If you can't forget your first love. How to cut off the roots of first love that prevent you from building new relationships. Is it worth going back to the past

Greetings, dear readers! The first relationship, as a rule, is very bright and emotionally rich. There are few couples who managed to carry their first love to the end. But what to do after parting, how to forget your first love? Today I offer you some simple solutions that will definitely help you when executed.

End of a beautiful era

Breaking up a relationship is painful for both girls and guys. Do not think that it is easy for someone. Both suffer, maybe in different time and in your own way. After all, love does not leave immediately after parting. For some time, she still wanders through the darkness of the soul, reminds of herself and reopens old wounds.

What to do in order to forget? How can you help yourself? Remember, everything is very individual. Someone should just start a new relationship, another needs to wait and give himself the opportunity to cry. I offer you several solutions. Choose the most suitable for yourself, combine several techniques and you will definitely succeed.

Cut off all contact.

Why is it so hard to forget a person? because modern world very social. Reminder of a person in social networks, new photos, posts and so on.

Delete a person from phone, mail, contact or facebook. If you still have his passwords from social networks- Erase and never, under any circumstances, go to his page.

Sitting on the page of the former and updating every five minutes in anticipation of news is at least stupid. You only lacerate your wounds more. Do not ask your mutual friends anything about him. Don't try to find out how he's doing. Leave. Through force, overcome your desire, force yourself.

Don't be afraid of loneliness.

One of my friends was almost never alone. She always moves from one relationship to another. This helps her a lot to jump over the stage of suffering. new man allows you not to return to old relationships, you can completely plunge into today's emotions and not think about the past. Of course, this option also exists.

Sometimes it can be very useful to be distracted by a new relationship. But this does not guarantee you that the first love will be forgotten quickly and easily. One of my clients, already in a new relationship, constantly said: I can’t forget my first one.

Try to be alone with yourself. Live, enjoy freedom. You do not need to report to anyone, consult or adjust. You are on your own. Finally, you can afford to do everything that you have long dreamed of.

Do not take loneliness as a curse for life. Believe me, you will definitely meet a second love. And now I suggest you read the article "". Surely you will find useful thoughts in it.

Find an occupation.

To make it easier to distract from thoughts about loneliness and about a former companion, find yourself a new occupation. When you just sit at home, thoughts about first love are circling in your head, it is impossible to get rid of them.

Why is this happening? Lots of free time. From this and thoughts in my head. Remember what you wanted to do, maybe you have an old dream of skydiving or hitchhiking to another country.

Sometimes work helps. When a person is headlong into a career, then he does not have time to think about the past. If the work still doesn’t take much time, look for an interesting hobby. So you can meet new people, expand your horizons and bring to life a lot of bright and colorful experiences.

Work on bugs.

One way or another, when parting, the most pleasant and joyful moments from the relationship arise in the head. It seems that this love was forever, I want to return it, what if everything can be fixed?

When you are overwhelmed by such thoughts, switch your attention to the mistakes that you yourself and your partner made. Why did you have conflicts, what was your stumbling block?

Try to understand what you should avoid in the future in a relationship. Maybe you allowed your partner too much and followed his lead. Or, on the contrary, did you tightly tie the leash and the other person suffocated in your relationship? Work on your mistakes and become the best version of yourself.

Through the years.

One of my clients cannot forget her first man even ten years after the breakup. She already had a lot of new partners, but the ghost from the past is still always somewhere nearby. In this case, you just need to wait. Wait until he lets go, even after many years.

Understand that the image of a person in your head is just a ghost that no longer exists. The person has changed, become different. And your love is directed to the person from the past. One of my clients for a long time could not forget the first guy. Everyone dreamed that sooner or later they would be together again.

And now six years have passed, they met by chance and she was struck like an electric shock. She realized that the person is completely different, he has changed almost beyond recognition. And so her love passed in an instant.

Of course, it happens that you can’t forget a person in any way, even if you are married, you already have a family and children. In this case, a psychologist can help. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes it's hard to solve problems on your own.

If you yourself are not in a similar situation, but your friend is suffering, then I have an article that will help you understand how to alleviate her suffering: "".

How long ago did you break up and why? What are you doing to move on?

Don't worry and don't despair. You will definitely get better and you will meet a person with whom you will live happily ever after.
Wish you all the best!

The researchers interviewed more than 300 people who were supposed to talk about the strongest, in their opinion, unhappy love and how they experienced a breakup, RBC reports. After analyzing the data obtained, psychologists came to the conclusion that the minimum time that should elapse from the moment of parting to relative calm is equal to half the time that people were together. That's how long it takes for emotional wounds to heal. For example, if love lasted five years, then recovery after a breakup will take, at best, two and a half years.

This formula, of course, is not universal, says Oksana Deren, a psychotherapist at the Institute of Psychotherapy and Clinical Psychology. “Usually, with normal adaptive capacity, pain resolves in a period of three months to three years. Meanwhile, in each individual case, the period of experiencing the loss of relationships is individual, but the stages of this negative experience are almost the same for everyone. So, the first stage is shock, stunned, followed by rebellion and unwillingness to put up with the collapse of love, then comes depression, sadness, blaming oneself that the relationship did not work out. This state is replaced by the stage of "bargaining": a person is trying to change, present himself from the best sidein order to return his beloved. If this attempt fails, the stage of aggression sets in, the desire for revenge arises. And when the anger passes, there remains a quiet hope that, maybe, everything will someday return. It is only when “hope dies” that the situation is accepted. The person realizes that now these relationships are gone, “the door is closed” and it is time to move into new reality and look to the future.

