How to choose a man for happiness. Who chooses a life partner? questions you must ask yourself when choosing a husband

The site "Sunny Hands" is aimed at ensuring that a woman can build a strong relationship with a man, so that these very relationships do not fall apart due to elementary mistakes. At the same time, naturally, I assume that the man with whom the woman builds a relationship is at least elementarily suitable for her.

And such an emphasis, when 95% of articles are aimed at building relationships, and not selecting a man, in my opinion, is justified. After all, whatever you say, but most men are the most ordinary. (Although you do not need to tell them this. After all, everyone considers himself unique and such that not a single rule applies to him).

Nevertheless, if you choose the wrong man, then it is completely impossible to build a relationship with him. If the choice is really wrong, then any knowledge of male psychology and any effort is meaningless. All efforts will be shattered by wrong choices.

So, the conclusion is obvious, you need to learn how to choose men. I think that no woman has any desire to spend years of effort on something that in the end will only lead to pain and disappointment. And after you have chosen a man, you need to learn how to avoid a number of mistakes. I wrote about them in detail in the book "23 mistakes with men".

I will immediately answer a frequently encountered objection, which can be heard directly, either through the script of the film or the plot of the book.

Supposedly, a woman may have selection criteria, but when she falls in love with a man, she forgets about these criteria. And since a woman during falling in love forgets about her criteria, then these very criteria should not be developed and learned to use them.

What can I object?

At first, if a woman says and writes one thing about her ideal of a man, but falls in love with a completely different one, then she simply does not know herself. That is, if a woman writes to herself or tells others that she likes calm and reliable men, but falls in love with villains, then she simply does not fully understand her desires. And the basic desires, as you know, are in our subconscious and we often do not fully understand what is in this subconscious. But your subconscious mind can be studied and changed.

Secondly, a happy family depends on the mutual love of 20-30 percent, no more. Therefore, if a woman falls in love and does not marry the man of her dreams, but then does everything more or less correctly, then the likelihood of true love and successful long-term relationships is high. If a woman constantly falls in love with completely unsuitable men, then it is all the more necessary for her to learn to identify these unsuitable ones. After all, if you fall in love with unsuitable people all the time, then how to build a happy family life?

How to choose a man?

First, listen carefully to what and how the man is talking.

The rule here is: If a man says he won't do it, then most likely he will.... (Or he is generally silent on some topic).

First example when a man says that he will create a great business, that he will become rich, that he ..., then it is far from the fact that he will succeed. After all, to succeed, desire alone is clearly not enough. You also need certain qualities of character, a certain technology, etc.

But if a man says that he is absolutely not interested in business, that he always wants to work for someone, that he cannot become a businessman, or even that he is satisfied with life at the level of the living wage, then it will be so with a probability of 95%.

After all, if a person does not want anything and does not strive for anything, then, with rare exceptions, he will have nothing. And do not think that you can convince him and remake him. Of course, it is possible that a man's outlook will change, that he will become more ambitious, under the influence of a woman as well, but this is rare. Usually a man already has some kind of ambition, but lacks faith in himself, which is often given to him by a woman.

Second example, which is closer to the topic. The man says that he is marrying a woman. It is not a fact that this will actually happen, but for a start it is a good sign. (Of course, if he does not say this in the course of seduction, in order to drag the woman into bed. If so, then it is likely that the man's words are nothing more than a shake of air).

However, if a man says that he will never marry, that all men who have married are fools, and that a bachelor lifestyle is the best for a man, then this is most likely the case.

Women who do not believe these words and believe that they can marry such a man are almost 100% mistaken. And again, I am not saying that a man will not change his beliefs. It is possible that in 5 years he will start thinking differently. Perhaps in 5 years he will marry.

But are you ready to wait these 5 years? And whether this man will marry you or another woman in five years, that is the question. Of course, there are such cases with a happy outcome. But this is quite rare, like winning in a lottery that you shouldn't even count on.

So, if a man says that he will do something, then it may or may not happen. If a man treats something sharply negatively, then he most likely will not do this.

There are very few James Bond who do, but at the same time are silent about their exploits and do not brag to women.

What to do with this rule? If we return to the first example, where money is not important for a man, meditations or something else is important to him, and he is quite satisfied with life at the level of the living wage, that is, extreme poverty. However, another rule of life says that "Falling in love passes, but you want to eat every day." Consequently, if you marry such a man, have children, and then naturally, tired of lack of money and the fact that you work a lot, start demanding from a man that he began to earn money, then he can quite rightly tell you that he warned you ...

After all, he actually warned you that a cup of rice a day, some torn pants and a sofa is enough for him. (Well, maybe another TV or computer game) What else do you want from him? Do you want him to make three cups of rice a day? Well, thank you.

Therefore, if you want a man to provide your future family with at least the very minimum of material comfort, then such a man, of course, is not suitable for you. Again, I am not suggesting that you marry for money. Just understand that a happy family life and a chronic need for money do not go well together, no matter how you study other rules of family life.

In the second example, if you want to get married, then a man who does not want to get married and openly declares this is also clearly not suitable. Conversely, if you do not want to get married (you really do not want), which is quite a rarity among women, then such a man may be quite suitable for you. He clearly will not distract you from your career and pester you with wedding proposals, etc.

After reading the first rule, it may seem to you that I am saying quite obvious things, such as that the earth is flat and that the sun revolves around the earth. However, life says exactly the opposite. The simplest things are far from obvious, and even if they are obvious in theory, they are not applied in practice. Put the obvious things into practice and life will immediately become easier.

Second, look at what the man is doing..

If a man wants to do something or achieve something in words, then this is already good. However, words are one thing, but actions and real results are another.

Take a close look at the actions of men in general in life and in relation to you in particular. The man's words will give you some basis for what the man won't do, but a faint indication of what he can do.

Only by actions and results can a person be fully correctly evaluated. A correct understanding of actions, of course, requires a certain life experience, but if you practice little by little, you will soon learn to separate idle talk from actions.

