, most likely, at first he will react with surprise and feel uncomfortable. However, after just a few days, it will become a great habit and will soften the not quite right relationship between you.

Whatever happens in life around, always support your son or daughter and then parents will be the most important people you can always turn to. More respect for each other, understanding, and most importantly, acceptance of the child with all his shortcomings. Love your son or daughter simply because you have him or her. Then you will not ask yourself how to improve your relationship with your child. Try to listen to him and then you will also be heard, trust the child and then he will answer you in kind!

Parents want to see their child happy, smiling, able to communicate with the people around them. But the child himself does not always manage to understand the complex world of relationships with peers and adults. The task of adults is to help him with this. Communication with a child gives most parents some trouble, and they begin when the child turns 13-14 years old. This is the age when parents should make every effort to learn how to communicate with their grown children, who are not already as docile as they were a few years ago. Each teenager requires a special approach to himself, therefore, specialists have given only general recommendations on how to communicate with a teenager. But this does not mean at all that the parents will be able to establish contact with the child from the first attempt to communicate correctly.

Adolescence is the most critical moment for the child and the family as a whole. Now peers and their opinions become the main ones. Through these relationships, teens learn to be friends and also to interact. They fall in love for the first time and constantly understand themselves. Despite the doubts and criticism towards parents, they need their support. They want to be proud of their loved ones. There is a great desire to show off to friends. As a parent, remember that conflicting behavior is normal. It is necessary to find a middle ground, to support, but not to stand above the soul. Replace unpleasant topics (assessments, behavior) with interesting ones (leisure, travel, hobbies, plans). Relationships based on respect and friendliness will be much more effective. At any time, it is important for parents to remain a friend to the child, delve into his problems and together look for ways to solve them. You should never press, shout and suppress with your authority. In each period, you have to change the line of behavior and adapt to the child, guiding and supporting him.

Rules for communicating with a teenager

A teenager is a person, and every parent should remember this before interacting with a teenager. Even if it is not yet fully formed, but a personality, it requires attention and care no less than that with which you surrounded your child when he is 2 or 3 years old. Only attentive parents are able to notice that their child is in some kind of trouble, that he is upset or worried about something. At the first signs of such a state, try to establish contact with a teenager, try to delve into his personal life, but without crossing the line, which is very thin, and your too frank questions can cause heartache teenager.

Difficulties in communicating with adolescents are primarily due to their puberty. At this age, adolescents believe that they have already become adults, they can do whatever they want, and attempts by their parents to communicate with adolescents are perceived by them "with hostility." Psychologists recommend, especially mothers, to start more adult communication with children, not when the moment comes when the teenager becomes uncontrollable, but much earlier. This will help you to be closer with your child even when the first love comes into his life, and when the peculiarities of teenagers' communication on the street will negatively affect your, a few months ago, completely controllable child.

As a teenager, it is very important how you treat your child. If you want the teenager to take up the lessons, then you should remind him of his responsibilities, but in a way that will not offend him. A lot depends on the manner of your speech at the moment, so try to speak to your child in a calm and confident tone, but do not shout or reproach him. The fact is that if a child is offended by you, he will simply find some communication on the street, which cannot be allowed, otherwise you will “lose” the child forever.

Children in their teens become picky about adults. But do not think that they can communicate with each other well enough - the communication problems of adolescents, if they are not solved, can result in real tragedies that break the whole life of the child.

Many problems in adolescence arise with learning. Children do not want to sit down for lessons that they find terribly uninteresting, unlike socializing on the street, watching TV or listening to music. So that his academic failure does not become a problem, try to clarify the situation in educational institution... Always cooperate with class teacher, teachers who will clarify any situation. Perhaps, in some of the subjects, a conflict has arisen between your child and the teacher. It is possible that your child behaved incorrectly in the lesson, was rude to the teacher, because such communication between adolescents and adults is an everyday occurrence. Therefore, one should constantly be aware of the events of his affairs.

Teenagers are very emotional about everything that happens. Moreover, their opinion changes very often, as does their mood. A teenager at this age can both defend his rights and quarrel with a friend with whom he has been friends for many years.

To help your child get through the worst moments in his life, learn to listen to him, but listen actively, leaving everything behind and sitting next to him on the couch. Only such communication with adults will be useful for a teenager who still does not fully understand what is good to do and what is bad. The teenager's communication with his parents should be regular, so try to start a tradition in your family of evening tea drinking, common breakfasts and dinners, when the whole family gathers at the table and everyone shares their problems.

Prevent teenage street culture from spreading into your home - you should try to maintain a cultural form of communication in your home. Indeed, despite the fact that a teenager is already only selectively imitating his parents, he is still guided by the principles of life based in the house.