It is noteworthy that the pain from a gap in men and women has a different nature and consequences. For example, a Yale Medical College study showed that men are three times more likely to be depressed than women in the early years after divorce. However, the pain of parting passes faster in men than in women, and has fewer negative consequences for the psyche. Girls do not suffer as brightly, but about twice as long as men. And, what is most unpleasant, worries about a failed romance often develop into serious psychological problems and illnesses.

For example, researchers from the University of North Carolina reported that the risk of depression and neurosis in adulthood is directly related to the quality of the first strong romantic relationship. A survey of 54 women about the nature of their first love showed that the subjective assessment of first love as "unhappy" or "unrequited" in 75% correlated with the presence of signs depression. Thus, men tend to completely immerse themselves in experiences, but "here and now", and women tend to suffer not so demonstratively, but for a very long time.

By the way, when analyzing “failed” love, psychologists pay special attention to the first experience, which, according to the strength of feelings, many experts put in first place. So, professor of psychology Nancy Kalish from the University of California, who has been studying the phenomenon of first love for more than 13 years, believes that this feeling is not forgotten all life and even tends to flare up after many years. new force. The results of her study showed that almost 80% of "Romeo and Juliet" who found each other after separation and were not married at the time of the meeting, re-marry and stay together for a long time.

However, the memory of first love can play a cruel joke on those who are married. People who decide to find their first love just to see how he or she looks now have no idea that this can destroy their family. “They don’t realize what an avalanche of feelings is released: the same areas are activated in the brain as when taking cocaine! says the psychologist. “Never look for your first love: 62% of searches end in the destruction of marriage and family.”

In this regard, scientists have made an interesting conclusion regarding the nature of love. It turns out that when we stop loving, the "picture" meaning "love", our memory ceases to associate with a former lover. But the "picture" itself remains the same. So, contrary to the hopes of those who suffered from unrequited feelings, love is not forgotten, just how we loved is smoothed out in memory. It is for this reason that a strong, but long-past love can flare up with renewed vigor - just remember how it was.
Do you agree with the article or is it complete nonsense?

No need for sarcastic smiles. First love for many people becomes a problem when they move away from it. First love prevents you from building normal, healthy relationships with the person who is present in the present. Therefore, we will scientifically approach the consideration of the issue of first love, we will understand:

• What is first love?
• Why does nostalgia occur?
• What should you think about if a person is visited by this kind of longing for the unfulfilled?
• specific cases.

Why not forget first love and what is it?

"Nautilus" once sang: "Love is a look from the screen." If translated into prosaic language: love is only an image. Man imagines. He is a being who lives in illusions. Especially the thesis is true when it comes to youthful or teenage. When a person is young and inexperienced, the main tool for understanding the world around him is imagination, he builds castles in the air, idealizes reality. Let's reinforce the reasoning with a textbook example - Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet is an ideal biography of first love. History has everything you need:

1. Crazy, sizzling passion.
2. Obstacles that only temper the feeling and convince people that their first love is eternal!
3. And an early end. Neither Romeo nor Juliet understood what it was? Short-term flash or eternal love?

The cynical author noted that if the lovers had lived longer, and Juliet would have given birth to 3 to 5 children, grown fat, then it remains to be seen how the story would have ended. But it would no longer be Shakespeare, but a prosaic reality where people make mistakes, love passes away, and death is sometimes not fanned by any romantic halo.

At first glance, the reasoning is far from the topic, but it is not. People who ask themselves the question why not forget their first love do not realize that they are creating in their memories a story similar to the one that Shakespeare wrote.

"First love is impossible to forget!" Where does this illusion come from?

First love is an image unconsciously formed by a person. Consider why youthful love outperforms the present? Adult life is:

• From work.
• From family responsibilities.
• From spending time with friends.

It makes no sense to reveal each of the points. Adults know that they may or may not like the three elements of life, but regardless, these three components give rise to routine, and along with it, boredom. And it doesn’t matter whether the position is prestigious, whether it exists or not, whether the wife is beautiful and smart, whether friends are reliable. Boredom is inevitable. A person sits and thinks in the stillness of the evening: “Yes, it is impossible to forget the first love!” After all, I want to go where it was not:

1. Liabilities.
2. Accounts.
3. Boredom and routine.

Human memory is selective and, as N.A. Berdyaev, "has a creative function." What a person remembers is not at all what happened in reality. " Good memories"- these are the facts that a person has unconsciously worked on and creatively changed in a way that is more convenient for him. And it is good that a person has a propensity for such a creation of memories. Imagine a person who would remember the bad or the real.

"I can't forget my first love!" What to do?

This is a warning sign. And he says that a person is not satisfied with his life. Let us recall the components of adult life, if the thought beats in my head like a bird in a cage: “I can’t forget my first love! What to do?" It is necessary to analyze which of those stones of everyday life has loosened. Whether the person is satisfied with family / work / friends. Here is a list of ways to deal with love nostalgia:

1. Analysis and answer to the question why a person remembered his first love.
2. If the problem is found, then the next natural step is the solution.
3. If the longing does not recede, then there is an extreme remedy - to meet with the first love.