In total, the rule is that only by the actions of a man can one more or less reliably determine what he really is.

Many times in my life I have met people who had an extraordinary talent for telling beautiful stories about how they would do something. These stories they could tell me and, of course, women. If you listen to their magical stories, it seems that the fairy tale has practically come true. You just need to give this person money, or if we are talking about a woman, then love.

As a rule, such men have some kind of charm, charisma and self-confidence, otherwise no one would listen to them and believe them.

However, some time passes, and we see that there is no result. This usually does not bother the "storyteller" at all and he continues to tell another "fairy tale" as if nothing had happened.

Therefore, the charm of a man is a wonderful quality, but still the focus should be on the man's actions, not his words!

For example, you want to determine if a man likes you or not.... The words of men here are generally not an indicator for this. Indeed, in this situation, men never tell the truth, but lie more or less (and women do not need those who do not lie and do not embellish reality).

Therefore, we need a more precise criterion to cut off those who really like you from those who just flirt out of boredom and do not mind having sex if possible.

And this criterion is only the actions of a man. Once again, I repeat that any words of men should not be taken as an indicator that he likes a woman. Such criteria can only be his actions.

And what are the actions of a man? It would seem that it is easier. Actions - this is when a man invited a woman to dinner, actions are when a man gives gifts, actions are when a man in communication with a woman's friends managed to impress them, right?

No, it’s not true. It was just such actions that I least had in mind. If a man does what is described above, then this is more likely a result of training, when a man learned what a woman likes at the first meetings, than an indicator that he really likes a woman. (Although it will go along with other actions).

In short, it is usually:

- an attempt to help a woman in a given situation;

- actions to be with her (solves housing problems, saves and buys an apartment);

- changes in some habits in herself or even character traits that are unpleasant to her (it becomes more accurate, washes more often, stops swearing in front of a woman, etc.);

- achieving success in the area that is important for a particular woman;

- normal response to refusal of sex in the first 1-5 meetings.

Now, if we return to success or other other achievements. Achieving some kind of success in life also requires action. And not just actions, but these actions should be long in time, rather intense and, besides this, the ability to learn is important.

Is your potential or existing man capable of such actions? Is he already achieving any results in life? It is better, of course, that these results were caused precisely by his actions, and not only by external pressure. (For example, as in sports, they are largely caused by external pressure from a coach. Or as in education, when parents pay for a university and force their child to study).

It is not even necessarily about outstanding results. But a man must be able to make efforts at something for at least a few months in order to achieve something in life.

A few more examples of how to choose a man and what to look for when choosing a man.

- If a man communicates too much with his parents, especially with his mother (it doesn't matter if they have a good relationship or not), if he blames others for all his failures, then most likely he is a psychological child in development.

It will be quite difficult to rely on such a man in life and get support from him. To some extent, this is fixable, if he is still young and he is 20-25 years old, but if he is over 30, then it is already much more difficult.

- If a man is rude to you, then most likely he does not respect you. Of course, the rudeness of rudeness is different. Periodic skirmishes occur in any family. But if this is an ordinary situation for your relationship, and a man at the same time shows rudeness and outright rudeness, then he does not respect the woman or has ceased to respect her for some reason. Why this is happening is another question, but the fact remains.

- If a man responds to your requests for help and is ready to spend his time, money and nerves on you, then this means that he most likely likes you.

In total, words are already something. Words are better than nothing at all. But nevertheless, words remain just words. And you can understand what kind of man is only by his actions.

Interpreting the actions of a man to women is sometimes not as easy as it seems. After all, men sometimes act completely illogical, by the standards of women. (For example, they are silent when they are not offended at all, etc.). But nevertheless, there are standard sets of actions by which one can understand that a man likes a woman, that a man will become more or less wealthy, that a man is ready to marry, that a man is jealous, that a man is an extreme egoist in life, etc.

Study these steps.

I warn you right away that you do not need to rush from one extreme to another. The words of men, of course, are always different from what he does in reality. Of course, not all plans are being implemented, not everything comes out of what he said. Even the most successful men, according to their estimates, get about 30-40% of what is planned. But 40% or even 20% may already be good. (This, of course, is not about household promises, such as, for example, to come on a date, but about life plans for several years ahead. The promise to come on a date should be kept in 99% of cases).

Third, shared values.

I understand values ​​in the broadest sense of the word. These are habits, morality, attitude to life, life experience before meeting, mutual acquaintances, etc.

It is very difficult for two people to live together in one apartment with completely different values. If the values ​​are still different, then first one and then the other partner will constantly and unconsciously "step" on the painful points of the other, and not even understand what is happening. And then someone, more often a woman, can get tired of it.

For example, a woman thinks that while eating, you need to hold a fork in your left hand, and a knife in your right (or vice versa, it doesn't matter), but for a man the most delicious meat is when it is eaten with your hands and smacked with pleasure at the same time. If for a woman it does not matter how a man eats, then this is one thing, but if it is important for her to observe these, in her opinion, minimum rules of etiquette (is a value), and a man's behavior is swinish, then life together between them will be very difficult. Three times a day a man will make a woman unpleasant, a woman will be offended or even swear, and everyone will consider himself right.

If you think that because of such "little things" people do not quarrel and do not disagree, then you either do not know life well, or you are moving in a very narrow circle where all people are similar to each other (not in character, of course, but in values) ...

As you probably already understood, not just some rule of life leads to a conflict between men and women, but only if one of them considers this rule to be very important for some reason and does not want to change their views.

What other examples can you give?

- A woman may consider that she should be the most important for a man, and a man may consider that first the parents, and then the wife. (This may not necessarily be manifested in words, more often in actions, when your partner is not on your side, but takes the position of parents).

- A woman believes that it is necessary to be honest with people as much as possible, and a man believes that only fools live without deception and at any suitable moment substitutes his friends and partners without any remorse.