What advice can you give to parents in a situation when they and their children do not understand each other, when the relationship does not work out? First of all, dear parents, remember that you will be helped to establish and improve your mutual relations with your own child:

mutual understanding and patience;
showing sincere interest;
personal example in behavior.

To do this, listen a little to the advice:
1. Love your child and show it to him.
2. Hug your child several times a day.
3. Build high self-esteem in your child.
4. Cultivate self-reliance and independence in your child.
5. Praise and reward your child as often as possible.

6. Communicate with your child as much as possible.
7. Talk about yourself and what you do.
8. Listen to what the child wants to tell you.
9. If you find it difficult to choose a topic of conversation, start with the easiest one for both of you: news, sports, school events.
10. Try to have dinner together as often as possible.
11. Know all of his friends and, if possible, get to know their parents.
12. Learn as much as you can about all of his teachers.
13 attend parenting meetings- this is good way meet other parents.
11. Never lie to a child, even if it is dictated by the best beliefs and concern for his peace and well-being in front of the TV!

Parents dream build trusting relationship with own children... How to do it right? How to bring your own child closer and not push away from yourself? Raising children is a difficult task. The main thing is not to miss important points and become a friend to him. There are 10 not difficult steps towards a stronger bond with your child.

Step 1 - words about love

A child needs love and affection at any age. Do not forget to him that you love and cannot imagine life without him. Only 3 words "I love you" can work a miracle. Say them regularly, even in moments of quarrels, etc.

Step 2 - inheriting faith

Pass on your faith and family traditions to your child. Talk about your ancestors, your religion, any established family traditions... Believe me, it will be very interesting for him to learn about everything that happened to his grandparents and other relatives.

Step 3 - baby nickname

All children remember that in childhood they were affectionately called "hare", "sun" and other words. Give your baby your own special nickname. It will help build a close bond between you. And for a teenager, set a special code word that only you and him will know. It can be used in unpleasant situations as a signal for help.

Step 4 - sleep ritual

An intimate relationship between parents and children is established before bedtime. With kids, it can be reading fairy tales while lying in an embrace. With teenagers, a short conversation about the past day, a kiss before rest. Even a simple phrase “ Goodnight, Sun!" brings together and soothes.

Step 5 - doing housework together

Psychologists call a good option for setting up relationships with children joint work... This means a request for help with the housework. Children will be happy to help clean the floor, vacuum, go for bread, carry a bag of groceries. Don't be shy or forget to ask them for help. And as a general cleaning in the apartment by joint efforts - the best way when building mutual understanding between parents and their child.

Step 6 - playing together

Play all kinds of outdoor, board, and theatrical games with children more often. Show interest and support in his hobbies. If the child sees in your behavior that you are not indifferent to him, he will happily sing, dance, learn a verse, play in a scene.

Step 7 - gathering at the table with the whole family

Communication of all family members at the table does not replace any other activities. At such moments, the shown participation for everyone engenders mutual understanding between parents and children. Just ask about the day passed, the emotions received at school and other institutions. This will help to become slightly closer friend to friend.

Step 8 - vacation together

Get creative with planning your weekend getaway. A simple walk on fresh air, going to the cinema, visiting attractions, going into the forest for mushrooms are ideal ways to make contacts. Children appreciate the time spent with their parents. And if it's also interesting, then success in building relationships is guaranteed.

Step 9 - respecting choices

Do not show your dissatisfaction with the child's choice of this or that clothes, toys. Even if you don't like it, be reasonable and support him.

Step 10 - sincerity in the relationship

Children need to feel important in your life. Therefore, put your priorities on the shelves. Be sure to leave the children at the very top. Show sincerity, genuine care and attention to your little ones. They are acutely aware of this and are very worried if they do not receive the attention they deserve.

Observing these simple rules in Everyday life you can easily build great friendships with your children. Movement on the same wavelength with teenagers is a chance to become not easy good parent, but a real friend whom you can trust and not be afraid of publicity. Children always, at any age, demand attention to themselves. Get a little closer to your young, dear child. And the child will certainly reciprocate, sincerity, trust and love.

Video how to improve relationships with your child

Attention! The use of any medicines and dietary supplements, as well as the use of any therapeutic techniques, it is possible only with the permission of a doctor.

The relationship between them cannot develop on their own, like an educational pyramid toy, which, perhaps, every adult had in childhood. To build a pyramid of rings, you need to string them in a specific sequence - from the largest to the smallest.

So it is with relationships. As a rule, you need to work on them. Most moms and dads will agree with this statement.