The last point is so fascinating that we give in to temptation and fantasize:

1. "First Love" will not remember the name of the person. Perhaps this will be a hoax, because the breakup was painful, but acts soberingly and ends the search.
2. People can be found, but the meeting will take place in a cool atmosphere of mutual alienation, because that very image does not at all coincide with what a person is at the moment.
3. A man and a woman meet and love each other until dawn, then they part forever, because they understand: apart from an unsatisfied desire, nothing connects them.
4. A man and a woman meet, understand: “This is it!” They live happily ever after and die on the same day - a fantastic scenario that sometimes occurs. Why? Because miracles are possible.

“I'm married, but I can't forget my first love! Help!"

Such people think: “You will never forget your first love!” A person remembers only what he wants or depends on. If a married man remembers the first girl he fell in love with tender love, then the problem lies:

• In lifestyle. A person is not satisfied with his everyday life, how life is organized. And he thinks: with the "first love" life would be different.
• no longer pulsates like before. It is unfortunate, but this question cannot be bypassed. Everything is trite: a person is not satisfied with the passion of his wife or her lack of imagination in bed games. A normal sex life is the foundation of a happy marriage. If there is no basis, then joy. They are condemned. If a husband or wife thinks about the past, it means that the present worries them.
• Life routine full of problems. Behind this mysterious wording lies a state when a person thinks: "Everything is somehow wrong."

Nostalgia for first love is an escape from reality.

A person is tired and wants to believe that reality has simple recipes for happiness. There is only one method here: do not run away from problems, but fight them courageously, and not ask yourself: “I am married, but I cannot forget my first love! What am I to do, wretched?

Do people forget their first love?

The answer will upset many. The question of how to forget the first love is meaningless. Because only amnesia can help you forget your first love. The torments of man are clothed in the wrong form. You need to ask yourself not about how to forget your first love forever, but about why such distant memories, albeit pleasant ones, occupy a person more than pressing problems, experiences and joys. After all, the past is dead, but the present and future are alive. When a person understands why the departed grabs his soul, he will know the answer to the question of how to forget his first love. Rather, it will lose its sharpness for a person, familiar features will be erased.

So the question is, do people forget their first love? Answer: No, they don't. They remember, but they stop putting emotions into it. The past can no longer be changed. The first love has remained where it cannot be extracted in any way. The person who evoked this bright feeling is no longer there, even if his physical shell is alive and well. Life changes everyone.

Does a man forget his first love? - ladies ask

It depends on the answer to the question whether crowds of women rush in search of their first love. The solution to the riddle can be found in the previous reasoning. But those who want schemes and classifications, if you please, we will divide men into three types:

1. "The male and the daffodil". This type of man does not remember anyone or anything, because he is intoxicated with the present. He often changes sexual partners, and each month promises a new adventure. In such a busy schedule, it is difficult to remember your childhood and youthful hobbies.
2. An “ordinary guy” differs from a “Male” in that he does not have such a wide choice of partners and his sex life is not so rich and intense. The girls who gave him their body are rarely more than 10. This type remembers his first love. But specific conditions of existence are important, whether he is satisfied with his life, whether he loves his wife.
3. "Shy boy" is at the other extreme from "male". Girls don't really like him, and he had few of them. The likelihood that he suffers from first love - increases, but does she think about him - big question. Otherwise, the factors are the same as in the previous version.

To the question, does a man forget his first love, there is no definite answer. It all depends on the particular man, his character, psyche and conditions of existence.

Why You Shouldn't Resurrect Your First Love Cinematic example

Eldar Ryazanov directed the film " Love affair at work". In it, the side storyline tells just about the insidiousness of the first serious feeling. But if you approach dispassionately, the viewer sees: Yu.G. Samokhvalov is the master of life. Recently arrived from Switzerland, he has a good job, a decent salary and an apartment. O.P. Ryzhovoy's fate did not work out. She has everything like everyone else: a boring job, a husband and a child are a routine. She dreamed of nothing at the age of 20. And then he appears in a halo, if not a winner, then prosperity. Of course, an ordinary employee wants to see him in order to feel the taste of another life. And he pushes her away, because he is used to something else.

Sadly, but such a development of events is the scheme of almost all searches for the lost. First, a person idealizes something, then he finds it, becomes disappointed and lives the way he lived before. There's no getting out of these script ticks.

B. Shaw said: "A person tends to overestimate what he does not possess."

The search for first love arises from the emptiness of life

If suddenly work with a person’s consciousness does not bring results, he is not inclined to analyze his life, and longing for first love is based on the general insipidity of life, then life needs to be painted.

• Do what you have long wanted to ()
• Go to the gym, get in shape. When a healthy mind reigns in a healthy body, life will improve.
• Read something that was not possible, but has long wanted to. For example, they heard, but not everyone read.

A fail-safe cure for blues and melancholy is to embody desires. If we take as a basis the thesis that the search for first love hides the thirst for happiness, then there is no need to wait for mercy from nature, to forge happiness on your own - this is the task of man!