- A woman believes that it is permissible for a man to drink one hundred grams of vodka once every 2 months, and a man believes that it is permissible for a man to drink a bottle of vodka twice a week.

Now an example of a conversation between a man and a woman with different values.

- Darling, Why are my socks under the chair a catastrophe, and your flowers, living throughout the apartment in compressed pieces of dirt, are an element of the interior?

Why does an empty saucepan in the refrigerator surprise you, but do you find it normal to pour soup from a large saucepan, first into a medium one, then into a small one, and finally into a bowl?

Why do you ask me to take you to a meeting with my friends, and then whine that you are bored, tired and want to go home?

Where did your confidence that I had a diploma of an electrician and plumbing technician come from?

Why do you snort contemptuously when you see Segal in an action movie on the TV screen and are mortally offended that I don’t want to watch any regular melodrama with you?

Why are you so annoyed when I look into pots and pull food out of it and get so angry if I'm not interested in your cooking?

(As you probably already guessed - this is an anecdote, but quite a life one).

I will not give examples anymore. And so it is clear that there may be a couple of hundred of them. Because of any of this reason, as you probably already understood, quarrels, irritation and even divorce can arise. Whether or not a violent fight depends on how important a man or woman considers these values.

People with different values ​​(mentality) are not interested in talking to each other, they can constantly get annoyed with each other over "little things", it is difficult for them to move towards something together, and so on. At the same time, separately, a man and a woman can be quite good people, but it will be difficult for them to live together.

When you fall in love, it seems that different values ​​are not important. However, strong love passes after a year or two, and then different values ​​come to the fore and begin to guide the happiness of a man and a woman.

Now back to choosing a man. If your potential man is radically different from you in relation to life, in values, mentality, previous experience, etc., then it will be very, very difficult for you to live together, if at all possible. This must be understood. When it comes to sex, love, dating for a period of several months, then this may not be so important, but when it comes to family life, then think a few times.

There are several options for behavior if the values ​​are very different. The first is not going close to dating men whose values ​​are completely different from yours. This, if possible, is the best and correct way. The second way is to completely adjust to the man and change your ideas about life. This is not very easy, especially if the woman is over 30 years old. I myself have never met with a complete restructuring of human values ​​in my life, but I read on the Internet stories of women who married Turkish, etc. men, where they learned to resemble Muslim women in behavior and appearance and did not seem to even feel any discomfort from this.

The third way is to remake a man's values. This option is partially possible, but even a partial rework of values ​​is usually a long and painful process.

The simplest thing is not to create problems for yourself, which will then need to be solved for years and cannot always be solved. Find men with similar values ​​for yourself and you will make your life easier dozens of times.

How to identify a person's values? This is usually easy enough. A person with different values, even if you like it, is usually perceived as a “stranger”. You do not understand him at all, it is clear that he does not fully understand you, this person may be offended for reasons you do not understand, etc. (Of course, distinguish between misunderstandings due to different psychology of men and women and different values).

In addition, you can talk with him on various topics, from attitudes towards parents, household chores, parenting, films and books that he reads and you can understand that he is completely different. (Not a different character and even hobbies, please note. This is just often good, but a different outlook).

In total, if a man is fundamentally different from you in values, then he is most likely not suitable for you. And the older you and the man, the less flexible, the stronger this rule is.

Of course, these criteria are not limited to what you need to consider when choosing a man, but the article turned out to be too long. Therefore, I decided to write the second part of the article, read “How to choose a man? Which men are not suitable for long-term relationships. (Part 2)"?

Best regards, Rashid Kirranov.

We choose, we are chosen ...

Among men, sometimes there are such types, similar in body to God, when Apollo or Adonis are resting. You look at this and think: "Thank you, Mother Nature!"
But women, after amorous pleasures with such a handsome man, begin to worry about the question:

is her man suitable for starting a family?

At first glance, it's hard to keep from men who look like Adonis. They are tall, stately, handsome, beautifully built and look great both in a tracksuit and a tuxedo.

Dear ladies, if you put the beauty of a man at the forefront, remember one thing: to contemplate a man with the body of god- this is a gift of fate, which is not given to everyone and for a short time.
If such an Adonis creates a family, then one of two things: soon after the wedding, he will either have a beer belly or a mistress.

In the first case, he will spend all his free time sitting on the couch and watching sports channels, drinking all this pleasure with beer. And soon all you will have are dim memories and faded wedding photos.

Second case happens more often with a handsome man, so let's dwell on him in more detail.

Lover Hero- sounds great on the pages of a romance novel, or he might be good on a date tonight. However, getting married, such a “gardener” or “pool cleaner” can become just a womanizer, but do we need it?

Avoid Narcissists

Narcissistic men focus all their attention on themselves, and very little is left for someone else. The narcissist loves his body and improves it constantly. If you do not want him to spend his entire family budget on gyms and pools, save your time and money - do not mess with such a man.

They constantly expect you to to worship them as they worship themselves. If you are busy with your own business, you can skip the next worship service, then your Narcissus will most likely be looking for a new flock.

If Adonis or Narcissus is not our prince, then who is? Let's try to change priorities, take our eyes off the man's toned buttocks and pay attention to his brains. Highly important for family life so that a man has them and, as they say, "cook".

The best man to start a family:

a is a man who treats you well,

v-has great financial potential,

with-you must be compatible with him

- in this order.

Men who treat you well.

You want to find someone who values ​​you, respects and listens to your opinion. Who will put family and children above all else, even himself? Do you want to find a person who is ready to help you around the house, with a child and lend a shoulder in difficult times? It’s hard, but it’s possible.

Look for a non-handsome, but caring man.

this is, of course, a joke :), but it has its own grain of truth.

Men with great financial potential.

You might think that it is completely unromantic to be interested in the financial situation of a beloved man. But there is nothing less romantic not to have enough money to buy food or pay your rent.