Psychologist and teacher Tatyana Korostyshevskaya proposes to present the relationship between a child and an adult as a special psychological pyramid, each ring of which symbolizes a certain aspect in the relationship between a parent and his child.

The core of this pyramid will be the process of interaction between a child and an adult in any form. Joint play, or modeling, preparation of the school homework, cleaning the apartment, an ordinary walk - this can be absolutely any action performed with the child together.

In order to build a pyramid, it is necessary to string rings on the rod, from the largest to the smallest. Only then will we get the “pyramid effect”.

Let's figure out what exactly and how to do so that the central axis of your interaction with your child turns into a full-fledged pyramid.

In the view of Tatyana Korostyshevskaya, the pyramid rings look like this: from the largest to the smallest:

Self-awareness
Awareness own feelings
Understanding the child
Understanding a child's feelings
Cohabitation emotions
Satisfaction with communication

Let's take a look at each "ring" separately.

1. Self-awareness

The basis of the pyramid, or the basis for building relationships, is the understanding of your own “I”. Realize your role. Understand that you are not only a parent, you are a person, but also that an “inner child” lives in you.

To meet your “I-child”, it is enough to remember your own. What made you happy and what disappointed you when you were a child? What were you interested in doing, and what caused boredom? What fears have you experienced?

Self-awareness is the basis on which a good relationship with a child is built

In order to meet face to face with your self-child, remember all the attitudes in the relationship between parents and children that were and are in your family. What did your parents teach you? What attitudes are you now trying to pass on to your children?

Realize your personality. Think about it:

what is your worldview?
what is your relationship with people, with the world around you?
what are your goals?
what is stopping you from achieving these goals?
what inspires you? Where do you get your strength?
what would you like to do for others?

Understanding your own "I" is of great importance, because all these aspects directly affect the process of communication between us and the child, and form a certain direction of your actions.

2. Realizing your own feelings

Awareness of your own feelings will not only help you to better understand yourself and analyze your attitude towards your own child, but also teach you to control these feelings, experience them, cope with them. And this applies not only to you, but also to the child. If in any life situation you are able to admit your feelings to yourself, the child, looking at you, will learn to do the same.

If you think that you are aware of your feelings and know how to control them, consider that the second ring of the pyramid has been successfully strung on the rod.

3. Understanding the child

This "ring" means everything that is associated with social and age characteristics, his needs, desires, interests, abilities. Ask yourself questions and try to find answers to them:

what can your child do?
what cannot, and for what reason?
how does he do what he can?
what does he manage easily, and what with difficulty?
how does he react to success and failure?
what does he love and what does he hate?

If you were able to answer all the questions, then this ring turned out to be on the axis, and we can move on.

4. Understanding the feelings of the child

Understanding your child's feelings is an important prerequisite for building a relationship with him. After all, you can control his activities and try to direct it in the right direction only by fully understanding what your child feels at one time or another.

There are no ideal people, and you, too, most likely, cannot be called perfection.

In order to string the fourth ring on the pyramid, teach the child how to express them, live them to the fullest and direct their energy in the necessary direction in order to achieve the set goals without harming himself.

Putting the fifth ring on the rod of the pyramid of relationships is very easy and at the same time difficult. Parents need to accept their child as he is, along with all his merits and - more difficult - his shortcomings. Always remember that there are no perfect people, and you, too, most likely cannot be called perfect.

6. Sharing emotions

The sixth ring is one of the most important. To cope with it, realize that emotions are always at the heart of all our activities. It is under their influence that we perform certain actions. But the most important thing is the opportunity to share your emotions with a loved one, because only when there is someone nearby who is able to understand us, listen to us, sincerely rejoice for our happiness or, conversely, sympathize, we can cope with absolutely any situation.

Do not be indifferent to the child - and then he will learn to empathize

Live with your child all his emotions, share his joys and experiences, and then he will not only learn to cope with all his feelings, but also realize what great importance has how important sensitivity and understanding between loved ones is, what security gives the feeling that you are not alone and you have someone with whom to share all the happy and sad moments of life. He will remember this invaluable experience forever.

7. Satisfaction with communication

The topmost ring of the pyramid is what we were striving for, gradually creating it, the meaning of the idea itself, the result that we wanted to get. We have motivation only when we see what we are striving for. The brain remembers the moments that bring us pleasure, and when a similar stimulus appears, it reacts positively. Therefore, if you communicate with your child openly and joyfully, trying to get pleasure from this communication, your relationship will bring real happiness to you and your children. And this is critical to building a healthy personality in your children.

Victoria Kotlyarova