Another win-win option, how to forget, or rather not think about your first love, is to fall in love again. Fresh feelings will drive away sad memories of the past. True, this recipe is only suitable for single or young people. But last, why be sad about first love? Their life is changing rapidly, as in a kaleidoscope: one love has gone, another will come. Young people do not think about their amorous affairs. They line up on their own. Youth rightly believes that it still has not one or two happy events ahead of it. Only old age remembers and yearns, and when it comes, a person decides. The power of consciousness and thought is limitless. A person recognizes himself as old and lives with memories. If a person is young, then he lives not with memories, but with future plans. Youth and old age are a state of mind, not of body.

Do men forget their first love? Much here depends on the temperament of a man, of course, but most of the stronger sex remember their first love, their first girlfriend for life.

Is it good? This has both positive and negative sides. What is the positive aspect of such memories for a woman, because it is no secret that many representatives of the female half of humanity are terribly jealous people? The positive point is that if a man remembers his first love, then he is able to experience sincere feelings and towards his current partner. Such a man really has to love, knows how to feel.

The negative side of “memories of past love” is the banal jealousy of a woman. Yes, a man remembers his first love, because it was the first real feeling that he experienced for a representative of the opposite sex, but is it worth making scandals because of this and being jealous of memories? This is silly. Memories are the past that should be valued, but you need to live in the present, looking with confidence and optimism into a brighter future.

Is it worth trusting a man who convinces that he has forgotten his first love? In most cases, such words are a complete lie. Speaking of their "forgetfulness", men simply do not want to hurt the soul of a woman. But this is hardly true. Only insensitive men, for whom feelings mean nothing, in fact, can forget their first love. And it is very difficult to build happiness with such a person. And does it make sense?

The main thing a woman should remember is the fact that now this man is with her. And first love - well, it's just the first romantic feeling that will remain somewhere in the very corner of a man's heart. And let it glimmer there, letting the man understand that it is necessary to appreciate love and take care of the woman who is next to him now. And only a wise and loving woman is able to respect the feelings of her man, even if the love that faded away many years ago.

What is first love in psychology? First love inspires and makes a person happy.

Experiencing this tender feeling, he strives for self-improvement. Life gets new meaning and each new day brings vivid impressions.

The first love in psychology, from this point of view, is a test of the maturity of the human personality. And its final formation depends on how to pass this first test.

A young person must experience the feeling of falling in love on their own. He must make decisions by listening to his heart, and not to outside advice.

When we first fall in love, neither the status nor the financial situation of the object of love matters to us. The most important are the inner experiences and feelings that we experience.

This mature love is characterized by the acceptance of the personality of another person and attempts to understand him. For young love, their own emotions and impressions come to the fore.

The main lesson that lovers must learn is to learn how to communicate and care for their soulmate, show tenderness and attention to her. It is also very important to be able to control your emotions and feelings.

The foundations of such relationships

Since the first love occurs mainly at a young age and is often platonic, the basis of such relationships are:

• idealization of the object of love;
• notion of its uniqueness and indispensability.

Being in a fit of first love, young people strive to be with their soulmate as soon as possible and spend days with her.

They are in a state of euphoria, which is characterized by a feeling of emotional excitement, an uplifting mood and a sense of security.

At such moments, there is a desire to give and not take anything in return from the object of your love.

The manifestation of care, responsible attitude and respect for a person is characteristic of the state of first love.

Does first love pass in men

Very often, the representatives of the stronger sex remember their first love for a girl for life. Because for many of them, this is the first real feeling.

It also happens that a man marries a woman who looks like his youthful love. The first feeling determines the development of a man's personality, reveals his features.

In fact, it gives an impetus when an insecure young man is able to acquire the qualities of a real man.

Why is she dreaming

In a dream, you can often see a former lover. The reason for this may be the fact that your thoughts are constantly returning to the past.

Maybe there is some kind of understatement and uncertainty in past relationships, which causes mental anguish.

After all, everyone knows that night experiences are a reflection of our thoughts and ongoing reality.

If a woman who dreams about her first love is legally married, then this may be a signal that she is missing something in her relationship with her current spouse.

She constantly returns in her thoughts to the time when she was happy. And the subconscious mind tells her that her marriage is far from ideal.

In the memory of the first love, all the emotions experienced are stored. If someone from a close circle in a conversation recalled a former object of love, then it is not surprising that he may dream.

A person subconsciously may want to return to the past if there is an important unfinished business left there.

First love in psychology in adolescence

Teenage love is characterized by the first impulse of sincere, pure feelings, experiencing which young people begin to look at the world in a new way.

They think it's the best thing that could happen to them. This is the time when studies and parents go by the wayside.

Video: psychologist's advice - how to help survive first love?

During this period, a teenager considers himself an independent, adult person. Often this feeling occurs during puberty, when there are serious hormonal surges in the body.

Boys and girls become prone to mood swings and experience the most conflicting emotions.

Teenage love rarely develops into a serious relationship, but if this happens, then this period will play a big role in shaping the personality.

First love overshadows the whole world and is of great importance in the spiritual development of each person.

That is why she always leaves her mark on the heart for the rest of her life. This is a wonderful time of follies that fill life with meaning.

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First love and the prerequisites for its occurrence. The article will consider the reasons for the collapse of romantic illusions and ways to start new life.

The content of the article:

First love is the brightest, most touching feeling that often occurs in young people. They didn’t experience it unless they were completely cold-hearted, who don’t care about such nonsense, because real emotions are beyond their concept. In most cases, a test of one's strength when communicating with the opposite sex leaves an indelible mark on a person's soul. The experience of such a plan does not always end in a happy ending, so you should understand the further line of behavior of the victim of the first relationship.