Call me crazy and unromantic, but I love having a roof over my head, access to grocery and manufactured goods stores, and internet and cable TV! You can't build a happy marriage with holes in your pockets and socks. Therefore, if you like create a family, ask how much is your man earns.

Men are compatible with you.

Many women looking for men funny, with a sense of humor, interesting and witty in any company. It's easy and fun to be with guys like that.

But those jokes that are good for the company, sooner or later begin to annoy in family life. You are hinting to him that it is time to pay for the mortgage, and he gives you a joke in response - it's fun, isn't it?

Therefore, guys who are light on their feet, "the soul of the company" are not very suitable for family life... Laugh heartily with this Jim Carrey at parties, and marry his friend - "nerd". Maybe I'm exaggerating too much, but try to think in this direction.

You should look for that with whom you can talk about everything, including serious things, with whom you can have fun and with whom you can find a way out in a difficult situation. You must be compatible with him, you must understand and feel sorry for each other, look for such a man or, in other words, look for a "soul mate". And if he also turns out to be handsome, consider that you ripped off Jackpot !!!

For dessert - a video advice from a psychologist about which husband to choose to create a family:

Communication and interpersonal expert Steve Nakamoto knows what women want and can answer many of the questions that concern them. He talks about how to weed out the wrong candidates and how to choose the right man for a family.

An honest male gaze: Your personal life won't work out if you choose the wrong partner. In addition to mutual attraction, you need to consider other factors in order to understand whether or not a person is right for you for a long-term relationship.

Before succumbing to emotions, be sure to assess the psychological maturity of the prospective partner, your compatibility, the degree of mutual attraction and the possibility of personal development. Otherwise, you will be faced with a relationship that will not suit him or you.

A wise woman will prefer a winner to a loser if she wants to have every chance of success in a love relationship. There are, of course, a ton of subtler variables to look out for when choosing the right man for any given situation, but nevertheless, men have some common traits that are likely to lead to a complete failure in a relationship. It is these traits that you must distinguish in the first place, so as not to waste time on someone who will not become a winner for you.

separate winners from losers

Thanks to the convenience and popularity of online dating, some women are dating more seemingly worthy men than at any other time in the past. After all, it is not at all difficult for a man to create an attractive profile and maintain a pleasant conversation in real time. A wise woman who is looking for true love understands that on the basis of such communication it is very difficult to determine who is in front of her - a winner or a loser.

A girl recently wrote about this to me: “What does it mean when a guy says that he likes me, but he doesn't feel the spark? A young man with whom I have been meeting for several months, at the very beginning of our relationship, said that we have a strong attraction to each other, and now he says that this is nonsense. What does he mean? Do he like me or not? "

Very often, when describing her romance, a woman asks me if the man she is dating is interested in her. Of course, assessing a man's interest in a woman is a paramount task, but every time I remind my readers that it is equally important to determine whether a given man is suitable for a particular woman.

By assessing whether a man has a genuine interest in you and is a good couple, you are more likely not to fall in love with the wrong person and ultimately avoid disappointments and setbacks in the relationship.

Don't count on people changing!

Avoiding the wrong candidates is no easy task. Since most of us hope for love so much and so rarely meet potential lovers on our way, many seek to take advantage of almost every romantic opportunity that falls.

Several years ago I was introduced to a sweet girl who was fourteen years younger than me. I remember one day I heard her say to a friend: "Steve is a great guy, he has so much to offer." This was especially true of the young people who surrounded her. But for a very short time she saw me in the best light - a mature, calm, financially reliable person.

During the "honeymoon" of our communication, it seemed to her that I was the embodiment of the best male qualities. But after a month, this young lady began to perceive me completely differently. My "maturity" began to remind her of "daddy's" behavior. I was no longer "calm", but "lazy, old and tired." And "financial stability" turned into "stinginess" and "money chase."

Looking back, I can tell that the difference in age, interests and goals in life made me a failure candidate for this girl. Not surprisingly, after two months of communication, we broke up.

avoid unsuitable candidates

It's important to remember that people rarely change. Therefore, it is more prudent to evaluate your potential partner based more on who he is at the moment, and not on what he will become in the future. Due to the very nature of romantic relationships, we easily get carried away and throw ourselves into the abyss of momentary passion, not paying attention to such important points in the long term as compatibility and the possibility of personal development. But wise women carefully assess these aspects at the beginning of the game, before they are imbued with serious feelings for a man. This way you can avoid long-term relationship with the wrong person.

Beware of men with bad habits ... If your prospective partner is chronically addicted to drugs, alcohol, or gambling, it is a smart decision to avoid romantic contact with them. Bad habits govern a person's life and the lives of those who are with him. Many women have already acquired this painful experience, spending time, energy, feelings on unworthy candidates.

Avoid men with serious character flaws. Character is the foundation of every personality. This is the result of hundreds of decisions made that gradually made a person the way he is now. Today, many women increasingly meet men with obvious character flaws, which, of course, cannot serve as a reliable support for love. Character is something that takes a long time to form, and it is very difficult to change it. Therefore, a wise woman would rather avoid close communication with men who have obvious character flaws than try to correct them.

Pass by men who have not an ounce of ambition. For many women, this trait does not seem as much of a disadvantage as others. But at the same time, a woman quickly gets tired of a man who does not know ambition. Without striving for anything, such a man does not particularly care about the material well-being of the family, which is an important cause of stress in relationships. A wise woman should distinguish a man who is in harmony with himself from a simply lazy and unmotivated person who, over time, will surely get bored with her.

Don't date men who don't turn you on. In romantic relationships, nothing replaces attraction or physical attraction. If the attraction does not come, it is better to refuse further rapprochement. Otherwise, you will get bogged down in a passionless relationship that will not satisfy either partner.

Say "No!" vile men. Women are often confused by men who show tenderness one moment and hostility the next. Many women in the early stages of a relationship focus on positive qualities and turn a blind eye to negative ones. When you communicate with a two-faced man, sooner or later he will direct his aggression towards you.