Prerequisites for the emergence of the first feeling

• Transitional age. If you do not take into account the manifestation of sympathy of babies in kindergarten and fidget in primary school, then at an older age, real African passions begin to boil between teenagers. Hormonal background when they grow up, it changes, which can radically change the behavior of boys and girls. The fluids that they begin to exchange are so palpable that it sometimes frightens teachers and parents.
• The principle of "be like everyone else". This phenomenon is also called the conformist reaction, which has been studied in some detail by psychologists. Under it, people begin to do certain things only for the reason that it is customary. A person who has not previously experienced tender feelings for a representative of the opposite sex urgently organizes a feverish search for an object for passion. He does not want to be different from acquaintances who have already formed their first love couples.
• Continuation friendly relations . Very often, feelings at first love arise after warm and trusting relationship between people. Friendship is, first of all, a community of interests and a desire to spend leisure time together. If a person is often near a member of the opposite sex, then the habit of constant contact with him can lead to the described romantic feeling.
• Need for recognition. Sometimes the first love arises for people who stand out in some way in their immediate environment. It is very easy to feel sympathy for an idol and leader, because such personalities have strong charisma. Therefore, having achieved reciprocity from the general pet, it is really possible to increase one's own status at the expense of it.

Signs of first love in people

1. Constant thoughts about the object of passion. In this case, all friends and acquaintances fade into the background or are completely forgotten. A person plunges into the world of dreams, where there is no place for everyday life with all its realities. An exceptionally liked person appears before your eyes, which is perfect in every way.
2. Desire to always be around. Sometimes this takes the form of obsession, because the victim of the first love is relentlessly pursuing the adored object. Our feelings are not always mutual, so such obsession can be annoying. With mutual sympathy, the voiced factor will delight and touch in the first phase of the relationship. But each individual should have a personal space with a natural desire to be for some time without the supervision of an ardent boyfriend or a girl in love staring intently into the eyes.
3. The desire to protect the person you like. If such an initiative arises, then this is direct evidence of the emerging interest of another special one. At the same time, you want to shield the object of interest with your back, both physically and morally. Potential offenders will have a hard time if the first love overtook a strong defender personality.
4. Interest in the needs of another person. We do not pay attention to the preferences of people who are indifferent to us. When love arises, a person changes, because the course of life of the person he likes is important to him. Very successful is the option in which the interests of the objects of the first relationship coincide.
5. Physiological reaction to the object of passion. Nothing changes in our body if we do not have tender feelings for another person. If he ignited a spark of passion in us, then when we meet him, there is a trembling in the body and a rapid heartbeat. In some cases, poor fellows in love begin to blush and stutter, giving themselves away with such behavior.
6. Idealization of the object of love. It is unlikely that anyone will want to idolize an insignificant person, because this is contrary to all logic. If the first serious feeling has come, then the chosen one definitely has some features that distinguish him from others. A person blinded by love for already existing virtues will come up with many more illusory character traits for his idol that will elevate the chosen one to unimaginable heights.
7. Phone and social media addiction. It is easy to identify the victim of the first passion, because she nervously glances at the intercom and waits for a call. If the signal is not received, she begins to frantically throw sms at the object she likes. The entire profile of a person in love will be full of hearts, confessions of passion and love thematic pictures.

Note! All of these signs do not in themselves pose a threat to another person. The exception is those cases when love turns into obsession and outright aggression.

Causes of the collapse of the first love illusions

• long separation. There are rare cases when the voiced factor only strengthens the feeling. However, this is more of a fairy tale than reality. The separation will not destroy only those relationships when the couple has lived together for quite a long time and she has children.
• epiphany. Rose-colored glasses can make it difficult to see the true nature of the object of first love. Putting another person on a pedestal, you can bitterly regret it later. Over time, emotions tend to become dull, which makes it possible to consider the ideal more carefully. In addition, some actions of the chosen one will manifest themselves after a certain period of time, bringing in most cases disappointment.
• End of romance. The first phase of a relationship is a wonderful time that cannot last forever. It is this period that fuels the love that has arisen, making it a colorful and unforgettable event. Then gray everyday life comes, capable of killing passion and attraction. Exceptionally deep feelings will be able to withstand such a test, but the first relationship is usually still immature and vulnerable.
• Frequent conflicts. The described phenomenon can occur at any age, but most often it happens during adolescence. Consequently, young people do not have experience in relationships with the opposite sex. As a result, in the absence of the ability to compromise, the couple constantly scandals, destroying the first love that has arisen.
• Treason. Betrayal in this case can be both moral and physical. Rarely does anyone forgive such things, and the couple breaks up. In case of forgiveness of the offense old relationship and there will be no more trust.
• Different outlooks on life. Especially at a young age, this factor can push partners away from each other. The reason for this is that mature people, when love arises, are able to adapt to each other. The younger generation is often intolerant in their conclusions and may be disappointed in the object of passion due to various hobbies.
• Excessive psychological pressure. In the foreground in this case, it is best to put such a phenomenon as a sense of ownership and excessive jealousy. This is especially true for boys and girls who are most prone to such negative outbursts of emotions. Not trusting their first partner, they are ready to arrange a real shadowing of him. Rare people will appreciate such increased care that will nullify even the most ardent feeling.
• Unrequited first love. Our emotions do not always find a counter response from the person you like. Very often, an attempt to build a relationship with the opposite sex ends in defeat, because the attracted object does not accept courtship. You won’t be forced to be nice, so you shouldn’t waste your energy on conquering an impregnable fortress.