Evaluate men by their social circle. For many women, this is a daunting task. For some reason, they want to believe that her lover is not at all like his friends. But, most likely, he just wants to appear better. In fact, he probably looks a lot like his friends. Consider this, instead of relying entirely on its "advertising image".

Avoid men who are completely out of tune with your personality. Some people just don't seem to be able to get along. Instead of complementing each other and supporting each other, they quarrel over various trifles and find only the worst sides in each other. If you find yourself in such a difficult situation, assess the situation soberly. Don't make the mistake of trying to improve relationships, such as marrying someone who upsets you all the time.

Beware of extreme lifestyle differences. The way of life manifests itself in the clothes we wear, in the music we listen to, in the things we buy, in the food we prefer, in the words we say, in the dreams we strive for, in the friends we choose, in activities to which we devote our free time. If you want to connect with someone in life, it is wise to find a partner who shares your habits and views. People whose lifestyle is different from ours undoubtedly add color and variety, but, as a rule, communication and friendship with these people have to be limited.

Recognize potential value conflicts. Values ​​- for example, courage, love, honesty, and family - are ideals for which we have tremendous respect. When two people do not share values, they often frustrate each other. For example, I was told about a woman who complained that her husband was constantly getting drunk with his boyfriends instead of doing something more suitable for a family man. Such conflicts of responsibility and entertainment take a long time to mature and are often hidden until they develop into feelings of deep resentment. A woman looking for a new partner should avoid men who clearly do not share her values. Values ​​that are, in fact, deeply rooted priorities, can only change under the influence of very serious circumstances.

Stay away from men with unclear relationship goals. It is easy to fall for the bait of a man who claims that he loves children, but shows this love only in relation to other people's babies. A wise woman should distinguish between simply talking about marriage and family from a real willingness to make a commitment. True, some men openly say that they do not intend to start a family, and do not hide their aspirations for other goals. But a woman may fall into the delusion that over time such a person will change, and later discover that, in fact, his views on personal life have long been firmly established. A wise woman carefully evaluates the life priorities of a man and continues the relationship only if their goals coincide.

Men who are only ready to date from time to time are suitable for women with the same aspirations. As practice shows, it is useless to expect that a person will change in most cases.

Comprehensively evaluating candidates for the role of a permanent partner, a wise woman will choose the man who has the highest chances of bringing victory to their love relationship. This requires first of all weeding out the obvious losers.

: define right now what you don't want

Try to remember the men in your life that fit the descriptions in this chapter. Perhaps you met with some of them for a long time, you just know someone, your friends talked to someone, and someone is a world-famous person: a politician, an athlete, a musician, a TV presenter or a film actor.

It is important to paint yourself a clear image of the inappropriate candidate. So you will be able to quickly, in the early stages, analyze your potential partners.

Output:

How to choose a husband and not be mistaken? Unlucky in love when you're dating the wrong person. But if a healthy relationship develops between two emotionally mature people who have a strong mutual attraction and truly match each other, you will certainly be lucky in love!

Articles "How to choose the right man"

Good day to my beloved readers!

How to choose your future husband so as not to be mistaken?
And do you need to choose him at all? In our country, after all, it’s like: whoever I fell in love with — that is the husband, or whoever first called — for that and went. How can you choose someone if love hits you in the head? Or, on the contrary, why live with a suitable person if butterflies in the stomach do not fly from him?

Only attraction and passion are one thing, but creating a strong family is quite another. A person can be suitable only for the first, but not for the second, and vice versa.

After 1-3 years, the passionate attraction, which was in itself without our efforts, ALWAYS passes. And then you have two options: either look for a new man, or create true love and a great family with the person who is next to you and the father of your children. And to create this very greatest love, you need a desire, which will not be in the event that your husband turns out to be not at all the kind of person you need. Therefore, it is better to choose in advance and literally forbid yourself to fall in love with inappropriate ones.

You will have to spend your whole life with this person. Many are sure that they will easily divorce if something goes wrong, but this does not always work out. Common children change everything a lot, and nothing will be "easy" anymore. In addition, there is no point in getting married if you initially admit a divorce and are not in the mood that a family is once and for all. A sickly little family will work out. In general, a breakup is always painful.

The stage of choosing a husband is the last one, when you look at a man's shortcomings literally under a microscope. And the dignity just needs to be kept in mind.
After creating a family, everything is backwards: it will be necessary to scrutinize its merits, it is better to forget about the shortcomings altogether. Well, or just take them into account so as not to demand from the husband what he is not adapted to.

In the process of choosing, it is harmful to consider only the advantages and hope that the disadvantages themselves will "dissolve" after the wedding or the birth of a child. Alas, most girls do this, and then suffer and get divorced. I guess you don’t need that.

How to correctly choose a man for life and creating a family? What pitfalls await you?
Read to the end and I hope this will help you in the best way to make the most important choice in your life.

Love or calculation?

This topic explodes the tops of questions about family and marriage. Modern girls literally cannot sleep in torment - who to marry? For that bald, plump man with a thick wallet and a Mercedes, or for a neighbor on a desk penniless, but with a great sense of humor?
Both of these extremes are unlikely to bring happiness. As always, the truth is somewhere in between. You should not ignore the material side of the issue and surrender only to feelings, because you still have children from him and sit on maternity leave without your own income. Little pleasant, don't you agree?

And at the same time, keeping only the size of the wallet, despite the fact that the man himself is disgusting to you is a failed tactic. With such "income Petrovich" you are unlikely to find happiness, but you will regularly want to leave. And this is a poor foundation for creating a family, no matter who may tell you anything about free modern customs.

How do you find that average? A man with whom you will feel good both in your soul and in bed, and you will not be left without a piece of bread? To do this, you need to pacify the crowd of butterflies in your stomach, exhale and soberly evaluate your boyfriend.