Consequences of the first love failure

1. New relationship out of revenge. A wedge is knocked out with a wedge - a wonderful expression, but not in this case. The victim of broken illusions may consider such actions to be the ideal way out of the situation. Some guys and girls are even ready to marry the first person they meet in order to annoy their first chosen one. As a result, the offender will live happily, and new family or the couple will most likely break up after a while.
2. Disappointment in the concept of "love". Such an extreme very often overtakes people who have been betrayed by the object of their tender feelings. Such a denouement awaits those who did not receive reciprocal feelings from the person they liked. All this can lead to the formation of complexes and the denial of love altogether.
3. Numerous sexual relations. It's time for youth - a time of trial and error. Young people learn to build relationships with the opposite sex, but everything should be within reason. In some cases, after the first unsuccessful experience in love, guys and girls begin to regularly change their partners. Someone does this out of desperation, and someone is simply sexually promiscuous and does not know the basics of sexual culture.
4. Fear of new relationships. Once stepping on a rake, not everyone will dare to repeat this heroic deed. Disappointment in first love can bring real heartache the injured party. Consequently, she will be afraid of repeating her bitter experience.
5. Living in past relationships. Focusing on the problem leads to just such a negative result. The mechanism of projecting the past onto the present is turned on, which does not lead to anything good in the end.
6. Depression. Unnecessary memories can develop voiced mental pathology. A person who has failed in his first love is able to lose interest in the world around him.
7. suicide attempt. This paradoxical method of solving the problem that has arisen can be both demonstrative and conscious. In this case, we should already talk about the help of a professional, because such an act is a clear deviation from the norm.

How to quickly forget your first love

The decision is made, and the person wants to get rid of painful memories. Many people at the same time wonder how to forget the first love. There is nothing impossible in the world, but you should be wary of wrong actions when solving a problem that has arisen.

Wrong behavior after a breakup

• Revenge on the object of first love. It is not a fact that the opinion and feelings of the former partner are generally important to him. Violent activity on his part will at most cause a smile on the side that has not suffered. Small dirty tricks produced by an offended person will also not produce the expected effect of an exploding bomb.
• Rapid new relationship. In the pool with his head - an excellent solution for persons narrow-minded or frivolous. Such people are ready to create an alliance even with a monkey, but to quickly and preferably immediately. Who will benefit from this is a big question that could end in another fiasco.
• Persecution of the object of passion. Starving is a wonderful option, but usually ineffective. If you wish, you can sleep under the door of a former lover or ex-half, if in this case everyone is happy with everything. However, at the same time, it is more realistic to catch a cold, and the object of passion will simply disappear through the balcony for a painless solution to the claims of an obsessive person.
• Pressure for pity. A trembling chin, a single tear on a cheek sunken from experiences and shaking hands are a powerful arsenal for returning the former feelings of a traitor. The main thing is to do this periodically, so that the object of passion begins a nervous tic, and he hates the sufferer with all the fibers of his soul.
• Suicide threat. Skillfully twisted loop, elegant bottle of sleeping pills, blunt straight razor veins are also quite good in the fight for happiness. At the same time, it is imperative to call the offender into the arena of tragic events and read him an hour-long pathetic speech about the impossibility of living in the world without an object of passion. The former half will definitely try to run away, because she is not ready to return to the crazy fan.
• Assault on acquaintances of first love. It is necessary to guard them in all unimaginable and most inaccessible places. In this case, a simple sob will not do, because you need to sob with crocodile tears. Ideally, it is recommended to fall on the chest of a dumbfounded mutual friend and demand world justice from him. If after that many people start avoiding the idea generator, then this is a ridiculous accident, and not a fear of being caught by the sufferer.
• Keeping all means of communication with the first love. The internet is meant to set traps former partners. Do not believe in the myth that the World Wide Web was created to obtain information. It is necessary to fill up the former soulmate with emoticons and tearful poems about unhappy love. If the victim of the attack put the initiator in the block, then it is worth creating new accounts and storming the page of your loved one again.

Productive methods of getting rid of intrusive memories

1. Get rid of all provocateurs. You should not make an altar in the house from things that will remind you of an unhappy first love. Letters, postcards, souvenirs must be hidden away, if the hand does not rise, throw it all away. Over time, the wounds will heal, so in the future, looking at significant objects will not cause an attack of acute mental pain.
2. temporary seclusion. There is no need to immediately rush into the cycle of entertainment if the impressions of first love are still fresh. Some period of time is simply necessary to put your thoughts and feelings in order. This will help doing what you love and putting in order the accumulated cases that were postponed until later during the period of violent manifestation of feelings.
3. A clear timeline of thoughts about first love. Psychologists recommend this clever trick, which usually works. You should make a setting for yourself every minute to think about lost feelings strictly from 8.00 to 10.00. Then you need to switch to other objects for attention until 17.00. It is recommended to give the next segment until 19.00 to the most-beloved person in order to resume past experiences. After a certain period of time, the desire to recreate the past will subside, and then completely disappear.
4. Making a diary of memories. This effective technique should also be voiced, which only initially seems ineffective. It is necessary to take a notebook and carefully paint all the stages of an unsuccessful first love. After analyzing this on paper, you need to destroy the notebook and subconscious memories along with it.
5. Complete denial of communication. If the couple parted amicably and without mutual claims, then friendship between them is likely in the future. However, it may not last long, because often the first love arises not on the basis of common interests, but on attraction and curiosity. If there was a painful break in relations, then it is necessary to cut off all ways to return.
6. visit interesting events . After a short respite, you can safely start a new life, which will soon be filled with vivid impressions. You should love yourself and give the opportunity to the soul to patch up the wounds received.

Behavior when meeting first love many years later

• Intimate talk. With first love, you can afford to drink a cup of coffee, while carefully studying the changes that have taken place in the life of the former subject of passion. There is a high probability that what you hear will be very disappointing, because people change and not always for the better. In addition, a once attractive burning brunette or a spectacular blonde could turn into a balding man, burdened with excess weight, or a lady of immense size with thoughts only of diapers and new dishes.
• Refusal of idealization. The time of rose-colored glasses has irrevocably passed, because people tend to gain life experience. If relationships in the past did not reach the long-awaited happy ending, then there was a good reason for this. It is necessary to understand for yourself that the first bitter disappointment in a person can be repeated. Is it worth it to try again if all the facts warn otherwise.
• Clear perspective analysis. In this case, it is worth separating the former couple, which has already become free from bonds at the time of the meeting, and family people. Breaking is not building, so the updated version in the form of a reboot is very dangerous for a non-free person. If both former lovers are loners, then you should also think about how a renewed relationship can end.

Question to the psychologist:

Hello dear psychologists. I ask you for advice in my situation. The thing is, I can't forget my first love. We started dating when we were both 17 years old. I think it was such a real first love, the first adult relationship. I loved him very much, I trusted him very, very much and could tell about everything, and he always supported and reassured me. I felt very good with him. Of course, I wanted to marry him, and we talked a lot about it. But he said that it was necessary to wait, because there was no housing, no normal work, and so on. We dated for 5 years, but I never got an offer.

There was a lot of things and they cursed, of course, but, it seems to me, closer and native person I won't meet again. And then I met my ex-husband at work, who simply convinced me that I live wrong and my young man does not love me at all, does not appreciate me, etc. We talked a lot at work, I felt that I was just plunging into this "swamp". I asked for my young man do something, otherwise he will lose me, asked me to change something, take me somewhere, well, at least do something!! But either his actions were not so significant, or the ex-husband was such a specialist. In general, we broke up on my initiative. They tried to renew the relationship in a month, but it didn’t work out, it seemed to me that if I didn’t get married in 5 years, it means that I don’t love me at all. Although I saw that I was hurting him very much and parting was terribly painful for me too ... Soon I began to meet with my ex-husband, a year later we got married. Only after the wedding did I really understand what kind of person he was and we divorced very quickly, after a month and a half. The main reason is that the ex-husband is just a psycho, he yelled obscenities at me, called me last words, reproached that I had an intimate relationship with a former young man ... A nightmare, if you remember. But I got pregnant, and, in fact, this was the main reason for the divorce, I was afraid of losing the child because of his absolutely inadequate behavior. Of course, I was going through a divorce, plus we worked together. But I realized that I did not have love for him, there was pity. Well, at the age of 23 I wanted to get married and have a child, I got it all.

Now my daughter is already three years old, I am raising her alone, I even left for another city (by invitation to work) in order to avoid endless claims and accusations ex-husband. With all my heart I wish him happiness, and I want to start a new life!

For all this time, and from the moment of parting with the first MCH, 5 years have passed, the divorce from my husband was 3.5 years ago, I no longer had any relationship, no flirting, no communication: I work a lot, I need to provide for my daughter. My first young man also got married, he is doing well, but suddenly, after five years of separation, I realized that I love him very much, that I only want to be with him. But after all, for all this time, he did not even try to return me, which means that this was not love. I can't let go of the past. I dream and think about him all the time. I understand what a fool I was that I destroyed everything myself. How can I force myself to let it go? How can I cope with the obsessive thought that he has not forgotten me, and that he is not happy with his wife. Why suddenly after so many years, all the feelings flared up again? I have a completely different life, I don’t even communicate with those people from the past now. How to get rid of the thought, what if it is still possible, what if we will be together? How to force yourself not to think about him, or still write to him? But this is wrong, he has his own life.

The psychologist Galina Petrovna Burovtseva answers the question.

Hello Maria.

1) "... I just can't let go of the past ...". Maria, the past is the past. Imagine that you are on a train, the station is left behind, and you are all tormented by the fact that you wanted to buy something there and did not buy it. How will you do it? Get off the train and come back? Probably not. Buy what you need at another station ahead of you. It's a metaphor, of course. But, Maria, it makes no sense to grieve over the past, we must build the present. Understand that "You cannot enter the same water twice." The past is behind, the train goes on to new frontiers and it depends on you what kind of events these will be, with what feelings you will live them.