Look back to the past

Think about your past relationships and the people with whom you have them, as well as the men around you. What qualities do you admire about them? What would you like to see in your husband? And what exactly would you not want?
Write on a piece of paper 3 qualities of these people that you personally like and 3 that you will never accept in your future man of dreams.

One of my personal criteria when choosing a man was the absence of bad habits, especially smoking - I will not tolerate this under any circumstances, well, this is my fad, "personal cockroach." Think about what should be in your man and what exactly should not be? But do not get carried away - a maximum of 3 points, otherwise your choice will be too much reduced, and you can find this only in a fantastic country.

Next, analyze your current boyfriends - who fits these criteria? If the choice is limited, consider where you can meet the one you want. It is foolish to come to the market, for example, and wait there for a meeting with an aristocrat. Luck, of course, has not been canceled, but the chances are minimal.

And when you have decided on these points, in no case lower your bar. After all, you have only three points in the pluses and three in the minuses! No matter how charming and handsome he is, he will have to go through this primary face control. If it doesn’t suit you, then right away, until you fall deeply in love, pass by, period. It is a huge folly to start a relationship with the wrong person and expect him to change and become the right person. He is an adult with his own unique set of qualities, and he came into this world not at all to adjust and become comfortable for you. For someone else, he will be ideal in the exact configuration that he has.

There are certainly qualities that can change over time. But this is very difficult, and most often it fails. Is it worth it for you to spend your life and nerves on remaking another person? And spoil him how many nerves while you prove that he is not at all what it should be. More precisely, not the same as YOU need. In that case, maybe it’s easier to look else?

7 questions you must ask yourself when choosing a husband

Let's play with you a flower - seven-flower. I will assign a color to each question so that it is easier for you to remember what it is about.

Red. Appearance. Does his appearance suit you? A question that cannot be answered right away on the first date, otherwise you will fall into a trap. In a trap in which thousands of women stick out, who are being led by the appearance of a man. Remember, even if he is crooked and skinny, he can be quite an interesting, purposeful and sexually attractive man. If on the first date you didn't feel sick of seeing him, then give him 3-4 more dates. If after them you can’t come to terms with his appearance, then the next one! What can you do ... It is definitely not necessary to force yourself.

The same goes for the "handsome" ones. There is a stereotype: "A handsome man is a stranger." To some extent, I agree with this, but this does not happen in 100% of cases. Handsome men can also be loyal, interesting and loving. Therefore, take a closer look at a specific man, observe his behavior and attitude towards you, only after that draw conclusions.

Orange. Passion and sexual harmony. Do you want it? I mean, are you physically attracted to him? At the same time, it is absolutely not necessary to immediately check it empirically. It is enough to understand: does anything in your lower abdomen move at the sight of it? When he takes your hand, hugs you, accidentally touches you? If not, then you don't need to start. Otherwise, you will be mired in insipid relationships without a "spark." This is also not always found out on the first date, sometimes this point appears later. Therefore, if everything else suits you, give him at least a month.

In the future, also take into account some time for "sexual grinding", not everyone is perfect the first time. Sexual harmony may not work if you need completely different things in bed. For example, one of you is a classic and romantic, another extreme and "dirty games".
Sexual temperament is equally important. You can hardly be happy, if even initially one has enough sex once a month, another and three times a day is not enough.

In my opinion, and in the experience of many women who have come to coaching me, harmony in bed is one of the most important conditions for a happy relationship. Without this, everything collapses. Therefore, I recommend that you include this item on that very list of the three essential qualities of the man of your dreams.

Yellow. Purposefulness. Does he strive for something specific in life? What does he want to achieve and in what ways? Will he eventually be able to provide for you during the decree period? If not, what is he doing right now to improve his material condition? Does this person have growth prospects and how will what he does affect your life together? Never settle for a relationship with someone who doesn't know what they want or whose goals are very vague. Such will always say one thing, do another, think the third and dream of the fourth. You cannot please him in any way, because he himself does not know what he needs from life in general and from you in particular.

Green. Unconditional support. Love is a person's support for what he most wants in life. What makes him happy and unleashes his potential. What do you want? What makes you happy? Are you ready to give all your inspiration and love to this man's goals? Does this coincide with what he likes, at least in part? Are you ready to support his aspirations? Are you ready to devote a significant part of your life to his cause and do everything to make him the best in this business? If he plays tanks all day, are you ready to do everything to make him the world leader in this game, or are your ideals a little different?

Opposites, of course, attract, but more often then they repel with no less force, saying goodbye to each other: "We are too different."

Blue. Communication and interest in his personality. Are you interested in communicating with each other? Can you chat all night and not notice how the time has flown by? This point follows directly from the previous one. If you have common interests and aspirations, then it will always be interesting for you to communicate. And after 3 years, and after 5 and after 10 years! He will become your best friend, and you will become his. If you do not have at least some common hobbies (one loves to relax on the couch, and the other loves to ride in unknown places), then most likely you will quickly be overtaken by a wave of misunderstanding and you will have nothing to talk about.

How interesting is this person for you as a person? If you get bored already on date 4, then try to imagine what awaits you in a couple of years.
If you already understand everything about a person and there is no mystery in him, then most likely you will quickly get fed up with these relationships and get bored.

I will write about how to remain interesting for my beloved man myself, so subscribe to the newsletter in VKontakte, or in Telegram, or, then you won't lose the article.

Blue. His masculine qualities. Pay attention to WHAT exactly attracts you to him.
External beauty, kindness, modesty, lightness, sense of humor, gentleness, responsiveness, compliance, grooming, sentimentality, romance, tenderness, emotionality are amazing human qualities, but they are still more valuable in a woman.
Courage, intelligence, strength, perseverance, talent, responsibility, the ability to achieve one's own, craving for development, self-control, dedication, confidence, desire to win, decisiveness, strong-willed character, endurance are no less amazing human dignity, but they are still especially attractive then when inherent in a man.