2) "... How can I force myself to let him go? .." Most likely, your "First Love" has become a kind of totem for you: "Now, if I were with him, I would be happy." blaming yourself for mistakes is not productive. In fact, everything may not be at all as you imagine. After all, for some reason he did not propose to you for 5 years. Question. There is no point in returning to the past again and again, drawing fictitious pictures. You are now, most likely, lonely, you want warmth, care, attention. And this is normal. Every person wants warmth and tenderness. But it is useless to live in an illusion, even the sweetest one, it is more life-affirming to live in the present, intending the future. How? The question is not easy, for one answer to decide.

3) “... How can I cope with the obsessive thought that he has not forgotten me, but is not happy with his wife. Why suddenly, after so many years, all feelings flared up again? .. ”-quote. Obsessive thoughts about your friend's attitude towards you are a consolation that you yourself have come up with. It relieves emotional stress. You don't know how things really are, do you? In fact, he may be unhappy, or he may be happy. He has his own life. Of course, he may remember you, but this does not mean at all that he is ready to leave the family. Mary is certainly hurt to realize that you could live in happy marriage and live alone with a child. But it would be really impossible to check whether this is so, because everything has already happened. There is only one way to cope with an obsessive thought - stop feeding it with energy, pictures, memories.

4) “... How to get rid of the thought, what if it’s still possible, what if we will be together? How to force yourself not to think about him, or still write to him? .. ”-quote. Maria, only you can decide this for yourself. But psychology says that in order to believe, you need to see, that is, make sure that you are right or wrong. It may be worth writing and getting an answer that may calm you down. But he may not answer. Be prepared for this.

5) "... But this is wrong, he has his own life ..."-quote. If your morality forbids you from certain actions, is it worth it to go against its rules. The concept of “right or wrong” is very relative. These are the laws of ethics, which, as is known throughout the world and among different peoples are very different.

Listen to your heart. It will not deceive you.

4.6333333333333 Rating 4.63 (15 Votes)

Hello everyone! I am 23 years old and I have a problem - I can not forget my first love. It all started with a break at school. Then I was in the 7th grade, and he was in the 10th. I remember I ran up the stairs, ahead of the guy, turning around I saw him and fell in love. I don't know, I remember how yesterday I realized that I wanted to be with him. This feeling boiled up in me so much that my heart just jumped out of my chest. A year has passed, I was already finishing 8th grade, and he was 11th - preparing for exams and graduation. My best friend 3 months before his graduation, started dating his best friend. Then I found out the name of my lover - Alexei. And it so happened that in May, a month before their graduation, we met him and started the whole friendly company walk together. Graduation passed - he left to enter and a month later returned home for the rest of the summer. We also continued to walk together as a whole company. At that moment, it didn’t matter to me if we were ever together or not, I just felt good that we were close. Summer has passed - he went to study. Six months later he returned home to new year holidays, and by chance we met with him and our mutual friends on the street. Communication and walks continued. Six months later, for the summer, he returned again. We began to communicate more closely, there was no longer any embarrassment and fear, with something to share with each other. We began to communicate openly. Summer was coming to an end and he had to come back again. He promised to send his new number as soon as he arrives. A year passes, by that time I had already finished the 10th grade and moved to the 11th. And now he came again, they were glad to see each other. A month later, he left for the numbers from where he wrote to me and called. 3 weeks passed and he returned home again. We became even closer to communicate, every evening until 5 in the morning we chatted with each other while sitting on my bedside near the house. And then one fine day, he called and said that he was waiting for me near the house so that I could go out for a walk. When I went out, I saw that he had come to my house all alone, although before that our whole company had come. I think something is wrong here. Once in the car, we both drove to the field, where we often met. Sitting in the car and chatting with each other on all sorts of topics, he fell silent for a moment and kissed me. And at that moment, our relationship took off. I finished school, came to him, began to live together. In a year living together we cursed, called names, hated each other. Reconciled, lived together in love. Whirlwind of emotions and feelings. I am an impulsive, explosive person, but quickly moving away from quarrels. After a year of such life, we decided to disperse. I saw that his feelings for me were cooling down and all this was fueled by his parents, who put a lot of pressure on him to end this relationship. To be honest, I loved him very much, I felt in him a kindred person, understanding, and trusted him like myself. But time passed, under the onslaught of parents, constant pressure, he left me. Then the world collapsed, depression began. But time healed and after a year it became easier. I could not immediately forget the person I had known for 4 years. 3 years after the breakup, he got married. Through our communication with a friend, I found out that for the first time after parting, he was interested in me. It has now been almost 4 years since the breakup. We never saw each other even though we live on the same street. Once we ran into him, but he pretended not to recognize me. After this incident, six months later, he responded to my congratulations on social networks. I asked him how he is. I asked about that accidental collision - he answered that he could not come up, knowing that I was very offended by him for leaving me. She asked if he was bored. and remembers me. He answered that I was not a stranger to him, and these relationships and feelings would remain forever in his memory and soul. I don't know why I wanted to call him. But no one picked up the phone. I haven't been in a relationship since we broke up. And it doesn’t work out, not a single guy could still evoke in me a feeling of love and care. Sometimes I want to write to our mutual friend and ask to organize our meeting, but the fear of seeing another person, getting confused and just running away more, and now he has a wife. The fear that he will see me changed, different and without a personal life, also scares me. How to be....? Friends just say to forget .... But time did not let me forget him forever ...