Each person is beautiful for their unique combination of a wide variety of virtues, and yet consider what you value most in your man.

If you are attracted by his endless kindness, humor and gentleness, and he has only a couple of masculine qualities as such, and then only a little bit, then, most likely, you will soon become disappointed in him as in a man. Especially if the so-called "feminine" qualities are most pronounced in you and you value them in yourself. It is good when a man is kind and with a sense of humor, but it is best if this is just a pleasant addition to his dedication, responsibility and desire to win.

But kind and gentle men will perfectly complement strong-willed and purposeful women. So the whole question is what kind of person you are and what kind of man you need (again, we return to that list of the three main qualities of your ideal).

Purple. Similar values. A conflict of values ​​has yet to grace any couple. Values ​​mean such basic concepts as family, responsibility, love, honesty, and so on. For example, you believe in higher powers, go to church and read a prayer before eating, and he is a convinced atheist and tricks you on this matter. Or your beloved, an ardent admirer of today's political regime and your country, and you consider yourself a "child of the world" and generally do not recognize racial and state borders, dream of living in all countries where you can get your hands on. Or your man is proud that he knows 1001 legal ways to take money from the population (and just as many frankly illegal ones), and you “suffer” from crystal honesty.
What then? Suffer and fall in love here does not work. Look for people of your "breed". Not a copy like you, but with those differences that will complement you, and not contradict your basic values.

What are your and his views on how many children should be, and on their upbringing? In your opinion and in his opinion, who should check the lessons, play with the children? Is it possible to beat children for "educational" purposes? Is abortion possible in your family and in what cases?

The vacation should be separate, together, or how will it turn out? How should you spend your weekend (yours and his ideal)? Is separation, frequent and long business trips acceptable?

Is jealousy acceptable in your family, and in what cases? Do phones and social networks need to be password protected, or do you both need to know each other's passwords? Is friendship, correspondence and flirting with the opposite sex possible? And with the ex?
What is treason for you, what are the boundaries? And for him?

Who brings money into the house and who runs the household? Who manages the family budget? Should all spending be “accountable,” or can someone have their own personal stash?

Is it acceptable for you and him to live with your parents, and in what cases? Is it possible to take money from them, or, on the contrary, should you support it? Can your parents interfere in your life, is it okay to ask them for advice and complain about family problems?

If it so happens that the values ​​are still different, you have the following options for action:

🔶 try to adjust and change yourself. But remember, if you yourself are a bright personality, then "reflashing" yourself completely under it is like dying and being born again in someone else's skin;

🔶 convince him to change. Such miracles happen extremely rarely, and then when the man himself wanted it. But even if you miraculously succeed, then at the end you risk getting more problems than benefits;

🔶 accept him as he is, and support him in his aspirations opposite to yours, and also try to do everything so that he accepts and does not try to remake you. This option often turns out to be impossible, because it is unrealistic, for example, to bring up children in one family according to two options at once;

🔶 do not get involved in a relationship doomed to a lot of scandals, and look for someone more suitable.

Don't be too hopeful for it to change. These tales of wonderful dramatic changes in men are so rare that they don't even deserve attention.

So, according to these seven basic signs, you will determine who is right for you on the main points. Next, look at the young man's family and environment.

We meet "by clothes"

Only in this case, we do not mean real clothes or appearance, but the family and the environment of the young man. "Tell me who your friend is, and I will tell you who you are." This ancient wisdom continues to this day.

Take a close look at the family of your future husband. How do parents live? As flatmates, or are they people with common values ​​and interests? What is accepted in this man's family: a conservative approach or freedom of morals? Is it important for them to gather at the same table three times a day for a meal, or does everyone solve this issue independently and live their own life?

You will be surprised, but all this leaves such an imprint on your chosen one that you will have to reckon with all your life. Even if it looks like your future husband does not communicate very well with his relatives. The programs put into the head since childhood will work automatically. Are these people generally pleasant to you? And you to them? If the family is fundamentally against you or your relatives are not happy with your choice, then most likely there will not be a happy relationship between you. A barrel of honey of your love will always be with a weighty ladle of tar of misunderstanding of relatives and setting you up against each other.

And, of course, take a close look at the darling's best friends - his entourage. If his friends are successful, purposeful guys with wives or regular girlfriends, this characterizes him directly. But if his friends are reckless party-goers who change girls like gloves, then draw conclusions about your chosen one.

How does he relate to children?

This is a fundamental point, so talk about it again. It does not matter at all whether you personally want children or not, your future husband should be of about the same opinion. It is clear that it is rather difficult to find a man who wants to have children right now. But, if you are planning them, then he should be at least not against it in principle. It is easy to check this: take him with you to a friend who has a child and observe how he will behave. If he shies away from the kid, like from Freddy Krueger, this is a serious reason to think.

And vice versa, if you do not want children, and he really wants heirs and generally loves to mess with babies - do not expect that for the sake of your relationship he will change his mind. It may even change, but it will not be fully happy.

Is it adequate?

In no case, under any circumstances, should you marry people who are mentally ill or with addictions (drug addicts, gambling addicts, porno and internet addicts). These also include: criminals and criminals, psychopaths, aggressive (including those who seek to offend not you, but other people), seeking to lock you up at home, womanizers, psychological vampires, whiners and critics in severe forms, narcissists, manipulators, inadequate jealous, emotionally unbalanced and others, with whom it is basically impossible to get along, no matter how hard you try.

Passion for such men can sometimes be bright and all-consuming, but they are not suitable for creating a family. In a relationship, it is important to be able to talk and negotiate, wait, be support, and this requires balance and a calm perception of the world. A person who, at the slightest reason, shouts or, on the contrary, falls silent for a long time - does not know how to negotiate for these purposes is not suitable.

How does he feel about money?

This point is not even about the thickness of the wallet, but in general about the relationship of a man to money. After all, in fact, a man's money = his energy. How he treats her, does he pinch her when he touches something that you need. Is he able to earn the essentials for a family of three or four? Does he strive to save, and for what exactly? Or does he drop everything at once, as soon as he reaches for crisp bills?

Almost half of all divorces happen because of conflicts around money, and in particular because of the lack of this very money. It is better to evaluate this parameter at the entrance, to realize the problem and talk to a man about this, than to spend your whole life with someone who did not suit you initially.

How does he feel about you?

It may be that you have found the perfect man for you. Purposeful, attractive, responsible, promising, from a good family, the values ​​coincide ... One snag - he is not in love with you. Epic fail.

If you have used all your arsenal of feminine tricks and tricks, and he never flared up to you, you will have to leave it in the past. You want to create a happy family, and not to rape and mock a man.

So answer your questions honestly.
Is there love between you, attraction? How often does a man write to you first, call you, call you on dates? How does he treat you in general? Has he ever said that there is no spark between you and you are just a good friend to him? Or what? Or maybe he does not hide the fact that creating a family, in principle, is not included in the list of his life plans? Does he have serious intentions towards you? Is he going to introduce you to his friends and parents? Are you present in his conversations about the future?

How do you feel around him?

An even greater irony of fate than an ideal man who is not in love with you can only be an ideal man with whom you are not in love.

How do you feel around him? Does he inspire you? In a relationship with him, are you more often happy and happy, or, on the contrary, are you sad and suffering? Are you developing next to him and your business is going uphill, or does he suppress you as a person? Do you dream of spending ALL your life with him?

The world has changed. A woman herself is able to provide the most necessary for herself and even for her children. Household chores can also be handled without a husband. Have a heart-to-heart talk with a psychologist or random Internet acquaintances. But the main thing is that there is no longer a need to get married simply in order to survive, to save your parents from starvation or to “hide the shame” of an illegitimate pregnancy. Society condemns less and less freedom, more and more.

Therefore, in my opinion, one should not rush into such a serious matter as creating a family. There is no need to deny yourself the immense pleasure of loving and being loved in marriage. If you dream of starting a great family, then you have much more chances than ever before. The main thing is, seek and develop to match the man of your dreams.

Is he ready for a family?

Has he chosen you, or is his eye already squinting to the left in search of adventure? Has he given up carousing and partying in order to equip the family nest, or do his friends and especially girlfriends see him more often than you?

And again, is he able to bear financial responsibility for the family? Will his salary be enough for this? If not, what is he doing in this direction? It does not promise to do it, but it DOES it now.

Mercantile spirit has nothing to do with it, because after giving birth, a woman will not be able to work. Many serious family problems begin when additional expenses are needed for pregnancy, doctors, treatment of a child who is often sick. Will this man be able to take care of you? Or did he honestly say that a loaf of bread a day is enough for him and that he does not need anything else, he is in complete harmony with the world and is not going to change anything?

Family happiness and chronic poverty are almost incompatible. Even the minor flaws of a man are very annoying and love turns into hatred when there is nothing to eat at home, and he does not particularly move to change the situation.

Mistakes to Avoid in the First Place when Choosing a Husband

** Dive headlong into the pool. **
If you feel that next to him the ground is slipping from under your feet - this is a screaming sign: "It's time to put on the brake!" Deliberately slow down your relationship with this man, otherwise you will "go blind" in the rays of his splendor and lose yourself. Remind yourself that he is only a man, not a deity or an angel who came down to you to bestow happiness and love.

Remember that happiness is within you, force yourself to lead the life that you had before meeting this man. Do not abandon your hobbies and friends, continue to develop, literally force yourself to do so. And then look closely at his behavior in different situations adequately, and not through "rose-colored glasses".

Putting an end to a person after the first date.
If a man did not make himself look like a complete idiot on the first date, if you remained indifferent to him, or if you doubt whether it is worth meeting him a second time, then you definitely need to meet again. If you kick everyone off after the first date for the slightest trifle (he didn’t tie his tie and didn’t give his hand when leaving the transport), then you will wait for the prince until old age.

You can go on dates and chat as much as you like, as long as the man does not show such negative sides that you do not accept even in your friend. On dates, you don’t have to (and it’s not desirable) to kiss and hug, much less sleep with a man. Treat him like a friend, flirt, but keep your distance. If he wants sex, then that's not your problem. You never know who wants to, you don't have to sleep with them all.

The main purpose of dating is to understand if a man is right for you for life, and not at all pleasure, as many people think. Pleasure is just a pleasant side effect and an added benefit to a man, but not the main purpose of dating.

Strive to get married as soon as possible.
This often happens, especially with girls over 30. They are so afraid of not catching their, as they think, "last train" that it is sometimes just scary to look at their feverish marriage. Most often, marriages are a complete failure! In which both suffer. Even vegetables on the market are sometimes looked at longer than a future husband. No matter how old you are right now - respect yourself and have patience, you are not getting married for one year, in the end. Never settle for anything. It is much better to live an extra year or two alone than all your life on a powder keg: if he comes, he does not come home today, drunk or sober, he will beat or bludgeon ...

Hope that the man will change.
It is at least senseless to count on the fact that after the wedding he will settle down, grow up, grow wiser, give up parties and computer games. Choose a man whom you are not only ready to accept, but also ready for the fact that his shortcomings will even intensify over time.

Of course, I understand: when we are in love, the world becomes beautiful, emotions overwhelm and sometimes it is difficult to analyze something. But you need to make an effort on yourself, to realize the shortcomings of your chosen one and talk to him about it. Perhaps he is ready to fix something to make you even happier. Don't be afraid to make contact and talk openly to your man about what you want. And also be prepared for his frankness and wishes in your direction. After all, this is the only way to get the relationship of your dreams. And this is exactly what I wish for absolutely all of you, my dears!

PS. A woman sits on the shore, and a lot of things float by, sometimes in a circle ... 😁
Satya is on top as always!